humour

Laughter…. The Best Medicine For Stress !!!!!!

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A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, “What?”

Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.
“Pretty good, I think,” replied Jennifer, “but if I go to work there I won’t get a vacation until I’m married.”
Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. “Is that what they told you?”
“No”, replied Jennifer, “but right on the application it said ‘vacation time may not be taken until you’ve had your First Anniversary

Patient explains “Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress at work and I keep losing my temper with people. I yell at them, get cranky and abuse them all the time.
Doctor: Well, tell me about your problem in details. I think I can help you out.
Patient: Why the hell are you practicing medical? Nonsense! I just did, didn’t I … are you a stupid fool? Get lost you idiot and don’t make me lose my temper!!

A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”
“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.” “Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative. The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!”

source::::siliconindianet
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Just For Laugh !!!!……Moral of The Story !!!!!!

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And the Moral Is…

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket..”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched..”

“Very good!” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.

Next it was Barney’s turn to tell his story: “My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.”

“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.

“Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?”

“Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s drunk.”!!!!!!!!!

source::::babamailnet
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Just For Laugh !!!…..Bond …James Bond !!!!!!

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On A Flight James Bond Was Sitting Next To A Telugu Guy.
Telugu Guy: “Hello, May I Know Your Name Please?”
James Bond: “My Name Is Bond’ Continuing In His Inimitable Style.. James Bond.”
Then Bond Asks: “And You?

Telugu Guy: “My Name Is Rao…
“Siva Rao…
“Samba Siva Rao…
“Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…

Since Then When Anyone Asks Bond His Name He Simply Says James Bond!!!!!!!!!!!!

source::::input from a friend of mine..
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Jokes For The Weekend ….Booster Dose !!!!

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President Idi Amin once called his Foreign Minister and told him that
he wanted to change the name of UGANDA to IDI. The Hon. Minister was tasked to canvas world opinion and return to the Field Marshal in two weeks.
He did not do so and was summoned and asked to explain.
He said “Mr. President, I have been reliably informed that there is a country called Cyprus and its citizens are called Cypriots.
If we change the name of our country to IDI, Our citizens will be called “IDIOTS”

An man sees a barber-shop with a sign saying “The World’s Closest, Cleanest Shave – Or Double Your Money Back”.

Curious – especially since he has a thick growth, which makes it difficult to get a really clean shave – he goes inside. He asks the barber how he can possibly make that promise. The barber smiles at him and says that in the past ten years no customer has ever asked for his money back.

How is that, asks the man. The barber again smiles and says it is all because of his secret shaving technique.

Even more curious now, the man asks for a shave and sits down in the barber’s chair.

The barber carefully unlocks his drawer and produces a small lacquered wooden ball. He places the ball in the man’s cheek to gently stretch the skin. And he then proceeds to shave the cheek as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

After finishing one side, the barber places the ball in the other cheek and repeats the process on the other side. The result is the most fantastic shave the man has ever had.

Very impressed, he pays the barber, and gives him a big tip. Then just before leaving, he stops, turns to the barber and asks, “You know that ball is so small and smooth I nearly swallowed it while you were shaving me”

The barber smiles and says “Actually, a lot of my customers do swallow that ball, sir”

“So what happens when they do that?”

“Oh, nothing. I just tell them to bring it back next day morning.”!!!!!!!!!!!!

source:::unknown…input from a friend of mine
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Jokes For The Week end…. Laugh it off !!!!

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They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it is true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

What did the gangster’s son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
‘Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!’

What’s the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn’t work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

A little boy went up to his father and asked :
‘Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?’
His father replied:
‘Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,
because I still have mine.’

Jimmy’s teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
‘Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much
of his time thinking about girls.’
The mother wrote back the next day:
‘If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father!’

After the honeymoon he was meticulously and lovingly organizing his precious golf equipment.

She said: You know dear, maybe now that we’re married you should give up golf.

He said: You know, you’re beginning to sound like my ex-wife.

She said: I didn’t know you were married before.

He said: I wasn’t.!!!!

SOURCE:::::UNKNOWN….input from a friend of mine…
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Laugh With Kids….No Kidding !!!!!

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TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That’s impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.

2.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

3.
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

4.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

5.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

6.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

7.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can’t fool me, Teacher…snakes don’t have feet.

8.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don’t bite any.

9.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

10.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

11.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

source::::stumble upon .com net

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World”s Wonderful Music !!!!!

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Nothing Like Baby’s Laughter….
Research has shown that baby sounds, especially crying or laughing, is unique among sounds. It has a special, VIP entrance to our nervous system. without stopping at the brain. Because of that, a minue listening to a baby’s laughter is more contagious than any other laughter you hear!

 

 

source::::baba mail net

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Laughter …..The Best Medicine !!!….Even For Fighting Couple !!!!

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me
as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started.
*************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted
for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.
***************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded
that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started.
***************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high
school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a
drunken man swigging his drink as he sat
alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after
we split up those many yearsago, and I
hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would
think a person could go on celebrating
that long?’
And then the fight started.
***************************
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started.
***************************
 I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go
for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in
sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I’ve not been in a long time.
So I took her to the kitchen.
Then the fight started

source::::input from my friend…

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