humour

Engineer vs Manager !!!

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A man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 50 and 51 degrees north latitude and between 114 and 115 degrees west longitude.

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information. The fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. ….. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. ….. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep… And you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, you’ve managed to make it my fault!

source:::::input from a friend of mine..
natarajan

Cyber Tech Roles of Brahma , Vishnu and Shiva….

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input from my friend…. nice to see Brahma and vishnu adorning imaginary roles in cyber tech ….pl see and share…

natarajan

Brahma
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Narada
Data transfer
Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Hackers
Devas
Mainframe Programmers
Surya
Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ravan
! ;Browser WWWF
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer
Draupadi
Motivation & Team building
Bhima
Mainframe Legacy System
Duryodhana
Internet product Written in VB
Karna
Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++
Gandhari
Dreamweaver
100 Kauravas
Internet Service Packs and patches

An Amazing Sentence in ENGLISH!!!!!

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” I do not know where family Doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting ; nevertheless , extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability transcentalizes intercommunication “s incomprehensibleness .”

The person who made the above sentence must be a vocabulary Genius !!!!

Reason….

This is sentence where the 1st word is one letter long , the 2nd word is two letter long, the 3rd one three letter long ..8th word is eight letter long and so on….

20th letter is twenty letter long…

pl read the sentence again with this tips!!!!…you will smile and enjoy…

natarajan.

source::::unknown…input from my friend..

Quotes with a Touch of Humour !!!!

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source::::unknown…input from a friend of mine..

natarajan

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
– Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.*”
Edgar Watson Howe
*
“*A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success!*”
Doug Larson
*
“*A harmful truth is always better then..a useful lie!*”
Eric Bolton
*
“*We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.*”
Phyllis Diller
*
“*Laughter is the closest distance between two people.*”
Victor Borge
*
“*Start every day with a smile and get it over with.*”
W.C. Fields
*
“*Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.*”
* *Will Rogers
*
“*Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work
out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney
*

*
“*Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn’t.*”
Erica Jong
*
“*Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive.*”
Elbert Hubbard
*
“*Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.*
*Wendell Johnson

A different Cop for a change!!!!

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source::::::input from my friend…..good one to read and share..
Natarajan

GOT TO LOVE THIS COP

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, uniform,
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AS” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AS” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an AGGRESIVE and Stupid!!!!

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, “Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?”

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”

Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?”

“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AS”
underlined.”

“What does the “AS” stand for, officer?”

“Aggressive and Short tempered , Sir.”

“Aggressive and sort tempered !!!!

“Yes, Sir.”

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for Agressive AND Stupid ?

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”

~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client!!!!!!!!!!!

சிரிக்க ..சிந்திக்க ….

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source::::story by Prema Subramanaiam…..kanchi perivaa forum.

Natarajan

பிராம்மணர்கள் கடல் கடந்து போவது ஆசாரகாவலரான ஆசார்யனுக்கு உகந்ததல்ல
என்று அறிந்த ஒரு அந்தண அடியார், சீமை சென்று திரும்பிய பின், அங்கும்
தமது ஆசாரங்களை வழுவாது பின்பற்றியதை பெரியவாளிடம் தெரிவித்தால் அதை அவர்
ஏற்று கொள்வார் என்று எண்ணினார்.

“இங்கிலாந்தில் கூட விடாமல் அம்மாவாசை தர்ப்பணம் பண்ணினேன்”

“அதாவது…..நீ போனது போறாதுன்னு, ஒன்னோட பித்ருக்களையும் சீமைக்கு
வரவழைச்சுட்டியாகĮ 1;கும்?” என்று சிரித்துகொண்டே ஒரு வெட்டு வெட்டினார்
பெரியவா!

——————————————————————————————————————— ———–

பெரியவாளின் முன் உளறி கொட்டி கிளறி மூடிய ஒரு உபன்யாசகர், “ஒரே அபத்தமாக
சொன்னேன். வ்ருத்தியாறதுக்கு பெரியவாதான் அனுக்ரஹிக்கணும்”

“அபத்தம் வ்ருத்தியாவதற்கு நான் வேற அனுக்ரஹிக்கணுமா?” என்றார் குறும்பாக பெரியவா!

——————————————————————————————————————— ———–

ஒருமுறை திருமதி M S ம் திரு சதாஸிவமும் கச்சேரிக்காக வெளிநாடு
சென்றுவிட்டு திரும்பியதும் பெரியவாளை தர்சனம் பண்ண வந்தார்கள். பூஜை
முடிந்து எல்லாருக்கும் தன் கையாலேயே தீர்த்தம் குடுத்துக்
கொண்டிருந்தார் பெரியவா. அந்த வரிசையில் சதாஸிவத்துக்கு பின்னால் திரு
ரா.கணபதி நின்று கொண்டிருந்தார்.

சாதாரணமாக கடல் கடந்து போய்விட்டு வந்த பிராம்மணனுக்கு பெரியவா தன்
கையால் சந்திரமௌலீஸ்வரர் அபிஷேக தீர்த்தம் தருவது சாஸ்த்ர விரோதமாகையால்
சதாசிவத்துக்கு பெரியவா கையால் தீர்த்தம் கிடைக்காது என்பது ரா.கணபதிக்கு
நிதர்சனமாக தெரிந்திருந்தது. ஆனால், சதாசிவத்துக்கு இந்த விஷயம்
தெரியாதாகையால் ரொம்ப சந்தோஷமாக இவரோடு பேசிக்கொண்டே கியூவில் முன்னேறிக்
கொண்டிருந்தார்.

ரா.கணபதிக்கு ரொம்ப இக்கட்டான சூழ்நிலை. “பெரியவாளே கதி” என்று நகர்ந்து
கொண்டிருந்தார். இதோ! சதாஸிவம் பெரியவா முன்னால் தீர்த்தத்துக்காக கையை
நீட்டிவிட்டார்…….

பெரியவா உத்ரணியை பாத்திரத்துக்குள் போட்டுவிட்டு, பக்கத்திலிருந்த
தேங்காயை எடுத்து தரையில் தட்டி உடைத்தார்……

“இன்னிக்கி ஒனக்கு ஸ்பெஷல் தீர்த்தம்!” இளநீரை சதாசிவத்தின் கைகளில்
விட்டார்! சதாசிவத்தின் முகத்தில் ஏகப்பட்ட சந்தோஷம்! ரா.கணபதிக்கோ
நிம்மதி பெருமூச்சு!

“பாத்தியா? இன்னிக்கி பெரியவா எனக்கு மட்டும் ஸ்பெஷல்..லா தீர்த்தம்
குடுத்துட்டார்!…”

சாஸ்த்ரத்தையும் மீறாமல், பிறர் மனஸ் நோகாமல் தீர்வு காண தெய்வத்தால்
மட்டுமே முடியும்!

Read more: http://periva.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=exptamil&action=display&thread=2777#ixzz2G7gwArA2

Humour In Life with Wife !!!!

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source::::input from a friend of mine…. nice stuff to read and laugh ….and share too …

Natarajan

Husband texts to wife on cell..
“Hi, what r u doing Darling?”
Wife: I’m dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”
Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”
Husband: “Bloody English Language!

Angry wife to her husband

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
“Where d Hell Are You …?”
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn’t Have Money That Time n I said “Baby It’ll Be Yours 1 Day … “O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

A Special Package for Business Men.

An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife’s Ticket Free.
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply…”Which Trip?”

An intelligent wife

”An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can’t Afford Another Woman”

New SIM to surprise her husband

Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: “Hello Darling”
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: “Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen ..

His funeral is tomorrow !!!!!!!!!

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa’s wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I’m changing d battery of my camera..

Part & Art of living

Having “WIFE” Is A Part Of Living…
But Having “GIRLFRIEND” Along With The “WIFE” Is Art Of Living .

Head & Neck of the family

It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

Too late for garbage

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck :
Am I Too Late For The Garbage ?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

What if you don’t see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
“how would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?”
The man couldn’t believe his luck: ‘that would be great’!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her……
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too…..
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Nice Little Hopes Keep All of us Active !!!!!

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source::::input from a friend of mine …. nice one to read and share…

Natarajan

NICE LITTLE BELIEFS.

1.Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella.
THAT’S FAITH!

. . . . .

2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her.
THAT’S TRUST!

. . . . .

3.Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next
Morning but still we set the alarms to wake us up.
THAT’S HOPE!

. . . . .

4. We plan big things for tomorrow inspite of zero knowledge of the future.
THAT’S CONFIDENCE!

. . . . .

5. We see the world suffering.
But still we get married?
THAT’S OVER CONFIDENCE!!

Breaking News or Breaking Peace ??!!!!

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Shakuntala .G. Soratur in THE HINDU

By shouting out as if the whole hemisphere had been set on fire, the anchor soon caused an upheaval in our drawing room

After four years, I decided to watch prime-time news on English channels for an entire hour without any break, thanks to the interesting news bit that appeared on the small screen with the tag, ‘BREAKING NEWS’. I watched the same story on two news channels for the first 10 minutes. Both channels were interviewing an activist and conducting a debate on the same issue (it was a sensational scam story and the debate was not ‘live’). The anchors shouted out their questions and sometimes, even before the activist could answer, another question was shot at him. Sometimes, they would stop him in mid-sentence and complete his answer in sarcasm.

After awhile, I zeroed in on the channel whose news anchor was breathing down the neck of the panellists’ without any ‘break’ in the news saga. By shouting out and pretending as if the whole hemisphere had been set on fire, the anchor soon caused an upheaval in our drawing room. My disgruntled husband and son staged a walkout in protest against the ‘foolish’ viewer. My father complained of headache and without paying much attention to it, concluded that the presenter might end up losing his vocal chords.

The second half of the news show turned out to be overbearing. The news anchor continued to bully a panellist in a high-pitched tone, while serious faces shook or nodded their heads depending on which side they were on. My husband and son re-entered the TV room. They looked hungry and serious. My three-year-old son began to wail, demanding that the idiot box be turned off. Most panellists were raising their voices simultaneously, while my husband picked up our son in his arms and shouted at me.

The effect of prime-time news was showing as I yelled back at him. ‘Thirty seconds to go, Mr …,’ the news anchor announced but did not allow the panellist he was addressing to speak for more than 10 seconds. The verdict came from the self-styled judge himself. The news anchor was announcing another media trial with extra zeal in his voice.

This was akin to watching a saas-bahu soap! I switched off the TV set, while my son wiped his tears and gave me a sullen look.

With a sense of guilt, I tried to woo my son, who refused to come near me. Forcefully, I pulled him to me and took him on my lap. The next instant, I felt his underwear was wet. I screamed at the little boy and was about to seek an answer for his act, when the dog in the neighbourhood began to bark. Who knows, there might have been a ‘cat fight’ outside or maybe, my aggression passed on to the poor creature!

(The writer‘s email ID is shakuntalags@gmail.com)

Keywords: breaking news, news anchors

Natarajan

No Fast Food at Our Times !!!… Only Slow Food !!!!

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source:::: input from my brother who is younger to me ….a true reflection of good old days !!!!!
Natarajan

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?

Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favourite ‘fast food’ when you were growing up?’
‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I informed him.
‘All the food was slow.’
‘C’mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?’
‘It was a place called ‘home,” I explained. !
‘Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I’d figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.

My parents never drove me to school… I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow)..

We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 15!!!!
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 PM, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people….

Pizzas were not delivered to our home… But milk was.

How many do you remember?
Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.. Ratings at the bottom

1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.
(There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi’s
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don’t tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You’re positively ancient!

I must be ‘positively ancient’ but those memories are some of the best parts of my life. I am sure People of my age group will tend to agree with my views …

Natarajan