One Liner pun jokes …Laugh it off !!!

1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.

4. I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying.
5. I was getting in to my car the other day and a man said ‘can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!’
6.  I’ve decided to sell my vacuum. Well, it was just gathering dust!
7. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
9. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

10. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years. But then we met.
11. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.

12. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
13. I was overcharged for velcro last week. What a rip off!
15. I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
16. A train stops at a train station. A bus stops at a bus station. Now why is my desk called a ‘work station’?

17. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
18. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.
19. Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!
20. To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!
21. I hate Russian Dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
22. I used to be a banker, but over time I lost interest.
23. I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

24. I can’t understand why people are so bothered about me not knowing what the word ‘apocalypse’ means. It’s not like it’s the end of the world!
25. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two-tired!

26. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He’s all right now.
27. If I could only take one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t bother going.
28. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seat belt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked.
29. My first job was at a calendar factory. I can’t believe they sacked me, all I did was take a day off!
30. I was going to tell my pizza joke but I think it’s a bit too cheesy.

Source………www.ba-ba mail.com

natarajan

 

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Joke of the Day… ” Ever go fishing …” ?

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was promptly greeted by the wail of a siren and flashing lights.

Cursing his luck, the man immediately knew what was coming, so he slowed down and pulled over.

The officer got out of his cruiser, as calm as can be, and walked over to the man’s car.

He handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *only I* get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.

“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch *all* the fish?”

Source…… http://www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

Joke for the Day…” Meals on the Wheels …” !!!

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.

God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.”

The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.”

God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.”

God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”

Source:::::: http://www.ba-ba mail .com

natarajan

Joke for the Day…” Repaint…Repaint …” !!!

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could.

So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time.

Eventually, the local church decided to do a big restoration project.

Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job.

And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine.

Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder.

The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”

Source….www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day…” Spell a word …” !!!

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, “These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied, “Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E.”

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried, “Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, “I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?”

“Not yet,” she replied, “You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded, “Czechoslovakia.”

Source….www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

Joke for the Day…” Allleee ooop….” !!!

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, “ALLLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens – the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems, the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this bloody horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? You idiot, he’s not deaf – he’s BLIND!

Source…www.ba-ba mail.com

natarajan

Life Really does Happen in Numbers…. Joke of the Day !

Four men were discussing coincidences at a bar. The first man said: “My wife was reading a Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins.”

“That’s funny”, the second man remarked. “My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets”

“My goodness,” the third man chimed in. “The same happened to me. My wife had quintuplets after reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven.”

The fourth man shouted, now looking quite ill, “Good God, I have to rush home!”

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed,

“When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!”

Source: http://www.ba-ba-mail.com

Natarajan