Just For Laugh !!!…” I always Hold Her Hands..otherwise She Shops “!!!

 A re-run of great ‘one liners’ from  A man who was known for his clean humour. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.


1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ….

3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then themudfell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late
for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her
first name was ‘Always’.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.

 source::::input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Laughter The Best Medicine….” Give me Back My Dog “!!!

A gwala (cattle herder) named Budhi Ram was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Himachal when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced towards him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Budhi Ram looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his macBook Air computer, connects it to his iphone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in iPhoto and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized LaserJet printer, turns to Budhi Ramy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Budhi- Ram.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Budhi Ram says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly who you are & what is your business , will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Business  and Investment Consultant  says Budhi- Ram.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie idiot, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered Budhi Ram. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my  Dog !!!!

source:::: input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Just For Laugh !!!….Today is a Fine Day !!!

Husband to Wife: Today is a Fine Day!.

Next day he says: Today is a Fine Day!.

Again next day, he says same thing:
Today is a Fine Day!.

Finally after a week, the Wife can’t
take it and asks her Husband:
Past one week, you are saying this
‘Today is a Fine Day’. I am Fed up.
What’s the Matter?

Husband: Last week when we had an
argument, you said, ‘I will Leave you
one Fine Day.’ I was just trying to
remind you.!!!!!

 

source :::::unknown….input from a friend of mine…

natarajan

வெறும் வாயை மென்றவர்களுக்கு கிடைத்த அவல் … ” பைலின் ” புயல் !!!

பரபரப்பை மட்டுமே தீனியாக எண்ணி உலா வரும் டிவி செய்தி சேனல்கள் மகிழும் வண்ணம் கிலோ கணக்கில் அவல் மூட்டைகளை அவர்களின் வெறும் வாய்கள் மெல்வதற்கு அள்ளி வீசியிருக்கிறது இயற்கை. அதாவது ‘பைலின்’ புயல். இரண்டு நாட்களாக, அனைத்து செய்தி சேனல்களும், குறிப்பாக ஆங்கிலச் செய்திச் சேனல்களும் ‘பைலின்’பால் கொண்ட பற்று அப்பப்பா..!

இயற்கை சீற்றத்தால் இன்னலுற்றுத் தவிக்கும் ஏராளமான மக்களுக்கு இவர்கள் எந்த வித உதவியும் செய்யவில்லை. மாறாக இவர்கள், ‘செய்தி சேகரிப்பு’ என்ற பெயரில் நடத்தும் அராஜகத்தை பாருங்கள்… ஒரு சேனலில் மெத்தப் படித்த மேதாவி போல் காட்சி தரும் ஒரு செய்தியாளர், மாவட்ட கலெக்டரை பேட்டி எடுக்கிறார். எப்போது? இன்னும் சில மணி நேரங்களில் புயல் தாக்கும் என்ற நிலையில் ஊர் ஊராக சென்று உஷார் செய்ய வேண்டிய அவசரத்தில் கலெக்டர் இருக்கையில். செய்தியாளரின் கேள்விகள் மெய் சிலிர்க்க வைக்கும்.

“இதற்கு முன் புயல் சூழலில் பணியாற்றிய அனுபவம் உண்டா?” என்கிறார். சினிமா பேட்டி எடுக்கும் அனுபவம் பெற்றவர் போலும் அந்த செய்தியாளர். கலெக்டரும் சற்றும் குறைந்தவரல்ல.. ஒரே நாளில் நாடு முழுவதும் தான் தெரிகிறோம் என்று நினைத்திருப்பார் போலும்.. ஒவ்வொரு கேள்விக்கும் பொறுமையாக பதில் சொன்னார். அல்லது, பதில் சொல்லவில்லையென்றால் ‘மக்களைப் பற்றிய பொறுப்பற்ற கலெக்டர்’ என்று திரி கொளுத்திப் போட்டு விடும் இந்தச் செய்தி சேனல்கள் என்று பயந்து விட்டாரோ?

இதன் உச்சக்கட்டமாக ஒரு அபத்தம் நிகழ்ந்தது. அந்த கலெக்டர் தான் எப்படியெல்லாம் ஊர் மக்களிடம் புயல் பற்றி விளக்கி அவர்களை பாதுகாப்பான இடங்களுக்கு வெளியேற்றம் செய்து வருகிறேன் என்று சொல்ல, பழம் நழுவி பாலில் (பைலின்?) விழுந்தது போல கிடைத்த வாய்ப்பை பயன்படுத்திக் கொண்டார் சேனல் நிருபர். சற்று தள்ளியிருந்த வீட்டின் முன் இருந்தோரைக் காட்டி, “நீங்கள் அவர்களிடம் விளக்கி வெளியேற்றுங்களேன் நாங்கள் காட்ட வசதியாக இருக்கும் என்று போட்டாரே ஒரு போடு. கலெக்டரும் முகமெல்லாம் பெருமிதம் பொங்க சேனல்காரர்கள் சொன்னதை செவ்வனே செய்தார்.

“எவ்வளவு வேலை இருக்கிறது இப்படி பொறுப்பில்லாமல் என் நேரத்தை விரயம் செய்கிறீர்களே” என்று கலெக்டர் சேனல்களிடம் பாய்வார் என்று நாம் எதிர்பார்த்தால்.. நாம் பழம் பஞ்சாங்கம் ஆகி விடுவோம். இதெல்லாம் ‘பரபரப்பு கவரேஜ்.. அவரவருக்கு மைலேஜ்’ காலம்! பாவம்.. இன்னும் அவர் போக வேண்டிய கிராமங்களில் இருக்கும் மக்களெல்லாம் இந்த ‘டிவி பணி’ முடிந்து தங்கள் ஊருக்கு கலெக்டர் வரும் வரை காத்திருக்க வேண்டும். புயல் காத்திருக்குமா என்ன?

இது போதாதென்று, எங்கு செல்வது என்ன செய்வது என்று திகைப்பில் இருந்த சாதாரண மக்களிடம் “புயல் பற்றி தங்கள் கருத்து என்ன?” என்றெல்லாம் கேட்டு செய்தி ஒளிபரப்பில் புதிய பரிமாணத்தையும் அறிவீனத்தின் புதிய கோட்பாட்டையும் ஒருங்கே செய்து புரட்சி படைத்தன செய்திச் சேனல்கள். எந்த சேனலைத் திருப்பினாலும் இதே கதை தான்.

இந்த லட்சணத்தில், ஒரு சேனல் ‘முப்பது பேர் கொண்ட குழு அமைத்திருக்கும் முதல் சேனல்’ என்று பெருமையுடன் விளம்பரம் வேறு செய்தது. நிவாரணப் பணியில் ஈடுபடுவதற்கோ என்று நாம் நினைத்து விடக் கூடாது. பறந்து பறந்து புயலைக் காட்டவும், அவசர வேலைகள் செய்வோரையும் தடுத்து நிறுத்தி தங்களுக்கு வேண்டியதை ‘கறப்பதற்கும்’ தான்!

“உபகாரம் செய்யாவிட்டாலும் உபத்திரவம் செய்யாமல் இரு” என்பார்கள் முன்னோர்கள். இதை யார் இவர்களின் படுபயங்கர மூளைக்கு புரிய வைப்பது?

விட்டால் ‘பைலின்’ புயலை உங்களுக்கு வழங்கியோர் என்று ஸ்பான்ஸர்கள் பேர்களைச் சொன்னால்கூட ஆச்சரியப்படுவதற்கில்லை.

கட்டுரையாளரின் வலைப்பதிவுத் தளம்: http://kali-kaalam.blogspot.in

source:::::The Hindu….Tamil

natarajan

Berners Street Hoax !!! A Great Practical Joke in 19th Century !!!

one of the great practical jokes of the 19th century, …..the Berners Street Hoax.!!!!!

The year was 1809. Famed English author, Theodore Hook, made a bet with one of his close friends, the noted architect and writer, Samuel Beazley, that within one week, he could make any house in London the most talked about place in the city. The house he ended up choosing was the home of the widow Mrs. Tottenham on 54 Berners Street, London, which was the same street that Earl Stanhope and the Bishop of Carlisle and of Chester, among other wealthy and well-to-do individuals, lived on at that time.

The event began on November 27. Hook and Beazley positioned themselves in the home across the street, which they had recently rented, and around 5:00 am, the fun began. First, a chimney sweep arrived. The problem was that Mrs. Tottenham hadn’t requested the services of a sweep. Within a few minutes, 12 more sweeps arrived; they too were also turned away. Next, coal delivery workers began showing up with several large carts packed with coal to be delivered to Mrs. Tottenham; they were turned away. Next, a cart load of furniture arrived; then workers showed up bearing a coffin for Mrs. Tottenham.

Next came several cake makers attempting to deliver custom made, very large, weddings cakes; then around fifty other chefs arrived attempting to deliver a total of around 2,500 raspberry tarts; then several doctors, lawyers, gardeners, fishmongers, dentists, grocers, priests, couch makers, carpet-manufacturers, wig-makers, coach-makers, curiosity dealers, opticians, brewers, and shoemakers, among others. They all came offering their services or bringing very large orders of their wares that were to be delivered to that address on that day at various times throughout the day.

At one point, over one dozen pianos were delivered to her door step. After that, six men carrying a huge chamber organ showed up. Eventually the dignitaries arrived, including: the Governor of the Bank of England; the Duke of York; the Archbishop of Canterbury; the Mayor of the London; the Lord Chief Justice; several cabinet ministers; and the Chairman of the East India Company.

Throughout the entire day, various parties and delivery people crowded the area outside of 54 Berners Street. By mid-day, the streets in that area of London became so crowded that the roads were jammed for several blocks in every direction with delivery people and on-lookers.

All the while, Hook and Beazley sat and watched the chaos from across the street. Hook’s part in the madness, that did indeed become the talk of London, was not known until much later when he eventually confessed it. He did it all by sending around 4,000 letters out to various entities in London, ordering various items from the simple to outlandish. He also wrote several notable individuals like the Mayor of London and the like, creating tales sufficient to get those people to come and call on Mrs. Tottenham on that day.

What was written in most of the letters to convince these people to come isn’t known. One of the few that is known is the letter to the Mayor of London. Once he realized that everyone there was the victim of an elaborate practical joke, he went to the police station. At the police station, the Mayor stated that he had received a letter supposedly from Mrs. Tottenham explaining that she was at death’s door and she requested that the Mayor call upon her home to bear witness to a deposition she would give under oath.

The Mayor then sent officers out to attempt to instill some order in the chaos in the streets, including attempting to calm the crowds who were reportedly on the brink of rioting with the streets jammed with angry travelers and hundreds of merchants who were infuriated that Mrs. Tottenham would not pay for the often massive orders of their wares they had come to deliver, some of which were completely destroyed by the crowds with several wagons overturned and other damage to various product the merchants had attempted to deliver. Along with the damaged goods, several fights broke out throughout the day within the pressing masses.

Once the crowds dissipated late in the evening, Hook and Beazley emerged from the house across the street and went home. For successfully making the home the talk of London within a week of the bet, Hook reportedly received a guinea from Beazley.

Bonus Facts:

Another letter from Hook that the contents are somewhat known was to the Governor of the Bank of England. He had received a letter supposedly from Mrs. Tottenham explaining that she wished to give a sizable endowment to the Bank and requested that the Governor call on her so that she could work out the details with him.
The home of Mrs. Tottenham at 54 Berners Street was eventually demolished, being replaced by the Five Star Sanderson Hotel, which spans that lot, along with several adjacent lots.
It isn’t known why Hook chose Mrs. Tottenham’s home as no connection between the two is known and Hook himself never explained his selection. It’s entirely possible that it just happened to be a location where the home across the street could be rented and was also in a fairly well-to-do part of town which would help make the letters more credible.
Samuel Beazley was not only a famous architect, but also a novelist and playwright, having written well over a hundred plays and other works. He was, however, particularly known for his architecture and specifically for his theater designs, being one of the first English experts in theater architecture.
One of the many stories Beazley related in some of his writings was an event during the Peninsular War, in Spain, where he was supposedly at one point unconscious and thought to be dead. He ended up waking up shortly before burial, narrowly avoiding being buried alive.
Theodore Hook was a famed English author who was particularly known for his outlandish practical jokes, chief of which was the Berners Street Hoax. While Hook was never charged for the events he instigated in the Berners Street Hoax, he did have other legal troubles. Foremost of which was when he was made the Accountant General and Treasurer of Mauritius, now known as the Republic of Mauritius, despite having no knowledge of or experience with accounting or book keeping or most other skills required of the job. He managed to last five years at that position before it was discovered that there were large discrepancies in the accounts. He was arrested and held responsible for around £12,000 that was lost, supposedly largely having been taken by a deputy official.

source:::::todayifoundout.com

natarajan

Read more at http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/10/one-of-the-great-practical-jokes-of-the-19th-century-the-berners-street-hoax/#kfEpzVsqVpAfqm9z.99