Laughter the Best Medicine!!! …Dont Confuse GOD!!!!

source:::: input from one of my friends… nice joke to read and laugh… also to share with your friends ..
Natarajan

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked ‘Is my time up?’

God said, ‘No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.’

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well
make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an
ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, ‘I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?’

(You’ll love this!!!)

God replied: ‘I didn’t recognize you’

Smile with a Slogan!!!!!!!!

source::::unknown…. input from one of my friends…. these slogans bring instant smile on your face and makes you to spread your smile in the surroundings!!!!!…..just read and smile!!!!!

Natarajan

Sign on a railway station at Patna : **
Aana free, jaana free, ** **
pakde gaye to khana free.** *

———————————————————————————————————-
Sign at a famous beauty parlour in Bombay : ** **
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here. ** **She may be your grandmother! ** **
—————————————————————————————————————

Sign on a bulletin board: ** **
Success is relative ** **
More success means more relatives. ** **

———————————————————————————————————–

Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay : ** **
We need your heads to run our business.** *
————————————————————————–
A traffic slogan: ** **
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they might never be…..** *

*THE BEST ONE : * *
**It’s God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations. **
It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and God.** **- Indian Armed Forces*

Newton”s Law Holds Good for Proverbs Too!!!!!

Source:unknown….an interesting read ….Like Double Entry Accounting Principle!!!!…For every Debit There MUST be A CREDIT!!!!!
Natarajan

NEWTON’S THIRD LAW STATES: “EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND AN OPPOSITE REACTION”.
SO IT WOULD STAND TO REASON THAT EVERY PROVERB HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE PROVERB.

1.ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT
BUT
TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NONE

2.THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD
BUT
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

3.WISE MEN THINK ALIKE
BUT
FOOLS SELDOM DIFFER

4.THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE
BUT
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH

5.SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE
BUT
TIME WAITS FOR NONE

6.LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP
BUT
STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT

7.DO IT WELL, OR NOT AT ALL
BUT
HALF A LOAF IS BETTER THAN NONE

8.BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER
BUT
OPPOSITES ATTRACT

9.DON’T CROSS YOUR BRIDGES BEFORE YOU COME TO THEM
BUT
FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED

10.DOUBT IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM
BUT
FAITH WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS

11.GREAT STARTS MAKE GREAT FINISHES
BUT
IT ISN’T OVER TILL IT’S OVER

12.PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
BUT
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY

13.SILENCE IS GOLDEN
BUT
THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GETS THE GREASE

14.YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO LEARN
BUT
YOU CAN’T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS

15.WHAT’S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER
BUT
ONE MAN’S MEAT IS ANOTHER MAN’S POISON

16.ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
BUT
OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND

17.TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE BROTH
BUT
MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK

18.HOLD FAST TO THE WORDS OF YOUR ANCESTORS
BUT
WISE MEN MAKE PROVERBS AND FOOLS REPEAT THEM

Moon Baffles a Policeman!!!!!!!!

A British policeman put his colleagues on alert as he investigated a ‘suspicious bright light’ – only to find it was the moon, an in-house magazine for the police reported on Wednesday.

Police magazine reported that the hapless officer only realised his blunder after warning his fellow constables in Worcestershire, central England, that he might require back-up.

The magazine’s Dogberry column revealed: ‘While single-crewed on night duty in Worcestershire a PC called up his sergeant letting him know that he was going up into the Clent Hills to investigate a ‘suspicious bright light’ that he could see shining from the other side of the hills.

‘The call was for safety reasons as he might need back-up once he found the source.

‘Twenty minutes later the PC called his sergeant back to reassure him that everything was ok and that he had found the source of the light.

‘This diligent PC had in fact discovered the moon.’

While the gaffe was once known only to the unnamed policeman’s colleagues in the Worcestershire force, it has now been revealed to all 132,000 police rank-and-file officers in England and Wales who receive the magazine.

source::::: BIGPOND NEWS …Brisbane…story reported in news as Odd Spot!!!
Natarajan

Humour in Uniform…Happy Hours….

source::::unknown….input from one of my friends…. have a hearty laugh and share the jokes …

Natarajan

>> On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
>>
>> One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?”
>>
>> The tower responded, “Who is calling?”
>>
>> The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?”
>>
>> The tower replied, “It makes a lot of difference.. . If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o’clock . If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to “Happy Hour.”
>>
>> ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
>>
>> During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
>>
>> “Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
>>
>> “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. “Yours is.”
>>
>> ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
>>
>> Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
>> “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.”
>>
>> Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?”
>>
>> “Nothing important, sir,” the airman replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”
>>
>> ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
>>
>> Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
>> Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
>> Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer!
>> Now let’s try it again!” Do you have change for a dollar?”
>> Soldier: “No, SIR!”
>>
>> ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
>>
>> Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
>> A: He’ll tell you.
>>
>>
>> Q: What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots?
>> A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.
>>
>>
>> Q: What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
>> A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
>>
>> ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
>>
>> An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
>>
>> The General shouted, “Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whore-house! ”
>>
>> The Chief turned to his barber and said, “Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whore-house smells like.”
>>
>> ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
>>
>> “Well,” snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave.”
>>
>> “Not me, Chief!” the Seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in a queue again!”

Humour …..Happy Trading!!!!!!!!!!!!!

source:::unknown

Welcome to the ‘Stock’ Market!!!!!….Enjoy the joke on share trading….with so much stocks around amidst equal number of share market tips , situation today is almost like this one !!!!
Simply enjoy the joke on the lighter side !!!!

Natarajan

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10 .

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them .

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort .

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20 .

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again .

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms .

The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him .

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers .

Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected .

I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50 . ‘

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys .

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! !

HAPPY TRADING!!!!!!!!

படித்து ரசித்தது …..

source:::::”:Dinamani”…..Tamil daily….

Natarajan

படி அளக்கும் கடவுள் …….

பண்டிதமணி மு.கதிரேசன் செட்டியாரும் தமிழ்ப் பேரறிஞர் ந.மு.வேங்கடசாமி நாட்டாரும் ஆலயமொன்றிற்குச் சென்றிருந்தனர். அப்போது அந்தி நேரம். ஆலய படிக்கட்டுகளில் இருவரும் ஏறிக் கொண்டிருந்தனர். புதிதாக வந்த நாட்டாருக்கு பழக்கமில்லாததால் கால் சில இடங்களில் இடறியது.படிகள் இல்லாத இடங்களிலெல்லாம்,””இங்கே படி இல்லை அய்யா! அங்கே படி இல்லை அய்யா…படியில்லை…படியில்லை…பார்த்து காலெடுத்து வைத்து வாங்க” என்று சொல்லிக் கொண்டே வந்தார் கதிரேசன் செட்டியார்.தமக்கு முன்னால் வழிகாட்டியாகச் சென்ற கதிரேசனை சிறிது நேரம் நிற்குமாறு சொன்னார் வேங்கடசாமி நாட்டார்.””பண்டித மணியாரே! இறைவன் திருச்சந்நிதியில் வந்து படி இல்லே…படி இல்லே என்று சொல்லாதீங்க. இறைவன் நமக்கெல்லாம் படியளப்பவர். அப்படியிருக்கையில் படி இல்லே…படி இல்லே…என்று கூறிக்கொண்டே செல்லலாமா? படி இருக்கு…படி இருக்கு என்று சொல்லிக் கொண்டே போங்கள்”-இவ்விதம் நாட்டார் இருபொருள் பட கூறிய நகைச்சுவையில் மகிழ்ந்து போனார் பண்டிதமணி.

விநாயகரில் தொடக்கம் அனுமாரில் முடிவு……

நான் சொல்லும் வேகத்திற்கு உங்களால் எழுத முடியுமா” என்று கேட்கிறார் வியாசர். “”நான் எழுதும் வேகத்திற்கு உங்களால் சொல்ல முடியுமா” என்று விநாயகர் பதிலுக்குக் கேட்கிறார். இப்படி இருவரும் போட்டி போட்டு நமக்குக் கொடுத்ததுதான் மகாபாரதம். இப்படி பிள்ளையாரோடு ஆரம்பித்த மகாபாரதம் அனுமாரோடு முடிகிறது. எப்படி தெரியுமா? போர் முடிந்ததும் என்ன நடைபெறுகிறது. முதலில் அர்ஜூனனை ரதத்திலிருந்து இறங்கும்படி சொல்லுகிறார் கிருஷ்ணர். அர்ஜூனன் இறங்குகிறார். அதன்பின் கிருஷ்ணர் ரதத்தை விட்டு கீழே இறங்குகிறார். அவர் இறங்கிய உடனே ரதத்தின் கொடியில் இருந்த அனுமார் மறைகிறார். ரதம் தீப்பிடித்து எரிகிறது. இப்படியாக மகாபாரதம் ஹனுமனுடன் நிறைவு பெறுகிறது!!!!

சமயோசிதம்…….!கலைவாணர் என்.எஸ்.கிருஷ்ணனின் வில்லுப்பாட்டுக் குழுவில் ஒரு பின்பாட்டுக்காரர் இருந்தார். ஒருமுறை காந்தி கதை வில்லுப்பாட்டு நடந்து கொண்டிருந்தது. அப்போது தண்டி யாத்திரையில் காந்தியின் உப்பு சத்தியாகிரகம் பற்றிய பாட்டை பின்பாட்டுக்காரரைப் பாடச் சொல்ல, அவருக்கு இரண்டாவது வரி மறந்துபோய், “உப்பை எடுத்தார்…உப்பை எடுத்தார்’ என்று ஐந்தாறு முறை அதே வரியைப் பாடிக் கொண்டிருந்தார். மக்கள் திருதிருவென விழித்தனர்.உடனே கலைவாணர்,””எவ்வளவோ போராடி உப்பு சத்தியாகிரகம் நடத்திய காந்தி, அங்கு சென்று ஒரே ஒரு தடவை தான் உப்பை எடுத்திருப்பாரா? பல தடவை குனிந்து குனிந்து உப்பை எடுத்திருப்பார். அதனால்தான் நம் பாட்டுக்காரரும் தத்ரூபமாக “உப்பை எடுத்தார்’ என பலமுறை பாடிக் காட்டினார்” என்று போட்டார் ஒரு போடு.பாடகரின் மறதியை தன் மதிநுட்பத்தால் மாற்றிய கலைவாணருக்கு கைத் தட்டல்கள் குவிந்தன

.சாமர்த்தியம்…….சென்னை உயர்நீதிமன்றத்தின் நீதிபதியாக இருந்தார் வி.பாஷ்யம் ஐயங்கார். அவர் தம்முடைய ஓய்வு நேரத்தில் வெள்ளைக்கார அதிகாரி ஒருவருக்கு சமஸ்கிருதம் சொல்லிக் கொடுத்து வந்தார். ஒருநாள் அந்த வெள்ளைக்காரர் இல்லத்துக்குள் ஐயங்கார் நுழைந்ததும் அங்கே இருந்த நாய் பாய்ந்து குரைத்தது. அதனால் ஐயங்கார் ஓட நேரிட்டது. அதைக் கண்ட வெள்ளையர் சிரித்துக் கொண்டே வெளியே வந்தார்.””என்ன ஐயங்கார்! குரைக்கிற நாய் கடிக்காது என்ற பழமொழியை மறந்து விட்டீர்களோ?” என்றார்.””நண்பரே! அந்தப் பழமொழியை நீங்கள் அறிவீர்கள்; நானும் அறிவேன். ஆனால் நாய்க்கு அந்த பழமொழி தெரியுமா?” என்று சாமர்த்தியமாகக் கேட்டார் ஐயங்கார்.

Laughter The Best Medicine….Blonde jokes…

source:::::unknown….simply for free laugh!!!!

Natarajan

This week”s Blonde Jokes……….

A friend told the blonde, “Christmas is on a Friday this year….”
The blonde then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
—————————————————————
Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked, “What if one explodes before we get there?”
The other says, “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
———————————————————-
A blond is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, “Did you find the shampoo?”
She says, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”
———————————————————-
A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish.
“I think it’s got epilepsy,” she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”
The blonde says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet!”
———————————————————-
A blonde spies a letter lying on her doormat.
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”
She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

———————————————————-
A blond is in jail. A guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by her feet.
“What the hell you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blond replies.
“It should be around your neck!” says the Guard.
“I know,” she replies, “but I couldn’t breathe.”
———————————————————-
(Now this one actually makes sense…)

An Italian tourist asks a blonde, “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the blonde replies, “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”

Laughter The Best Medicine…..Airline Ticket Booking….

SOURCE:::: UNKNOWN… But a good stuff for hearty laugh !!!!!….

Natarajan

The Story of A Washington DC Airport Ticket Agent

(unbelievable)….

*A DC ‘airport ticket agent’ offers some examples of why the US is in
so much trouble!* *

1.*I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle
seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On
an airplane!) *

2. *I got a call from a Kansas Congressman’s (Moore) staffer (Howard
Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town*. I started to explain the length
of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me
with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in
Massachusetts ..” *

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ”Cape Cod is
in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa ..” *

3.* A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando
. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s
not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very
THIN state!!” (OMG) *

4.* I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ”Is it
possible to see England from Canada ?”

I said, ”No.” She said, ”But they look so close on the map” (OMG,
again!) *

5.* An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked
if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed
he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas … When I asked him why he wanted
to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will
need a car to drive between gates to save time.” (Aghhhh) *

6.* An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed
to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,
and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn’t
understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went
fast, and she bought that. *

7.* A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ”Do airlines
put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage
belongs to whom?” I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’

He replied, ”Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on
my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!”

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was
dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca.
is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on his luggage.. *

8.* A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip
package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ”Would
it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?” *

9.* I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from
Ala. who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?”

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told my
flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.” *

10* Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola
, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?”

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane. She
said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!” *

11* Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion
about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t.
I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her
this she said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they
have accepted my American Express!” *

12* A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ”I
want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .”

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s the name
of the town?”

‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve looked up
every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.”

”The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check
your map!”

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You
don’t mean Buffalo , do you?”

The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

Now you know why the Government is in the shape it’s in!

Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

PUN on Words …..With Pinch of Humour!!!!!

How does Moses makes his tea ? Hebrews it !!!

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period…

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

SOURCE::::input from one of my contacts….

natarajan