Letter from a concerned reader: Certificate of retirement….!!!

His bio-data was bayangaramana impressive. First class. Distinction. Certificate. Hobby. Quiz. Karate. Everything was there

Respected Madam/ Sir,

In Western countries and all what retired persons are doing? Sitting near waterfall and reading poetry of William Wordsworth. Sailing on cruise ship and enjoying glaciers of Iceland. Standing in British Museum and seeing Egyptian mummy and then going to pub and having beer and potato chips. Some people are going to Paris and standing on top of Eiffel Tower. One day I was reading some internet article about retirement and in the photo one retired couple is standing in lawn garden with glass of red wine. I said, “Kamalam, this is retirement lifestyle, what do you think?”

She said, “Old man, stop looking at photo of retired ladies day and night on computer, can you go to shop and get perunkaayam urgently?” Where is Paris, where is perunkaayam.

Madam/ Sir, what am I doing in Chennai with my retired lifestyle? Standing in line outside nearby Balaji Xerox shop. Sun is burning. Xerox fellow is shouting. Meanwhile, auto drivers of all of Chennai are participating in new competition ‘Who Can Send Smoke Directly Into The Face Of Mathrubootham Zonal Championship 2019’.

Sweating and sweating like anything. Finally after 20 minutes I reached front of the queue. Xerox man said, “Hello Mathrubootham uncle, nice to see you, why have you come today to the shop?”

I said, “Thambi I am trying to learn Kuchipudi for two-three weeks, it is going very smoothly, but one doubt I came here to ask, whether I can dance only on steel plate or aluminium plate is also ok, do you have any information? Bloody fool, why I will come to Xerox shop? Chumma wasting my time under hot sun and then doing big talks. Quickly do Xerox, nonsense talking.”

Filling forms only

Afterwards when I reached home I started to fill some form for official bank purposes. Filling is going on. Passport copy ok. Address proof ok. Birth certificate ok. Marriage certificate ok. Before retirement I am spending full day filling form in office. After retirement doing same thing at home? Aneedhi of all aneedhis.

Excuse me, what is this?

Madam/ Sir, by mistake Xerox fellow had put some other person’s Xerox inside my manila cover. “Kamalam,” I said, “look what happened.” She picked it up and read it and said, “Oho, this is bio-data of one young boy in our housing complex only. Phone number is there. I shall call?”

Twenty minutes later one fellow came. He is living in flat in Block D. Immediately Kamalam came with tea and biscuit and all. He said, “Uncle sorry for confusion of Xerox. I am applying for some jobs.”

Madam/ Sir, his bio-data was bayangaramana impressive. First class. Distinction. Certificate. Hobby. Quiz. Karate. Everything was there. I said to the boy, “Enna ore impressive bio-data. You will get job within few days itself. All the best.”

He said, “Thank you uncle, I am very nervous.” “Cheh cheh! What nervous! Look at this. You have got President of India Award for Mathematics. Superb. Did you get it from current President or before one?”

He said, “Uncle, actually I got it from my tuition centre in Mugappair, it is called President of India Award, but president and all is not coming.” “That is ok, at least you got it for good marks in Mathematics no?”

He said, “No, actually it is prize for best use of Mathematics in cinematic dance performance. Prize for good marks is called Nobel Memorial Prize for Mathematics, somebody else got it.” “Ok. But you know karate?”

He said, “I went for one weekend course in Villivakkam.” “I see, what about this certificate in advanced computer design?”

“I studied course on the internet and designed certificate myself uncle.”

Madam/ Sir, I gave him biodata and said, “All the best my son, your future in this country is bright-o bright.” At that moment Kamalam came and said, “Old man, can you please come to look at washing machine, some noise is coming.” Immediately, this fellow said, “Uncle, I will investigate, I have degree in electrical engineering.”

She said, “Oh very good, thambi, please see.”

I said, “My son, all the best for the future, but if you touch a single thing in this house I will call the real police.”

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

 

Source…..www.thehindu.com

Natarajan

Advertisements

Joke of the Day…. ” Who is the real Boss… ‘” ?!!!

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.

“You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.”

The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice.

He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled:

“From now on you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?”

“I certainly do,” said his wife calmly. “The Undertaker!”

Source….. http://www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

Laughter …the best medicine ….!!!

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.

Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”

“Yes, officer, I’m just fine.” the blonde chirped.

“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was…”

“Uh, ma’am?”, the officer said, cutting her off.

“There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles – that was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

Source…..www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day… ” Let him get out of this mess…”!!!

Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.

One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone.

Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife said, “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing,” said Ben, “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.” 

Source….. http://www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

18th July 2018

Joke for the Day….” Baby…It will be yours one day …” !!!

A husband and wife were walking down a high street when the wife spots a beautiful diamond necklace in a jewelry store window.

She urges her husband to go inside so that she can take a look at it.

Although she wants it, he simply doesn’t have to buy it for her, but he promises that it’ll be hers one day.

A month passes, and the wife is at home wondering where on earth her husband is.

She angrily calls his cell phone.

“Where the hell are you?” she asks.

“Darling, you remember that jewelry store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, and I said ‘Baby it’ll be yours one day’?”

“Yeah, I remember that my love!” she replies, smiling and blushing profusely as she does.

“I’m in the bar just next to that shop.”

Source….www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan

 

Joke of the Day…. ” Was it by any chance …a white horse …” ? !!!

A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening.

The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.

Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence.

He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again.

Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine.

Feeling despondent as he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries like he had promised himself.

Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, “It’s your fuel pump.”

The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside of the hood. “Who said that?” he demanded.

There were two horses standing in the fenced field alongside the road and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, “It’s your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight, and try it again.”

Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life.

He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.

When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar.

“Gimme a large whiskey, please!” he said.

A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man’s ashen face and asked, “What’s wrong, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It’s unbelievable,” the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.

The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. “A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?”

The man replied in the affirmative. “Yes, it was! Am I crazy?”

“No, you ain’t crazy. In fact, you’re lucky,” said the rancher, “because that black horse don’t know sh*t about cars.”

Source….www.ba-bamail.com

Natarajan

Joke for the Day….” Two Roofers get themselves in a Fix ….” !!!

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.

Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.

It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of anyone.

So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down.

On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.

Bob says, “It’s the only way down. I will go first.” Bob jumped.

Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, “Hey Bob! How deep did you go?”

Bob yells back, “I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!”

Dan jumps… and sinks clear up to his neck in manure!

“I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?” He shouts at his friend.

“I did…” Explained Bob, “but I landed head first!”

Source…. http://www.ba-ba mail.com

Natarajan