humour

Joke of the Day… ” It eats, shoots and leaves…” !!!

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A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, “HEY YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!” The panda turns around and yells “Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!” So, the bartender looks up “Panda” in the encyclopedia, and it reads “Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves.” 

SOURCE::: joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day…” How do I drink this Coffee…” ? !!!

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A customer ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant! The waiter served the coffee. The customer found a fly in the coffee. He called the waiter.

Customer: How do I drink this coffee!
Waiter: Don�t you know how to drink a coffee?
Customer: Waiter, see, there is a fly in my coffee.
Waiter: Oh yes sir, you are right! There is a fly in your coffee.
Customer: Waiter, I said, there is a fly in MMY coffee (He stressed the word MY)
Waiter: Oh don�t worry sir, the fly won�t drink much!
Customer: Waiter, it is swimming in my coffee.
Waiter: Sir, do you want me to get a lifeguard for the fly sir?
(Annoyed) Customer: the fly dead, it�s irritating!
Waiter: I guess, it doesn�t know how to swim properly.
Customer: How do I drink this coffee?
Waiter: Don�t you know how to drink? I will teach you!

He drank the coffee! And said, this is how you should drink a coffee.

 

SOURCE::::joke a day.com

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The World’s Best Or Most Unlucky Goalie !!!

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The World’s Best or Most Unlucky Goalie

When a game of soccer ends with a tie, the game moves to a stage called “penalty kicks”, in which the ball is placed in the penalty-kick position. Then, a player tries to kick it into the goal. The teams alternate between them, and (unless they are still tied) the team with more points wins. In this case, the goalie for the North Carolina Tar Heels found an unorthodox way to stop the ball…

 

SOURCE::: You Tube and ba-ba-mail site

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Joke of the Day…” He is Getting Married …” !!!

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Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.”

 

SOURCE::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day… ” Is your Uncle an Electrician … ? ” !!!

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A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: “Do you know how to use the equipment?” “Yes”, the boy replied. “Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?” The young applicant thought and replied “I’d press the button to change the points without hesitation.” “What if the button was frozen and wouldn’t work?” “I’d run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually” “And if the lever was broken?” “I’d get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points,” he replied. “And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?” The boy thought about that one. “I’d run into town and get my uncle” “Is your uncle an electrician?”

“No, but he’s never seen a train crash before!” 

SOURCE::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day … ” Don’t Mess with Engineers… ” !!!

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5 Doctors and 5 Engineers are travelling by rail from Pune to Mumbai.

They gather at Pune Railway Station.

Both groups desperately try to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE-MUMBAI):
————————————–
5 Engineers buy only 1 ticket, and 5 doctors buy 5 tickets. doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come

When TC arrives, all 5 Engineers get into one toilet, so when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away.

On the return journey, they don’t get a direct train to Pune, so both group decide to take a passenger train till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a Local Train to Pune.

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI-LONAVALA):
——————————————-

Doctorss decided, This time, we will prove that we are smarter.

5 doctors buy 1 ticket, Engineers don’t buy any ticket at all ! TC arrives

All doctor IN ONE TOILET.

ALL Engineers IN THE OPPOSITE TOILET.

One Engineer gets out and knocks the door of doctor toilet.

One doctor’s hand comes out with the tickets,

Engineer takes the ticket and enters toilet.

TC drives out all the doctor from the toilet,

And they are heavily fined.

SCENE 3 (LONAVALA):
———————————
Now, both the groups are at LONAVALA Railway Station.

Doctors are planning their move for a last chance, They board the local train to Pune.

This time, doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL doctors take 1 ticket

Engineers buy 5 tickets.

TC Comes. All Engineers show their tickets,

AND Doctors are still searching for toilet in the Local train!!!!!

Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, Don’t mess with Engineers.

SOURCE:::: siliconindia.com
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Jokes For the Day….” Reason For a Divorce …” !!!

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1) Man standing at ATM machine!
Thief: Get and withdraw all the money and give it to us!
Man: But I do not have ATM!
Thief: Than what are you doing here?
Man: Just to chill myself in their air conditions.

2) World’s three vary innocent faces:
A- Sleeping child.
B- The person who is asking to for give some money!
C- Our Friend who is sitting in front of our parent!

3) When did the king die?
In his last war!

4)What is the main reason of divorce?
Marriage!

5) In which state biggest rives flows?
Liquid!

6) When our Prime Minister birth?
On his Birthday!

7)How will you divide 7 mangoes between 10 people?
By making Mango Shake!

8)In whole year, where maximum ice fall?
In Glass of wine!

9) Wife (Angrily): I just can not believe this! You forgot my birth day! How dare you!
Hubby (in very tempting voice): Darling, how can you expect me to remember this day when you never look any older!
Wife: Really, my love?
Hubby: Yes, Honey… (thinking – Thank God, I recall the dialogue at right time, otherwise, I would have dead today)

SOURCE:::jokes.siliconindia.com

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Joke of the Day…” Jan 2 ..Feb 2…” !!!

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An Antartian died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer three questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.

2. How many seconds are in a year?

3. What is God’s first name?

The Antartian thought for a few minutes and answered…

1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.”

Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year, and why did you ever think that God’s first name was either Andy or Howard?”

The Antartian replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”

“OK, I give,” said Saint Peter, “but what about the God’s first name stuff?”

The Antartian said, “Well, from the song….Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own…, and the prayer…Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name….”

Saint Peter let him in without another word. 

SOURCE:::: jokeaday.com

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