Joke for the Day…

An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands. On the way back, his wife calls his cell phone.

“Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there’s a car driving the wrong way on the interstate.”

“Not just one car, they all are!”

………………………………………

After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go.

“All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall.”

Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day.

Only one private remained.

He looked at the officer and sincerely said, “Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, sarge.”

SOURCE::::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

joke of the Day… ” I took a Photo …” !!!

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

…………………….

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, “Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Tortoises’.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post tortoise’ was.

The old farmer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that’s a post tortoise.”

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.

“You know he didn’t get up there by himself,

he doesn’t belong up there,

he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there,

he’s elevated beyond his ability to function,

and you just wonder what kind of idiot put him up there to begin with.”
SOURCE::::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

 

Joke of the Day… “Shakespeare’s Seat … ” !!!

My grandparents were taking me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

“Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?”

“You are in seat 2-B, so it’s the Shakespeare seat.”

“Don’t be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Well, it’s either seat 2-B or not 2-B.”  !!!

SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

Just For Laugh …

For those who identify with the Irish…..
    

• Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.  Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. 
         

• An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?”
“Who told you that?” asked Paddy. 
 

• Question – Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer – So the English can understand them.
 
 

• Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.  The jury foreman came out and announced, “Not guilty.”
“That’s grand!” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I can keep the money?” 
 

• Irish lass customer: “Could I be trying on that dress in the window?”
Shopkeeper: “I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.” 
 
 

• Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning.  I can’t break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home . 

 

• Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.  “Quick!” he said.  “Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’ to have a baby!”
“Tell me, is this her first baby?” the intern asked.
“No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.” 

 

SOURCE:::: input from a friend of mine
Natarajan

Joke of the Day….” We are ok … We should Celebrate…” !!!

A man and a woman get in a terrible car wreck.

Both of their vehicles were completely destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt.

Thankful, the woman says to the man in a flirting tone, “We’re both okay, we should celebrate.”

So the woman gets a bottle of wine out of the trunk of the smashed car, and hands it to the man with a smile.

The man almost forgetting about the accident takes a really big drink, and hands the bottle to the woman.

The woman closes the bottle and put it away.

The man asks, “Aren’t you going to take a drink?”

And the woman replies, “No, I’ll celebrate after the cops leave.”

SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

” God is Busy… So HE Sent me…” !!!

If you don’t know GOD, don’t make stupid remarks!
A young Canadian paratrooper was taking some college

 

courses between assignments. He had completed 3 tours of duty in Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed

 

atheist and a member of the Canadian Civil Liberties

 

Association (CCLA).

 
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 
GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform…I’ll give you exactly 15 min.”
 
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
 
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed,
“Here I am GOD, I am still waiting.”
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the soldier

 

got out of his chair, went up to the professor,

 

and cold-cocked him; knocking him clean off the platform.

 
The professor was down & out cold.
The young soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and

 

sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken,

 

looked at the soldier and asked,

“What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?” 
 
The young soldier stood up and calmly replied,
“GOD was too busy today protecting soldiers, who are protecting your right

 

to say stupid shit and act like an idiot. So He sent me.” 

SOURCE::::: input from a friend of mine…
Natarajan

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Jokes For the Weekend…!!!

“Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”

“Huge hands, sir.”

………………………….

Bob’s a factory worker, and one day, the boss is showing a bunch of Japanese investors around the factory. One of them sees Bob, and they promptly exchange handshakes and start talking like long lost friends. Afterwards, Bob’s boss asks him what that was about. Bob just replies ‘oh, I know him from a few years back, I actually know a lot of important people.’

His boss is sceptic, but Bob replies: ‘Tell you what, name anyone you can think off, I bet you that they know me.’ ‘Fine,’ says his boss, and he’s determined to have Bob be embarrassed, so he decides to put the bar high: ‘President Obama.’ ‘Cool, no problem,’ says Bob.

A week later they’re both standing outside the White House, and Obama comes out, spots Bob and goes “Bob? What are you doing here? Come in, bring your friend, let’s have a drink together.” Bobs boss has no clue how, but somehow Bob and the president are friends. Once they leave his boss goes ‘Fine, you know the president, but I bet you don’t know the pope’.

Bob accepts the challenge, and the next week they’re standing in Saint Peters square. ‘This isn’t gonna work, he’s never going to see me here when there’s this much people. You stay here, I’ll go talk to him and you’ll see me on the balcony, the guards know me too.’ Half an hour later, Bob and the pope appear side by side on the balcony. Bobs boss gets a heart attack, and Bob goes to visit him in the hospital.

‘What happened? Did you not expect me to actually know the pope?’ ‘No, it wasn’t that, I sort of expected that to happen. But there was a tourist next to me that asked ‘Who’s the guy in his pajamas standing next to Bob there?’
SOURCE::::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan

 

 

Joke of the Day…” Hey… I am Panda …Look it Up…” !!!

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.

The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”

The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”

The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!”

The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

SOURCE:::: http://www.joke a day.com

Natarajan