Jokes for the Weekend….

Natarajan

 

Chocolate Chip Cookies
An old man was lying on his deathbed.

With only hours to live, he suddenly smelt chocolate chip cookies wafting up from the kitchen. Driven on by his favourite smell, he somehow managed to pull himself out of bed, across the floor to the stairs, and slowly down the stairs to the kitchen.

There, the old man’s wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last bit of energy, mustering everything he had left, he reached for a cookie only to get his hand slapped.

“No,” the wife snapped, “these are for the funeral!”
……………………….

· Where Have You Been???

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, “You good- for-nothing bastard! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago.”
…………………….
Key to a Happy Marriage

For those of us “of a certain age” and for you youngsters, well, these days will come soon enough!

Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. 

Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband’s mobile.

“Hello My Love,” I stammered; I always call him “My Love” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a long period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice.

He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, please come and get me.”

He retorted, “I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”

This is what they call, “a senior moment.”

……………….

· Testing Sons-in-law

An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her three sons-in-law. One a fine day, she was walking along a lake shore with the first son-in-law.

Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help. The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.

The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wording, “Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!”

Another day she went out with her second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell in the lake and started yelling for help. The second son-in-law, too, jumped into the water and dragged her out, onto the shore.

The next day he found a brand new E-Class Mercedes at his doorstep with the wording, “Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!”

The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy got scared and ran away without offering any help to her. The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

The next day the third son-in-law was surprised to see a new brand new Rolls-Royce waiting at his doorsteps with the following wording, “Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law!”
Source….unknown….input from a friend of mine
Natarajan

Leave a comment