humour

Joke of the Day…” That is Crowbar from Sears …” !!!

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 There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and — WHACK!! — knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden — WHACK!! — the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.” So the little guy has had enough of this… He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and — WHAM!!!” — knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, “When he gets up, tell him that’s a crowbar from Sears.  

SOURCE:::: Joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” Help Me Please …” !!!

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There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it’s going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.

You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!

Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?

I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!

 

Source::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” Hit Him Again … ” !!!

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An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

“Hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!!”

 

SOURCE::::: joke a day.com

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Jokes for the Weekend… ” Why is 6 afraid of 7 ” ?

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Q. Why was the fly dancing on the jam jar?
A. Because on the lid it said, “Twist to open

……………………..

The oldest joke in the book, but oh well!

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9 (Seven Ate Nine, get it?)

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Q: What did one English book say to the math book?
A: You have too many problems

…………………..

Do you know why electricians are some of the smartest people?

They always keep up with current events.

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The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes, that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.

………………………….

SOURCE:::::joke a day.com

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Laughter …The Best Medicine !!!

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TOM TOM  writing medical entrance exam… gives definitions as follows :

*Antibody : Against everybody
*Artery : Study of fine paintings
*Genes : Blue denims
*Labour pain : Hurt at work
*Microbes : Small dressing gowns
*Cardiology : Advanced study of playing cards
*Cat scan : Searching for lost cat
*Coma : Punctuation mark
*Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria

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Best part…..he gets MBBS degree……Bachelor in madness….and Bachelor in stupidity

A funny  story of a C.A.’s wife.

There was a C.A., who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money.
He was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife…
‘When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.’
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart.
He died soon.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there,dressed in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before
the undertakers got ready to close the casket.

The obedient wife said,
‘Wait just a moment!’ She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box
and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
Then her friend said, ‘Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.’

The loyal wife replied,
‘Listen, I’m a wife; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him.’

‘You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?’

I sure did,’ said the loyal wife. ‘I got all the money together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque….
I put the cheque in the casket.Now it is upto him to encash the cheque.’
“If he can cash it, then he can spend it.”

 

SOURCE:::: Unknown….Input from a friend of mine

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Joke For The Day…” I have an Idea…” !!!

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Two roofers, Larry and Joe were on the roof laying tile, when a sudden wind gust came and knocked down their ladder. “I have an idea” said Larry. “I ’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.” What, do you think   , I’m stupid? “I have and idea” said Joe. “I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.” What, do you think I’m stupid? “You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.”

Source:::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” where is the Car ” ?

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Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In the swimming pool.”

 

SOURCE:::::joke a day.com

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