” Walk on The Lake Water on 18 th Birthday ” !!!

An Irish Story !!!!

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.

“Grandma,” he asked, “This me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?”

Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s troubled blue eyes and said, “Because your father, your grandfather and your great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you  were born in August,  You idiot !!!!”

 

source:::::: unknown…. input from a friend of mine

natarajan

” Now You Can Have The Duck ” !!!!

 

‘Scottish Three Kick Rule” !!!
A Glasgow lawyer went duck hunting in rural Aberdeenshire . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Scotland and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Mintlaw. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.’

The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”

The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old guy.  Now it’s my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck.”

If you are educated, you’ll believe only half of what you hear. 
If you’re intelligent, you know which half…  
source:::: unknown…. input from a friend of mine …
natarajan
                  

“LIC பில்டிங்கில் எத்தனை மாடிகள் ? “

1956 – நவம்பர் நுங்கம்பாக்கத்தில் பெரியவா முகாமிட்டிருந்தா. ஒரு நாள் ராத்திரி 10 மணிக்கு மவுண்ட் ரோடில் நடந்து சென்று கொண்டிருந்தார். 15 பேர் கூட சென்று 
கொண்டிருந்தோம். இந்து பத்திரிகை ஆபீஸ் விஜயம்.

LIC கட்டிடம் அருகே வந்த போது கண்ணன பெரியவாளிடம் இது தான் புதுசா வந்திருக்கிற LIC அடுக்குமாடி கட்டிடம் என்று பெரியவாளிடம் கூறினார். சற்று நின்ற பெரியாவா என்னிடம் இதுலே மொத்தம் எததனை மாடிகள் என்றார்.

நான் தவறாக சொல்லி விட கூடாதென்று “சரியாக தெரியாது ..” என்றேன். “எண்ணி பார்த்துவிட்டு வா ..” என்று கூறி விறு விறு என்று நடக்க ஆரம்பித்தார். 

நான் இரண்டு மூன்று முறை எண்ணி’பார்த்தேன். பாதி எண்ணும் போதே கணக்கு விட்டு போய் மீண்டும் எண்ணும் படி ஆயிற்று . ஒருமுறை 12ம் மறுமுறை 13ம் வந்தது. அதற்குள் பெரியவா வெலிங்டன் டாக்கிஸ வரை சென்று விட்டிரு நதார். நான் ஓடி சென்று மூச்சிறைக்க நின்றேன். “எண்ணிட்டையா ? எத்தனை ? ” என்று பெரியவா கேட்டா. கீழிருந்து 13. டேரசை சேர்த்தா 14. ஆனா மாடிகள் 12 தான் வரது என்றேன். பெரியவா சிரித்து கொண்டார்.

“12 மாடிகளா ? இந்த வாரம் ஆனந்த விகடன் மேல் அட்டைலே வந்திருக்கிற பில்டிங் லே 18 மாடிகள் போட்டிருக்கே. நீ பார்த்தாயோ …? :” என்று கேட்டார். எனக்கு தூக்கி வாரி போட்டது. “நான் எண்ணி பார்க்கலே..” என்றேன். :”அப்புறம் போய் பாரு …” என்று நடந்தபடி கூறினார். கண்ணன் என்னை பார்த்து சிரித்தார் .

நான் சற்று பின் தங்கினேன். அந்த அதிர்ச்சியில் இருந்து மீளுவது அத்தனை எளிதாக இருக்கவில்லை. ஒரு பத்திரிக்கையைப் புரட்டுவதிலும் அதில் வரும் செய்திகளைப் படிப்பதிலும், படங்களை பார்ப்பதிலும் சாதாரண வாசகருக்கும் பெரியவளுக்கும் எத்தனை வேற்றுமை இருக்கிறது என்று எண்ணி வியந்தேன். 

மேலட்டையில் பிரசுரமாயிருந்த அந்த நகைச்சுவையைப் படித்தவர்கள் சிரிப்பு வந்திருந்தால் சிரித்து விட்டுப்பத்திரிகையை புரட்டியிருப்பார்கள். சிரிப்பு வராதவர்கள் சிரிக்காமலேயே புரட்டியிருப்பார்கள். 

எத்தனை பேர் ” அந்த கட்டிடத்தில் எத்தனை மாடிகள் வரைய பட்டிருக்கின்றன” என்று பொறுமையாக எண்ணி பார்த்திருக்க போகிறார்கள்.. ? பிறரை சொல்வானேன்? நானே பார்க்கவில்லை. (அந்த ஜோக் என்னுடையது. படம் கோபுலு வரைநதது ).

எதையும் ஆராயந்து நோக்கும் பெரியவாளின் அபூர்வ சக்தி அதிசயிக்கக்தக்கது என்றால் அவரது நகைச்சுவை யுணர்வு மிகவும் ரசிக்கதக்கதாக இருக்கும்.

(From the experiences of Sri Baraneedharan, acclaimed tamil author)
source::::www.periva.proboards.com

natarajan
Read more: http://periva.proboards.com/thread/4707/lic/#ixzz2Yf3g3AUm

Just For Laugh !!!… ” Stay Cool Malcolm ” !!!

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It is obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, Malcolm, we won’t be long . . .. Easy, ..”

Another outburst and she hears the Granddad calmly say, “It is okay, Malcolm, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “Malcolm, Malcolm, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Malcolm.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman, “It is none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Malcolm is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” exclaims the grandfather, “but I am Malcolm … The little devil’s name is Derek.” !!!!!

 

source::::unknown …input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Laughter The Best Medicine …What is The Height of Craziness !!!

1. What is height of Fashion?

Ans : Dhoti with a zip .

2. What is height of Secrecy?

Ans : Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of Active laziness?

Ans : Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

4. What is height of Craziness?

Ans : Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?

Ans : Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.

6. What is height of Stupidity?

Ans : A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

7. What is height of Honesty?

Ans : A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

8. What is height of Suicide?

Ans : A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

9. What is height of De-hydration?

Ans : A cow giving milk powder.

10. What is Height of Kanjoosi?

Ans : Miser’s house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade
.

source:::::input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Laughter The Best Medicine !!!…” I Would Have Been Out Today ” !!!!

.

It is the middle of the night and Angela wakes up to find that her husband is out of bed. She dresses in her robe and goes downstairs to find him sitting in front of a turned off tv, holding a cup of coffee and looking into the distance, lost in some sad thought.

“What’s the matter, honey?” she asks. “Why the heck are you down here at this hour?”

Her husband looks up at her. “Do you remember when we started dating, whenyou were just 17?”

“Sure.” She answers, puzzled.

Her husband groaned in sadness. “And do you remember when your father the sheriff caught us fooling around?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And do you remember how he shoved his shotgun in my face and said: ‘You either marry her or I’ll put you in jail for 20 years?”

“Yea I do, why are you so nostalgic all of a sudden?!?” she demanded to know.

The husband wiped a tear from his cheek and said: “It’s just… I would have been out today.”!!!!!!!!!!!

source:::::babamailnet

natarajan

Evergreen Quotes and Fine Five Facts !!!!

Quotable Quotes ….
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
— John Adams
2. If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are misinformed.
— Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But then I repeat myself.
— Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. –Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on
the support of Paul.
— George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man,
which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
— G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
–James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor
people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
— Douglas Case, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University .
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey
and car keys to teenage boys.
— P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody
endeavours to live at the expense of everybody else.
— Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)
11. Government’s view of the economy could be summed up
in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
–Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the
facts. — Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you
see what it costs when it’s free!
— P. J. O’Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much
money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to
the other.
–Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean
politics won’t take an interest in you!
— Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the
legislature is in session.
— Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it.
— Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy
appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
— Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the
blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing
of misery.
— Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that
the taxidermist leaves the skin.
— Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is
to fill the world with fools.
— Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save
Congress.
— Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians
–Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is
strong enough to take everything you have.
— Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
office.
— Aesop
Fine  Five  Facts !!!!
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the
wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the
government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to
work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and
when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work
because somebody else is going to get what they work for,
that is the beginning of the end of any nation!

source:::::input from a friend of mine

natarajan