| A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of it, then tossed the remainder in the bartender’s face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. “I’m really sorry. I keep doing this to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. “I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said. “My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they come.” The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he’d done a good deed for a fellow human being. Six months later, the man was back. “Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine. “I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.” He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face. The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he spluttered. “On the contrary,” the man said,” he’s done me a world of good.” “But you just threw the wine in my face again!” the bartender exclaimed. “Yes,” the man said. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore!” Source…..www.ba-ba mail.com Natarajan |
humour
Joke for the Day… A Family on social media…!!!
Source……..input from a friend of mine
Natarajan
Joke of the Day……” It is Cuckoo….” !!!
It was a typical night of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire…
Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”
Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”
Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?
Is it…
A – Robin
B – Sparrow
C – Cuckoo
D – Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.”
“I think I know who it..but I’m not 100%… No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.”
Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?”
Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…”
Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to get to a Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”
Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush”
Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”
Barbara: “You think?”
Maggie: “I’m sure.”
Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)
Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”
Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”
Regis: “Is that your final answer?”
Barbara: “It is.”
Regis: “Are you confident?”
Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”
Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara!”
The audience goes wild)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock!”
Source………www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan
Joke of the day….” I quit “….!!!
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the abbot (the head monk). The abbot said, “You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.” The man agreed.
After the first 3 years, the abbot came to him and said, “What are your two words?”
“Food cold!” the man replied. The abbot made sure the meals are not cold.
Three more years went by and the abbot came to him and said, “What are your two words?”.
“Robe dirty!” the man exclaimed. The abbot ordered his robe be washed.
Three more years went by and the abbot came to him and said, “What are your two words?”
– “Bed hard!“. The abbot made sure the mattress got re-stuffed.
Three more years went by and the abbot came to him and said, “What are your two words?”
– “I quit!” said the man.
“Well,” the abbot replied, “I’m not surprised, you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here!”
Source…….www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan
Joke of the Day……” The Three Kick rule …” !!!
| A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa.
Eventually he shot down a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over it, the elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.” The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.” The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.'” The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?” The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurred on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiled and said, “You know what? Take the duck.” Source…….www.ba-bamail.com Natarajan |
படித்து ரசித்தது ….பூவிலே சிறந்த பூ ‘ சிரிப்பூ ‘ …!
இலக்கியச் சுவைகளுள் மோனையைப் போல் முதலில் நிற்பது நகைச்சுவை. “அது மனித குலத்திற்கு வாய்த்த வரம், அந்தரங்கத்தைப் புலப்படுத்தும் ஒளிச்சரம்” என்பார் தெலுங்குக் கவிஞர் சி.நாராயண ரெட்டி.“பற்கள் என்ற முட்களே பூக்கும் மலர் புன்னகை” என்று கவிக்கோ அப்துல் ரகுமானும், “பவளக் கொடியில் முத்துக்கள் பூத்தால் புன்னகை என்று பேராகும்” எனக் காவியக் கவிஞர் வாலியும் புன்னகையைச் சொல்லோவியமாக வடிப்பர். “ஒவ்வொரு முறை சிரிக்கும் போதும் இதயம் ஒட்டடையடிக்கப்படுகிறது” எனச் சிரிப்புக்குப் புகழாரம் சூட்டுவார் கவிப்பேரரசு வைரமுத்து.
“என்னைப் பொறுத்த வரை பிரார்த்தனை எவ்வளவு புனிதமானதோ அதே போல் சிரிப்பும் புனிதமானதாகும்” எனச் சிரிப்பின் சிறப்பினைப் பறைசாற்றுவார் ஓஷோ.
“பொதுவாகவே, அறிவைத் துலக்க, ஆன்மாவை உயர்ந்த நிலையில் வைத்துக் கொள்ள, உடம்பில் வியாதிகள் வராமல் தடுத்துக் கொள்ள நகைத்தல் நல்லது” என மூதறிஞர் வெ.சாமிநாத சர்மா கூறியிருக்கிறார். நகைச்சுவையின் தனிச்சிறப்பு ஒரு கருத்தை நகைச்சுவையோடு சொல்லும் போது அந்தக் கருத்து கேட்பவர்கள் மனதில் ஆழமாகப் பதிந்துவிடும். நகைச்சுவைக்கு உள்ள தனிச்சிறப்பு அது.
நேர்காணல் ஒன்றில் இக்கருத்தினை விளக்க எழுத்தாளர் சாவி காட்டிய உதாரணம்
சாப்பிட வந்தவர் ஓட்டல் சர்வரிடம் கேட்கிறார். ‘இதோ பார்! நீ கொண்டு வந்து வைத்த கோழி பிரியாணியில் ஒரு ஈ செத்துக் கிடக்குது!”இவ்வளவு பெரிய கோழி செத்துக் கிடக்குதே, அது உங்க கண்ணில் படலே. சின்ன ஈ செத்துக் கிடப்பது மட்டும் பெரிசாத் தெரியுதாக்கும்!’ என்றார் சர்வர். ‘எப்போதோ படித்த இந்த நகைச்சுவையைத் துணுக்கை நினைத்துச் சிரிக்கும் போதெல்லாம் கூடவே அதில் பொதிந்துள்ள கருத்தும் என்னைச் சிந்திக்க வைக்கும்’ என்றார் சாவி. ஒரு தடவை திருக்குறளார் வீ.முனிசாமியும் கலைவாணர் என்.எஸ்.கிருஷ்ணனும் காரில் போய்க் கொண்டிருந்தார்கள். திடீரென்று ஒரு ரயில்வே ‘கேட்’டருகே டிரைவர் காரை நிறுத்தினார்.
கலைவாணர், “என்னப்பா ஆச்சு?” என்று கேட்டார். “’கேட்டு’ சாத்தியிருக்கிறான் ஐயா!” என்று டிரைவர் சொன்னார். உடனே கலைவாணர் திருக்குறளாரைப் பார்த்து, “பொய் சொல்லுகிறான்,
பார்த்தீர்களா? ‘கேட்டு’ சாத்தினான் என்று சொல்லுகிறானே, நம்மைக் கேட்டா சாத்தினான்?” இயல்பான நகைச்சுவை என்பது இது தான்! சொல் விளையாட்டின் மூலம் கலைவாணர் இங்கே நயமான நகைச்சுவையை தந்தார்.
மூவகை நகைச்சுவைகள் நகைச்சுவையில் முறுவலித்தல், அளவே சிரித்தல், பெருகச் சிரித்தல் என மூன்று வகைகள் உண்டு. முதலாவது புன்முறுவல்; அதாவது, குமிண் சிரிப்பு. இடைப்பட்டது அளவான சிரிப்பு; மூன்றாவது வெடிச் சிரிப்பு. 1925-ல் பெர்னார்ட் ஷாவிற்கு இலக்கியத்திற்கான நோபல் பரிசு வழங்கப்பட்டது. அப்போதும் வழக்கமான நகைச்சுவை உணர்வோடு ஷா கூறினார்
“இந்த ஆண்டில் நான் நுால் ஒன்றும் எழுதவில்லை. உலகம் அதைக் கண்டு மகிழ்ந்து, எனக்கு நன்றி பாராட்டிச் செய்த செயல் இது.” படிப்பவர் இதழ்களில் குமிண் சிரிப்பைத்
தோற்றுவிக்கும் நகைச்சுவை இது. முன்னாள் சபாநாயகர் கா.காளிமுத்து சொற்பொழிவின் இடையே சொன்ன நகைச்சுவை“ஒருவன் ‘நான் என்ன பிராணி என்றே எனக்கு தெரியவில்லை’ என்று நண்பனிடம் கூறினான்.
‘ஏன்?’ என்று நண்பன் கேட்டான். அதற்கு அவன் சொன்ன பதில்… ‘பூனையைப் பார்த்து எலி பயப்படுகிறது; எலியைப் பார்த்து கரப்பான் பூச்சி பயப்படுகிறது; கரப்பான் பூச்சியைப் பார்த்து என் மனைவி பயப்படுகிறாள்; மனைவியைப் பார்த்து நான் பயப்படுகிறேன். நான் என்ன பிராணி என்றே தெரியவில்லை!’” கேட்பவர் இடையே அளவான சிரிப்பைத் தோற்றுவிக்கும் நகைச்சுவை இது. அறிஞர் அண்ணாதுரை பேசிய கூட்டத்தில் சில முரட்டு இளைஞர்கள் அவருக்கு முன் வந்து, “ஆணையிடுங்கள் அண்ணா, எங்கள் தலையையே உங்களுக்குத் தருகிறோம்” என்றார்கள். “தம்பிகளே! உங்கள் தலைகள் வேண்டாம்; இதயங்கள் தாருங்கள் போதும்!” என்றார் அண்ணாதுரை.
காரில் திரும்பி வரும் போது நண்பர்கள் கேட்டார்கள்: “இதயங்கள் தாருங்கள், தலைகள் வேண்டாம் என்று ஏன் சொன்னீர்கள்?” “ஆமாம், அவர்கள் தலைகளில் என்ன இருக்கிறது? அதை வைத்துக் கொண்டு என்ன செய்வது?” என்று அண்ணாதுரை சொன்னதும் நண்பர்கள் விழுந்து விழுந்து சிரித்தார்கள். வெடிச் சிரிப்பை எழுப்பும் அற்புதமான நகைச்சுவை இது! ‘வாய் விட்டுச் சிரித்தால் நோய் விட்டுப் போகும்’- சிரிப்போம், மகிழ்வுடன் வாழ்வோம்.
-பேராசிரியர் இரா.மோகன்
எழுத்தாளர், -பேச்சாளர்
மதுரை.
Source…….www.dinamalar.com
Joke of the Day….” Between you and me ….” !!!
A Mexican teen came up to the Mexican border riding his bicycle carrying two large bags on his shoulders. The officer stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” he answers.
The officer says, “We’ll just see about that.” He takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the teen overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases him, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the lad’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A day later, the same thing happens. The officer asks, “What have you got?”
“Sand,” says the youngster.
The officer does a thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to him, and the young man crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. One day, the teen doesn’t show. Days pass and the officer never sees him. A month later, a messenger comes and hands the officer an invitation for a house warming.
When he gets to the address, he sees it’s a large villa with a pool, and many guests celebrating. Inside he finds the teen, holding a glass of wine and entertaining his guests.
“Hey, Buddy,” says the officer , “It’s driving me crazy. How are you so rich when all you were carrying across the border was sand? Just between you and me, what were you smuggling?”
The youngster flashes a smile and says: “Bicycles.”
Source…….www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan
Joke for the Day…..” Thank God …” !!!
| A man named Jack strides into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.
“Listen here,” says John, the owner. “I’ve got just the horse you’re looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t stop and go the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘heyhey!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'” “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?” John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.
He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEYHEY!” The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet. Gasping, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune. He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air and breathes a deep sigh of relief. With conviction, he says: “Thank God!”
Source….www.ba-bamail.com Natarajan
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Joke of the Day….” Sure …if you like go ahead …” !!!
| Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man answers it, engaging the loudspeaker function as he does so. Everyone in the room stops to listen to the conversation. “Hey babe, I’m at the city center mall now and I found this gorgeous leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Can I buy it?” asks the woman at the other end. “Sure, if you like it then go ahead!” replies the man.
“I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. There’s one I LOVE and it’s $98,000,” the woman continues. “Okay, go ahead and buy it. Just make sure it comes with all the options for that price though,” the man says.
Pushing her luck even further, the woman asks: “Do you remember that house I wanted last year? Well, it’s back on the market for $980,000…” “Make an offer of $900,000 – they’ll probably accept it. Go to $950,000 if you think it’s a really good price for the house,” the man replies. “Okay honey, see you later! I love you so much – you’re so good to me,” the woman says. “You’re worth it. Goodbye dear,” replies the man, and hangs up the call. By this point, the men in the room are aghast, mouths wide open. The man says: “Hey guys, does anyone know whose phone this is?”
Source………www.ba-bamail.com Natarajan |
joke for the Day….” A witty Search for proper job….” !!!
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1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
BUT I got canned. I just couldn’t concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
BUT I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a tailor,
BUT I wasn’t suited for it – mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working at Starbucks,
BUT I had to quit because I got tired of the same old grind.
5. Then, I tried being a chef – I figured it would add spice to my life,
BUT I just didn’t have the thyme.
6. Next, I tried working in a deli,
BUT any way I sliced it, I just couldn’t cut the mustard.
7. My best job was as a musician,
BUT I eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.
 8. I studied for a long time to become a doctor,
BUT I didn’t have any patience.
9. Next up was a job in a shoe factory – I tried hard,
BUT I just didn’t fit in.
10. After that, I became a fisherman,
BUT I discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.
11. Next, I managed to get a job at a pool maintenance company,
BUT the work was too draining.
12. So after that I got a job at a workout center,
BUT they said I wasn’t fit for the job…
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian,
BUT I realized there was no future in it…
14. My last job was when I tried working in a muffler factory,
BUT that was too exhausting.
So, I tried retirement!
AND I FOUND I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Source……….www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan
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