” Jesus is Watching You …” !!!…. Good one For A Very Good Laugh !!!

Jesus and the burglar !!!

Jesus Knows You’re Here!!!

A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin,

clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and
continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,

looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’ he hissed
at the parrot.

‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked,
‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you ?’

‘Moses,’ replied the bird.

‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed.
‘What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?’

‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler    …. Jesus !!!!!

 

source::: unknown….input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Noah Today !!!… He is Helpless !!!…

 

 

 

NOAH TODAY  !!!!!!!!

In the year 2014, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Somerset and said:
“Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.” He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark. “Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?” “Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”

“I needed a Building Permit.”

“I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My neighbours claim that I’ve violated the
Neighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision.”
“Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark ‘s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”

“Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work.”

“The Trades Unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.”

“To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. ”

“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
“You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord.
” The Government beat me to it.”

source::::unknown… input from a friend of mine

natarajan

The True Origin Of Samsung’s Logo [Humor] !!!

iphoneorigins

 

Apple and Samsung are headed back to court today for round two of their billion dollar patent lawsuit that will see the two companies pointing fingers and slamming down arguments on who copied whose patents.

We’ve seen enough evidence to have our own opinion on Samsung’s copying ways and now thanks to this Thai cartoon it all becomes perfectly clear why Samsung just can’t help itself.

source:::: Cult of Mac  site

natarajan

 

 

 

 

Jokes For the Weekend… ” Go…Get Your Mother …” !!!

 


An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father [never having seen an elevator] responded “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Go get your mother.”
………………………
An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in serious financial trouble. She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays…”God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.

Once again, she prays…”My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Babbette is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”
………………….
An Antartian died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer three questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God’s first name?

The Antartian thought for a few minutes and answered…

1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.”

Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year, and why did you ever think that God’s first name was either Andy or Howard?”

The Antartian replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”
“OK, I give,” said Saint Peter, “but what about the God’s first name stuff?”
The Antartian said, “Well, from the song….Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own…, and the prayer…Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name….”
Saint Peter let him in without another word.

…………………….
source::::joke a day.com
natarajan”

Joke of the Day…” who is more powerful ” !!!

Yesterday myself and my wife had an appointment with our Doctor for annual Eye checkup.

After the routine checkup , i asked the Doctor ” who is more Powerful …Me or My wife ? !!!…”

” Your wife”s Power is increased this year too… so undoubtedly She continues to be more Powerful than You !!!” ….pat came the reply From My Doctor !!!

source:::: True Practical joke we enjoyed yesterday….

natarajan

Jokes For the Day !!!…” Show Him Your Card … ” !!!

 
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to start farming. He goes to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me 100 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, “Give me 200 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me 500 baby chickens.” “Wow!” the co-op man replies. “You must really be doing well. “Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”   

………………..

 
A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, “I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.”

The old farmer said, “OK, but don’t go in that field.” The Highways employee said, “I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land.”

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer’s prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!

The old farmer called out, “Show him your card!!

…………………..

 

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
……………………

source::::joke a day.com

natarajan

Jokes For the Day…” Wedding was Terrible But Reception Was Excellent ” … !!!

 

Explanation of Microsoft computer messages

It says: “Press Any Key”
It means: “Press any key you like but I’m not moving.”

It says: “Press A Key”
(This one’s a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the “A” key.)

It says: “Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E” It means: “… where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it’s a hardware problem.”

It says: “Installing program to C:\….”
It means: “… And I’ll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you’ll NEVER find them.”

It says: “Please insert disk 11”
It means: “Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks.”

It says: “Not enough memory”
It means: “I don’t CARE if you’ve got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K.”

It says: “Cannot read from drive D:….”
It means: “… However, if you put the CD in correct side up…”

It says: “Please Wait….”
It means: “… Indefinitely.”

It says: “Directory does not exist….”
It means: “…. any more. Whoops.”

It says: “The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.”
It means: “…. Makes no difference to me, you’re still not getting your work back.”

………………….
Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married?

The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent! 

…………………
source::::joke a day.com
natarajan

Read more:http://www.ajokeaday.com/clasificacion.asp?ID=55&Pagina=2#ixzz2xeTBi8LA

ஏப்ரல் ஒன்று -முட்டாள் தினம் வந்தது எப்படி!!!…

 

ஈரானில் இருந்து ஈராக்கிற்கு  ஒருவர் வழி தவறி போய்விட்டார். ஈராக்கின் எல்லை காவல் படை அவரை கைது செய்தது. பின்  கோர்ட்டில் கொண்டு போய் நிறுத்தினார்கள்.

அவர் மீது சுமத்தப்பட்ட குற்றசாட்டு என்ன தெரியுமா?

நீ உளவாளி.

கைது செய்யப்பட்டவர் விளக்கம் சொல்ல முற்பட்டார்.

நீ எந்த விளக்கமும் சொல்ல வேண்டியதில்லை. நீ குற்றவாளி  உன் குற்றத்தை  ஒத்து   கொள்.  உனக்கு தூக்கு தண்டனை தான்.  நீ பெரிய குற்றத்தை செய்ய துணிந்ததால்,  உன்னை துண்டு துண்டாக வெட்டி தான் தண்டனை கொடுப்பார்கள்.

அதுவும் ஒரே நாளில் நடக்காது.  வாரம் ஒரு பாகமாக வெட்டுவார்கள். இதுதான் அவருக்கு அளிக்க பட்ட தண்டனை.

அவருக்கு தண்டனை அளிக்கும்  நாள் வந்தது. தண்டனையை நிறைவேற்றும் முன்,  அந்த அதிகாரி கேட்டார்.  இப்போது உன் ஒரு காலை மட்டும் வெட்ட போகிறோம்.

உன் கடைசி ஆசை என்ன என்பதை சொல்.

வெட்டப்படும் என் காலை என் சொந்த ஊரில் புதைக்க வேண்டும்.  அதற்கு ஆவன செய்ய வேண்டும்.

சரி …. என்றார் அந்த அதிகாரி.

கால் வெட்டப்பட்டது.  அவர் விருப்பப்படியே அவரின் சொந்த ஊருக்கு அனுப்பி வைக்க பட்டது.   பின் அடுத்த வாரம்.  அவரின் ஒரு கை வெட்டப்பட்டது.

மீண்டும் அந்த அதிகாரி கேட்டார்.  உன் விருப்பம் என்ன?

முன் சொன்ன பதிலையே சொன்னார். அவர் விருப்பம் நிறைவேற்றப்பட்டது.  இப்படியே அவரின் உடல் பாகங்கள் ஒவ்வொன்றாய் வெட்டப்பட்ட பிறகு கடைசியில் அவர் தலை வெட்ட  பட வேண்டும்.

இப்போதும் அந்த அதிகாரி கேட்டார்.  உன் கடைசி ஆசை என்ன?

என் உடல் என் நாட்டில் புதைக்க பட வேண்டும்.  இதுதான் என் கடைசி ஆசை.

இப்பதானே உன் திட்டம் தெரியுது.  நீ பார்ட் பார்ட்டா தப்பிச்சு போயிடாலாம்ன்னு  நினைக்கிறியா உன் நாட்டிற்கு.  அதுதான் நடக்காது என்றாராம் அந்த அதிகாரி.

இது எப்படி இருக்கு.  இப்படி முட்டாள் தனமாக யோசிப்பவர்களுக்கு என்றே இருக்கும்  நாள் தான், ஏப்ரல் 1 .

இந்த நாளில் நீங்களும் யாரையாவது முட்டாளாக்க முயற்சி செய்திருப்பிர்கள்.  உங்கள் வலையில் யாரவது சிக்கி இருக்கலாம்.  ஹையா … ஏப்பரல் பூல் என்று நீங்கள் சிரித்திருக்கலாம்.

சரி… அந்த நாளின் வரலாறு தெரியுமா?  தெரிந்தால் சந்தோசம்.  தெரியலையா இப்போ தெரிஞ்ச்சுகோங்க.

முட்டாள் தினம் என்றில்லை.  வருஷம் முழுவதும் இப்படி எதாவது ஒரு நாள் வந்து கொண்டு தான் இருக்கிறது.   இதில் பெரிய விழேஷம் என்னன்னா … இந்த நாளுக்கு யாரும் உரிமை கொண்டாடுவது இல்லை.

சரி… காரணம் இல்லாமல் எந்த காரியமும் இல்லை.  அந்த வகையில் இந்த முட்டாள் தினம் வந்த காரணம் என்ன?  இதோ வரலாறு.

நான் எப்படி சித்திரை ஒன்றை புத்தாண்டாக கொண்டாடுகிறமோ (சித்திரையா  தை மாதமா ) அதை போல் ஏப்ரல் ஒன்றாம் தேதியை ரோமானியர்கள் புத்தாண்டாக கொண்டாடினார்கள்.

இந்த புத்தாண்டு கொண்டாட்டம் ஏப்ரல் 25 ம் தேதியே ஆரம்பம் ஆகிவிடும்.  அதன் நிறைவு நாள் ஏப்ரல் 1 .

காலம் காலமாக கடை பிடிக்க பட்ட இந்த நடை முறையை அப்போதைய போப்பாண்டவரான 13 வது கிரகரி 1562 ம் ஆண்டில் மாற்றி அமைத்தார்.

இந்த மாற்றத்தின் படி ஜனவரி ஒன்றாம் தேதிதான் புத்தாண்டு வருகிறது.  ithai நாடு முழுவதும் அறிவிக்கவும் செய்தார்.

ஆனால் காலம் காலமாக கடை பிடித்த நடைமுறையை மாற்றி புது நடை முறைக்கு மாற பலருக்கு மனம் இடம் தரவில்லை.  கிடக்கிறது எல்லாம் கிடக்கட்டும் கிழவனை  தூக்கி மனையில் வை என்ற கதையாக இது என்ன கூத்து என்று,  பலர் பழைய ஏப்ரல் ஒன்றையே புத்தாண்டாக கொண்டாடினார்கள் .

இப்படி மாற மறுத்தவர்களை, மாறியவர்கள் முட்டாள்கள் என்றார்கள்.  இது தான் முட்டாள் தினமாக வந்ததற்கு முதல் காரணம்.  இது இப்படியே ரெக்கை முளைத்து பல நாடுகளுக்கும் பரவி விட்டது.

april-fools-dayஓன்று வந்து விட்டால் அதன் பின்னால் ஆயிரம் கதைகள் பின்னாலையே வந்து விடுமே.  அந்த வகையில் முட்டாள் தினத்திற்கு என்று பல புனை கதைகள் இருக்கிறது.   அவற்றில் சில உங்கள் பார்வைக்கு.

இந்த நடைமுறை வருவதற்கு முன்பே பிலிப்பை  என்ற மன்னனை அவரது அரண்மனை விகடகவி பந்தயம் ஒன்றை வைத்து, அந்த பந்தயத்தில் மன்னனையே  முட்டாளாகினாறாம்.  அந்த நாள் ஏப்ரல் ஓன்று.

முதலாம் நெப்போலியன் ஆஸ்திரியாவை சேர்ந்த மேரிலுயிசை  திருமணம் செய்து கொண்டார்.  அப்போது அந்த பெண்ணின் தோழிகள் உன்னை அவர் உண்மையாக திருமணம் செய்து கொள்ளவில்லை. உன்னை முட்டாளாக்கவே திருமணம் செய்துள்ளார்  என்று என்றார்களாம்.

காரணம் திருமணம் நடந்த நாள் ஏப்ரல் ஓன்று.   இப்படி சரித்திரத்தின் பக்கங்களில் பல கதைகள் உலா  வருகிறது.

கட்டுரை: ஸ்ரீகிருஷ்ணன்

source::::dinamani.blogspot.com

natarajan

Joke Of the Day … !!!…One For April 1 !!!

 
An Accident Report   !!!

I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.

I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.

You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go off  the rope…

 

source:::: joke a day.com

natarajan