Cleanse your heart with the water of love, and the detergents of prayer and contrition so that the stains of desire are removed completely. Then God will pour His abundant Grace into it. If you yearn for God, you should give up Lokabhranti and dehabhranti (attachment to the external world and to the body). There is no use trying to have one foot in one boat and the other foot in another. You may be living in Prashanti Nilayam for over 20 years, but if you worry more about your physical needs, then all your spiritual efforts are indeed futile; you have made no progress at all. The waving of the camphor flame at the end of a bhajan is only to remind you that your sensual cravings must be fully burnt away without leaving any trace behind, and you must offer yourself to God to be merged in Him and His glory.