humour

Joke of the Day…” Wrote a Check for Full Amount…” !!!

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An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate:

1. His Doctor

2. His Priest

3. His Lawyer.

He said, “Well, today I found out I don’t have long to live. So, I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave.” After the man passed on, the three people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, “I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money. He owed me from lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested. “The Priest said, “I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave.” Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing! “I am surprised at you two for taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!!!”

Source::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” Dont Worry ..we will find out…” !!!

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Missing Wife

>
> A husband went to the police station to file a
> “missing person” report for his missing wife:
>
> Husband :-I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn’t
> come back yet.
>
> Inspector :-What is her height?
>
> Husband :-I never checked.
>
> Inspector :-Slim or healthy?.
>
> Husband :-Not slim, but is healthy.
>
> Inspector :-Color of eyes?
>
> Husband :-Never noticed.
>
> Inspector :-Color of hair?
>
> Husband :-Changes according to season.
>
> Inspector :-What was she wearing?
>
> Husband :-Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
>
> Inspector :-Was she driving?
>
> Husband :- yes.
>
> Inspector :-color of the car? . . . . .
>
> Husband :-black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6
> engine generating 333 horse power, teamed with an
> eight-speed tip-tronic automatic transmission with
> manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use
> light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch
> on the front left door………and then the husband started crying…
>
> Inspector:-Don’t worry sir,…..We will find your car.

Source::: input from a friend of mine

Natarajan

Joke of the Day… ” Is he OK …? ” !!!

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The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, “My daddy fell in well last week.”

“Good Lord!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”

“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”

 

Source::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” Get My Hat as well … ” !!!

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While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn’t miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant and as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat.”

Source:::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” Do You Have any Questions … ” !!!

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A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.” She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.” She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?” Yes! Shouts the woman, “Just where were you on my wedding day!”

Source::: joke a day. com

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Joke of The Day… ” Smileys in Snail Mail … ” !!!

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You know it is time to reassess your relationship with

your computer when….

1. You wake up at 4 O’clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and

stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if

you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just

for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys 🙂 in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word

processor.com

7. You can’t correspond with your mother because she doesn’t have a

computer.

8. When your email box shows “no new messages” and you feel really

depressed.

9. You don’t know the gender of your three closest friends because they

have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to “Netscape” before you see the

landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don’t laugh, you just say “LOL, LOL”.

 

Source::::Joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day… ” You Go and Hide … ” !!!

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Grandfather to Grandson
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
Grandson: YOU go hide… I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!! ??????

 

Sister to brother: What are you going to gift grandma on her birthday?
Brother: A football.
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my birthday she gave me Bhagvad Gita. What about that?

 

Source::: Input From a friend of mine

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Joke of the Day…” I do not know … ” !!!

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A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydney’s larger constructions.

First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, “What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, “Thats the Gladesville Bridge”.

“Hmmph” said the Texan, “How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, “About 5 years with 1000 men.”

The Texan replied, “Well in Texas we would’ve done it in 2 years with 500 men.”

Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. “What’s that” said the Texan. “That’s the Sydney Opera House” was the reply.

“Hmmph” said the Texan, “How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, “About 10 years with 200 men”. The Texan replied “Well in Texas we would’ve done it in 4 years with 200 men.”

By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan’s attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbor Bridge came into view.

Immediately the Texan exclaimed, “Wow! What’s that?”

The Australian Engineer replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”

Source:::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day… … ” Stereo and Steering Wheel Stolen …” !!!

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An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried.

The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” He says. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.”

 

Source::::joke a day.com

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