humour – Page 26 – Take off with Natarajan

Joke of the Day…. ” Change Your Course…” !!!

March 11, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?

Nothing; It just waved. !!!!

…………………………………….

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”

The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”

Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”

“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”

Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”

There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.” !!!

SOURCE::::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

” அடிக்’கடி’ படித்து சிரிக்க ….!!! … ‘கடி’ ஜோக் …!!!

March 10, 2015March 10, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

” கடவுளும், மனைவியும் ஒன்று தெரியமா”?..!!!

” அது எப்படிடா”?…

” இரண்டு பேருமே நாம் சொல்வதை எல்லாம் கேட்பார்கள். ஆனால் அவர்கள் இஷ்டப்படி தான் நடப்பார்கள்”!!…

………………….

என்னய்யா இது?….
வாட்ச்மேனைக் கூட்டிட்டு வந்து
லோன் வேணும்னு கேக்கிறே?”
.
“”செக்யூரிட்டியோட வந்தா
“லோன்” தரேன்னு நீங்கதானே சொன்னீங்க”

…………………..

வெளியூர்காரர் ஒரு வீட்டின் காலிங் பெல்லை அழுத்தினார். ஒரு வாண்டு கதவை திறந்து எட்டி பார்த்தான்.
” அப்பா இருக்காரா…?”
“இல்ல… வெளியூர் போயிருக்கார்…”
” அப்போ, வீட்டுல பெரியவங்க, தாத்தா, பாட்டி, இருக்காங்களா..?”
“அவங்க சித்தப்பா வீட்டுக்கு போயிட்டாங்க…”
“அண்ணனையாவது கூப்பிடு…”
” அண்ணன் கிரிக்கெட் விளையாட போயிருக்கான்.”
“சரிப்பா.. அம்மாவையாவது கூப்பிடு…”
” அம்மா கோயிலுக்கு போயிருக்காங்க…”
வந்தவர் கடுப்பேறி…. நீ மட்டும் ஏன் இருக்கே…? நீயும் எங்கேயாவது போகவேண்டியதுதானே…?’
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“ஆமா…. நானும் என் ப்ரெண்ட் வீட்டுக்குத்தான் வந்திருக்கேன்…

……………………………..

ஹலோ.. சத்தமா பேசுங்க,
கிணத்துக்குள்ளே இருந்து பேசற மாதிரி கேட்குது!”
*
*
“அங்கிருந்துதான்டி பேசறேன், வந்து காப்பாத்து…”

SOURCE::::: Input from a friend of mine

Natarajan

Just For Laugh … ” Laila …Laila …” !!!

March 10, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

A man visits a mental hospital. He sees a patient with torn clothes and

unkempt hair shouting ” Laila, Laila “.

He asks the assistant about the reason for his behavior.

Asst. says the patient used to love a girl called Laila, but couldn’t marry her.

So he became mad.

The man visits the next ward.

There also he sees another patient with torn clothes and unkempt hair shouting “Laila , Laila “.

The man looks at the assistant.

The assistant says

“This one….. MARRIED Laila” !!!!!

SOURCE:::: input from a friend of mine

Natarajan

Just For Laugh…” Seven -Ten Cap …” !!!

March 10, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

A blonde lady goes into an auto parts store and asks for a seven-ten cap.
All the clerks look at each other, and one says, “What’s a seven-ten cap?”
She says, “You know, it’s right on the engine. Mine got lost and some how and I need a new one.”
“What kind of a car is it on?” the clerk asked.
“It’s a Toyota.”
“Okay lady, how big is it?”
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.
The clerk asks, “What does it do?”
“I don’t know, but its always been there.”
By now, the manager has come over. He hands the lady a note pad and asks her if she could draw a picture of it. The customer carefully draws a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. In the center she writes “710.”
The guys behind the counter, who are looking at the drawing upside down, can barely control their laughter as the boss walks to a shelf, grabs an OIL cap and puts in on the counter.
“That’s it!” the lady says. “How much?”
“It’s on the house,” the manager replied. “Please come back often. You have no idea how entertaining it was waiting on you.”

SOURCE:::: http://www.silicon india.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day…” A Talking Greyhound… ? ” !!!

March 10, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

Two rather old retired racehorses are in a bar getting totally drunk. After about two hours the first racehorse says “You know…. when I was a young racehorse…from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 90 races, got 5 seconds and 5 thirds…. I am without doubt the greatest racehorse that ever lived….blah blah blah…”

In response to this and approximately a half an hour later the second racehorse responded, “Oh yeah…when I was a young racehorse…from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 95 races, got 2 seconds and 3 thirds…. I am the greatest racehorse that ever lived…. blah blah blah…”

Now it was about this time that the bartender (a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said, “I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a young greyhound, from one hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds.”

The two racehorses were shocked and for 5 minutes sat with their mouths open until the fist racehorse finally said, “Isn’t that amazing (hic)…a talking greyhound!”

SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

Joke For the Day… ” That is Bravery …” !!!

March 9, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

The Meaning of Bravery.

A British SAS squad and an American Marines squad are together in the middle of a city. The commanding officers of each group are discussing the merits of SAS vs Marines: these officers have reputations for being the strongest, toughest and most feared men in the whole of the armed forces.

The American squad leader turns to the British officer and says, “My Marines are so much braver than your SAS.”

“I doubt that very much,” says the SAS officer.

“They are much braver,” says the American. “Watch this.”

The American squad leader turns to one of his Marines and shouts, “SERGEANT!! Climb to the very top of that building and jump off.”

“SIR, YES SIR,” shouts the sergeant. The sergeant runs inside the building, runs to top and without a second’s thought, jumps off the top of the building and smashes into the ground. He survives but is very badly injured and gets taken away on a stretcher. The American leader turns to the SAS officer and says, “Now that’s bravery.”

“Yeah? Well watch this,” says the British officer. He turns to his men and bellows at the top of his voice, “YOU, PRIVATE, CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THAT BUILDING AND JUMP OFF.”

The private looks at the officer and says, “Sir, GO AND TRY YOURSELF, Sir.”

The Officer turns around to the American and says, “You see? THAT’S bravery.”

SOURCE:::: http://www.ba-bamail.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day…” Three Flat Tires and Two Headlights…” !!!

March 9, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

A young waiter just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver.

The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; “Can I take your order sir?”

The truck driver replied, “Sure kid, I want three flat tires and two headlights.”

The young man was very puzzled and said, “I beg your pardon?”

The truck driver said again, “Look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights.”

The young man was still puzzled, but replied; “Yes sir, whatever.”

The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook.

He told him about the truck driver’s order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, “I think he’s in the wrong place.”

The head cook said, “I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him.”

The cook said to the waiter “Here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this.”

The truck driver said, “Listen kid, I didn’t order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights.”

The waiter replied, “Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!”

SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day….” Calendar Thief …” !!!

March 7, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

Did you hear about the calendar thief?

He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!…

…………………………

A mean lookin’ cowboy was sitting by himself in a Saloon. He was a pretty intimidating sight, so no one bothered him as he downed a few whiskey and beers. After chugging his last drink he slammed some coins on the tabletop and got up to leave. Right after he left though he came storming back in and said,

“Listen up you mangey bastards” and everyone, terrified, immediately fell silent.
“Someone done took my horse. Now here’s what’s gunna happen. I’m gunna order me another drink, finish it, and when I walk back outside this time my horse BETTER be there or else I’m gunna do what I did in Texas… and believe me, I don’t want to do what I did in Texas!”

Like he said, after he finished his drink he walked outside and sure enough, someone had returned his horse. He was getting on it when one of the bar patrons ran up to him and sheepishly asked,

“Sir I don’t mean to bother you but I just have to know, what did you do in Texas?”

The cowboy looked at him square in the eyes and replied,

“I walked home”………

SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day… ” Well…There You go…’ !!!

March 5, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”
SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

Just For Laugh…. A Good Tonic For Stress Relief … !!!

March 4, 2015NatarajanLeave a comment

Jokes!

Smart answer by a female…

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him…

‘Nice perfume…..which one is it?…
I want to gift it to my wife..!!’

Lady
‘Don’t give her….some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!’
Super Insults:

A letter from a teacher to a parent:

Dear Parent,
Kumar doesn’t smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.

Parent’s answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him……

Mother to Son:
Who is Tippu Sultan ?
Son : Don’t know
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don’t know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also

A cute excuse:
Teacher-Y r u late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-so what makes U late if dey were fighting?
Student-one shoe was in mom’s hand and one in dad’s..

Girl: wat’s d price of galaxy grand??
Salesman: Rs.18,000/-
Girl: OMG
Girl: and iphone?? . .
Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG
Girl:
Salesman:
————————————————-
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!!

Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife’s scolding, he took a laptop & started working.