humour

Joke For The Day … ” Not only a Can Of Peaches , But also A Can of Peas…” !!!

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” > > The concerned husband:
> >
> > A cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery
> > store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager
> > to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her
> > away, complaining and criticizing throughout the process.
> >
> >
> > When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she
> > had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied,
> > “Just a stupid can of peaches.”
> >
> > The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied,
> > “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the
> > store.”
> >
> >
> > The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She
> > replied, “Nine, but what do you care about that?”
> >
> > The judge patiently said, “Well, ma’am, because
> > I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for
> > each peach.”

As the judge was about to drop gavel,
the lady’s long suffering husband raised his hand
and asked if he might speak.
> >
> >
> > The judge said, “Yes, what do you have to add?”
> >
> > The husband said, “Your Honour, she also stole a can of
> > peas.”

 

source :::: input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Just For Laugh… ” We Mind Our Business ” !!!

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An anti-British sign?

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000  TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!’

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, Britain is a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps its greatest liberty.

After all, it is ONLY A SIGN.

You may ask What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?
Answer:

A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID THE SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?!!!!?

source:::: input frtom a friend of mine

natarajan

Guess The Profession of Kesavan !!!

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  If Parsis can have their names as per their professions, why can’t
Tamilians also have the same?
(After all, we are not Britishers to have names such as Barber, Cook,
Underwood, etc…). So, here
goes….the list !!!!

 Doctor — Vaidyanathan

Dentist — Pallavan

Lawyer — Kesavan

Financier — Dhanasekaran

Cardiologist — Irudhayaraj

Pediatrist — Kuzhandaisamy

Psychiatrist — Mano

Sex Therapist — Kamadevan

Marriage Counsellor — Kalyanasundaram

Ophthalmologist –Kannappan or kannayiram

ENT Specialist — Neelakandan

Diabetologist — Sakkarapani

Nutritionist — Arogyasamy

Hypnotist — Sokkalingam

Mentalist — Budhisikamani

Exorcist — Maatruboodham

Magician — Mayandi

Builder — Sengalvarayan

Painter — Chitraguptan

Meteorologist — Kaarmegam

Agriculturist — Pachaiyappan

Horticulturist — Pushpavanam

Landscaper — Bhuminathan

Barber — Kondaiappan

Beggar — Pichai

Bartender — Madhusudhan

Alcoholic — Kallapiraan

Exhibitionist — Ambalavaanan

Fiction writer — Naavalan

Makeup Man — Singaram

Milk Man — Paul Raj    (Paul to be pronounced the Tamil way!)

Dairy Farmer — Pasupathi

Dog Groomer — Naayagan

Snake Charmer — Nagamurthi

Mountain Climber — Yezhumalai

Javelin Thrower — Velayudam

Polevaulter — Thaandavarayan

Weight Lifter — Balaraman

Karate Expert — Kailaasam

Kick Boxer — Ethiraj

Batsman — Dhandiappan

Bowler — Balaji

Spin Bowler — Thirupathi

Female Spin Bowler — Thirupura Sundari

Driver — Sarathy

Devoted and Sincere Driver — Parthasarathy  

source:::: input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Joke for The Day…”Does the Camping Ground has its own B.C …”?

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A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn’t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself

to write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom closet” but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

“Does the camping ground have it’s own B.C.” is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn’t a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn’t figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember this is a very friendly community  ….

source:::: joke a day.com

natarajan

Just For Laugh … ” Do you Understand What a team is … “

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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head.”
Do you understand all that?”
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb  and idiot , is it?”
Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.“
source::::baba mail.com
natarajan

Jokes For the Day…” What comes after Ten ?… “

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

………………………….

Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, “it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”

……………………….

 

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

………………………….

 

A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
“Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10”
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?”
“A jack”

source:::::joke a day.com

natarajan

 

Jokes for the Weekend….

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Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.
The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the gentleman answered, “Why yes, I couldn’t help but notice you have no ears.” Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” and she replied: “Well, you have no ears.” Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: “Do you notice anything different about me?” And to his surprise, the young man answered: “Yes. You wear contact lenses.”
Merv was shocked, and said, “What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?”
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!”
 
……………………… 
 
 
 
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates. 

They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and 

family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say 

about you? 

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was the

greates doctor of my time, and a great family man.” 

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful 

husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our 

children of tomorrow.” 

The last guy replies, 

“I would like to hear them say… LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!!!”

source:::::joke a day .com

natarajan

Jokes for the Day….

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This guy goes into a doctor’s office. The doctor says, “Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?” The guy shrugs and says, “Well I guess I’ll have the bad news first.” “Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live,” the doctor replies. The man is distraught, “24 hours to live? That’s horrible! What could be worse than that? What’s the VERY bad news?” The doctor folds his hands and sighs, “The very bad news is…I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”  

………………

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, “Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Mary replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”…

…………………..
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, “Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothing’, so what are you going to do?”
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43.”
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, “This is gross!” he yells.
“I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith,” says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, “Doc,” he starts, “I can’t remember!”
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43…”
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
source:::::joke a day.com
natarajan

Jokes for the Day…”Tale of Two cities& Twins …”!!!

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Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, ” my wife was reading a “tale of two cities” and she gave birth to twins”
“That’s funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets”
The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, ” When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves”!!!

…………………………..

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up

………………………………

 

A man looks out the window into his back yard and sees his dog shaking and tossing something into the air. He rushed out to find that it was the neighbors’ rabbit, Mr. Bun Bun, and he was very dead. Mr. Bun Bun was also filthy with dog drool and mud, but thankfully there was no blood: his back must have broken at the first shake.
The man decided that he could not possibly explain to his neighbors how his dog had gotten into their yard and broke into the rabbit cage and killed Mr. Bun Bun while they were away.
He bathed Mr. Bun Bun until completely clean and dry, placed him back in his cage, re-latched the door and hoped they would believe that their rabbit had passed away peacefully.
Several days later, the man notices his neighbor mowing his lawn, so he walks over and asks how things were going.
“Well” the neighbor says, “not so well. We lost Mr. Bun Bun last week, and we are all still very upset about it all.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yes, we found him one day when we got home, and he must have died in his sleep because he looked so peaceful.”
(Whew!) “Well, that does not sound too bad.”
“Oh no, and we were not surprised: I mean he was very old, and had really started to show his age the last few months.”
“I guess I am a bit confused then, as to why your family is still upset.”
“Well, we buried the little guy out by the back fence and thought we were all done with it, but you are not going to believe this: Someone dug him up, cleaned him up and put his body back into his cage as some form of mean and nasty practical joke.”

source::::joke a day.com

natarajan