humour

Laughter The Best Medicine ….” Someone Really Important ” !!!

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Many years ago, the pope decided to visit New York. He is of course provided with a beautiful car and a dedicated driver to take him wherever he wishes to go.

When the pope sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: “Do you mind if I ask you a favor?”

“A favor for the pope??” exclaims the driver, “of course, anything!”

“Would you mind if I drove a little?” Asked the pope, “I never get to and I’d really like to once again drive a little for myself.”

The driver got scared, what if he let the pope get into an accident, but he couldn’t say no to the pope, and so the pope took the wheel… and immediately started to speed up like a maniac!

After going 100 mph in a 45mph zone, a police car zooms in next to them and they are requested to stop. The police officer walks slowly to their car, looks at the window for a moment, and then quickly steps back to his car.

His sergeant got this call:

Cop: “Sir, I have a problem.”

Sergeant: “What kind of problem?”

Cop: “Well, I pulled over this driver for over-speeding, but he’s someone really important.”

Sergeant: “Important like the mayor?”

Cop: “No, no, a lot more important than that.”

Sergeant: “Important like the governor?”

Cop: “Way more important than that.”

Sergeant: “Important like the president??”

Cop: “Much more important.”

Sergeant: “Who’s more important than the president?”

Cop: “I don’t know, but he has the Pope DRIVING for him!”….

 

source::::babamailnet

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Just For Laugh !!!!….True Mother in law !!!!

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Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said the first one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.

And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.

“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”

“Sounds good to me,” said the first woman. But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”

The wise King did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.

“But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the King’s court.

“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”

 

source:::::babamailnet

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Laughter the Best Medicine For Stress ….Try this One !!!

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There was a man who couldn’t stand his wife’s cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house.

He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.

The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home. And again, the cat was there waiting for him. ‘This is impossible,’ said the man to himself. ‘tomorrow I’ll make sure he can’t come back!’

The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn – right, left, right, right and so on.Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home.

A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers it. It’s the husband, and he asks: “Is the cat there?” “Why, yes.” says the wife, “he’s been here quite a while, where are you?”

“Put that specimen on the phone, I’m lost and I need directions from him !!!!

 

source::::babamail net

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Joke For The Weekend …. “Why Should I give Money to You ” !!!

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The Generous Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“-or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give MONEY to YOU??”

 

source ::::babamail net

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Joke for The Weekend ….Who was to Be Thrown Out ? !!!!

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The train was quite crowded and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat,

But the only seat left was taken by a poodle belonging to a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman.
The war-weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular: ‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.’

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

‘Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired
…….’

She snorted, ‘Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!’

This time the Marine didn’t say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, ‘Someone must defend my honour!

‘This American should be put in his place!’

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up:

‘Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

‘You hold the fork in the wrong hand.

‘You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

‘And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.’

source:::::unknown….input from a friend of mine

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Joke For The Day… “Shut Up You Idiot “!!!!

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One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and forcefully drags him into his office.

The zookeeper then explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

The next morning, before visitors arrive at the zoo, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

Not about to lose the attention of the adoring crowd, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.

Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “HELP! HELP ME!”, but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion when he suddenly hears the lion whisper: “Shut up you idiot! You wanna get us both fired?”!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

source :::::babamailnet

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Just For Laugh !!!…. i need only one copy !!!!

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A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I only need one copy.”

 

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Sure. I’ve been asked to install the phone line.”

 

 

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”

And the HR Person said, “Certainly, …but you started it.”

 

source:::::babamailnet

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Laughter The Best Medicine !!!… ” Who is This ?” !!!

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1: WE ARE NOT DEAD!
Two little boys stole a bag of mangoes from their neighbor and decided to go to a calm place to share the loot.

One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, 2 mangoes fell out of the bag behind the gate but they didn’t bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

Few minuets latter a drunkard on his way from a local bar passes near the cemetery gate and heard a voice: “One for me, one for you.”One for me, one for you.”

He immediately sobers up and runs as fast as he can to the local priest.

“Father father please come with me, come and witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.”

They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued: “One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you, one for me, one for you…

Suddenly the voice stop counting and says: “Hey, What about the two at the gate?”

The priest and the drunkard took to their heels shouting, “We are not dead yet… we are not dead yet… we are not dead yet…”

 

2. PAYING BACK THE LOAN

Two youths are walking down the street at night when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.

They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a note.

“Here’s that Rs.500 I owe you,” he said.

 

3. LOVING HUSBANDS

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on “how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.”

The women were asked, ‘How many of you love your husbands?’

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, ‘When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?’
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don’t understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won’t forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today…!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

and the best one

10. Who is this?

 

source::::::unknown….input from my friend…

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“Fox in a Fix ” !!!…

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fox

A young red fox had fallen victim to its own curiosity and ended up stuck in the discarded jar, so approached two men for help on a Russian dirt road. As the freed fox ran away, one of the men joked in Russian: ‘Where’s the thank you?’ Wild foxes are usually shy so this young one clearly knew that plucking up the courage to approach the men was the only way out.

source:::::mailonline.com

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Pride and Seek !!!….” Let Me Show My Power !!!!”…Big Brother Proves !!!

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The play fighting pair were spotted by photographer David Jenkins, at the Antelope Park in Zimbabwe.

If ever it looks like we might be getting a bit above our station, we can always rely on our siblings to pull us back down to earth. And that is exactly what happened to this young showboating lion as he showed off his athletic prowess in front of his less than impressed brother. The play fighting pair were spotted by photographer David Jenkins, at the Antelope Park in Zimbabwe.

 

Monkeying around: A lion looks casually at photographer David Jenkins at the Antelope Park in Zimbabwe as his brother attempts to climb a tree above him

Monkeying around: A lion looks casually at photographer David Jenkins at the Antelope Park in Zimbabwe as his brother attempts to climb a tree above him

I don't think so: The lion then jumps up on to the tree to try and knock his brother down                Where do you think you're going? A lion bites the end of his brother's tail

Where do you think you’re going? A lion bites the end of his brother’s tail, pictured left, before jumping up on to the tree himself to try and knock his brother down

Big cat fight: The lion bounds up the tree after his brother who has found refuge in the branches

Big cat fight: The lion bounds up the tree after his brother who has found refuge in the branches

Going, going, gone: The lion finally shows his brother who's boss after managing to tackle him to the ground

Going, going, gone: The lion finally shows his brother who’s boss after managing to tackle him to the ground

source::::Amanda Williams In mailonline.com

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