humour

Joke of the Day…” Does your Dog Bite …? “

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A man was checking into a hotel when he saw a golden retriever sitting on a rug near the hotel elevator. Talking to the man behind the desk, he asked, “Does your dog bite?” The attendant said, “No, he doesn’t.” But as the man let his hand down to pat the dog, it bit his hand and held on so tightly that the man had to throw him across the room.

Returning to the desk, the man said, “I thought you said that your dog didn’t bite.” He directed the attendant’s attention to the dog, who now had returned to the rug. The attendant simply answered, “My friend that is NOT my dog.”

Source::::Joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day….” You are not coming empty handed ” …!!!

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Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I got a wife and three kids and I’d love to have you visit us.”

“Great. Where do you live?”

“Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I’ll let you in.”

“Good. But tell me…what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?”

“Surely, you’re not coming empty-handed.”

SOURCE::::::::::joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day… ” It is Vanishing Cream …” !!!

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During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”….

Source::::Joke a day.com

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Joke of the Day… ” How Do i go to the Kitchen …” ?

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An elderly man who denies he is being forgetful was asked by his wife to get a cup of coffee at midnight. “Oh sure my dear, and what else?” “That’s it honey, the last time you got me a coffee, you forgot to put sugar and cream,” the old wife remarked. “That’s not true, for as long as I can remember, I do not forget anything,” boasts the grandpa. “OK sweetheart, in that case, please get me some cookies too,” was the sweet reply of grandma. “As you wish my dear,” says the hubby, then he adds, “by the way, how do I go to the kitchen?

Source::::Joke a day .com

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Joke of the Day…” Comfortable …” !!!

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Hoss rode into town to buy a bull. Unfortunately, when he bought it, he was left with one dollar. Hoss needed to tell his wife to come with the truck and get the bull, but telegrams cost one dollar per word. Hoss said to the telegram man,”OK. I have my one word-‘comfortable’.” Why do you want to tell her that?” asked the telegram man. “Oh, she’s not the best reader,” Hoss said. “She’ll read it really slowly”. (Com-for-ta-ble, get it?)

Source:::;joke a day.com

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Senior Citizens Re Enact Classic Movie Scenes…!!!

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How much do we love these photos? Viel, that’s how much.

Yes, we tip our hat today to the Contilla old people’s home in Essen, Germany – who had a wonderful idea for a calendar: getting residents to pose as famous actors in classic movie scenes.

From James Bond to Holly Golightly, ‘The Blues Brothers’ to ‘Saturday Night Fever’, check out the wonderful results below…

  • James Bond: Wilhelm Buiting, 89
    James Bond: Wilhelm Buiting, 89
  • Titanic: Erna Rütt, 86, and Alfred Kelbch, 81
    "Titanic": Erna Rütt, 86, und Alfred Kelbch, 81
  • Breakfast At Tiffany’s: Marianne Brunsbach, 86
    "Breakfast at Tiffany": Marianne Brunsbach, 86
  • Rocky: Erwin J. von der Heiden, 80
    "Rocky": Erwin J. von der Heiden, 80
  • Mary Poppins: Erna Schenk, 78
    "Mary Poppins": Erna Schenk, 78
  • The Seven Year Itch: Ingeborg Giolbass, 84, and Erich Endlein, 88
    "Das verflixte siebte Jahr": Ingeborg Giolbass, 84, und Erich Endlein, 88
  • The Blues Brothers: Margarete Schmidt, 77, and Lothar Wischnewski, 76
    "Blues Brothers": Margarete Schmidt (r.), 77, und Lothar Wischnewski 76
  • Cabaret: Martha Bajohr, 77
    "Cabaret": Martha Bajohr, 77
  • Giant: Joanna Trachenberg, 81, and Horst Krischat, 78
    "Giants": Joanna Trachenberg, 81, und Horst Krischat, 78
  • Dirty Dancing: Johann Liedtke, 92, and Marianne Pape, 79
    "Dirty Dancing": Johann Liedtke, 92 & Marianne Pape, 79,.
  • Easy Rider: Walter Loeser, 98, and Kurt Neuhaus, 90
    "Easy Rider": Walter Loeser (l.), 98, & Kurt Neuhaus, 90
  • Saturday Night Fever: Irmgard Alt, 79, and Siegfried Gallasch, 87
    "Saturday Night Fever": Irmgard Alt, 79, & Siegfried Gallasch, 87,
     Source:::huffingtonpost.co.uk
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Joke of the Day…” Can we send Ours …” ?

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For his entire working life, a dedicated and hardworking Astrophysicist tried in all earnest to find the existence of other being somewhere in the universe. After 58 years of constant effort, he finally receives a response from a planet 30 billion light years away.

“What is your planet like?” groaned the extraterrestrial from the other side of the Galaxy.

“It is 12,756 Kilometers in diameter, is 93,000,000 miles from the nearest star, our sun, has an average temperature of 72 degrees F. We breathe oxygen, live about 75 years, and have both men and women” answered the Physicist.

“Do the you get along with the women on your planet?” the extraterrestrial asked slowly.

Puzzled by the question, but not wanting to insult the female Physicists near by, he answered “Why yes. We get along quite well here.”

The extraterrestrial perked up “Can we send you ours?”

Source::::joke a day.com

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Innocence of This Kid will make you Smile and Smile !!!

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Viral: Little Boy Goes to Pick Up Pizza, Wins the Internet Instead

Courtesy: Imgur

Kids can do the simplest of things and win your heart. Here’s one such kid whose innocence will make you smile from ear to ear.

A Reddit user posted the image above. He explained how a 6-year-old went to buy pizza at a Domino’s outlet where his sister works. When it was time to pay for the food, the little boy tried to use his father’s credit card. As you can see, the kid in his innocence signed the word ‘dad’ on the receipt.

Jewel Cowart, the cashier at the pizza joint was completely overwhelmed with the boys act. She clicked a picture of the receipt and showed it to her brother who in turn posted it online. Not surprisingly, the picture and its adorableness went viral.

“He simply thought he was signing for his father,” Cowart told a website.

And if you’re wondering whether the kid’s parents knew about this, Cowart mentions that the child was in fact accompanied by his father.

This is a cuteness overload, we say

Source::::Ndtv.com

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What a Way to Avoid Excess Baggage Charges !!!

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UPON discovering their luggage was overweight, these cheeky passengers didn’t carry on. Instead, they got creative.

Traveller Stou Sandalski told news.com.au that he witnessed the duo, who were flying from Singapore to Sydney with budget airline Scoot, being informed that one of their bags was over the “free” weight limit.

Faced with an extra fee of $130, they did what many of us have been tempted to do before but dismissed as simply too ridiculous. They unzipped their bag and put on as many items of clothing as they could possibly squeeze into, until it was no longer overweight.

That included multiple hats piled on top of each other, shoes tucked into one of their waistbands and even jeans tied around their neck.

It was such a comical sight that Sandalski posted this image onto Reddit.

The flyers. Picture: Stou Sandalski

The flyers. Picture: Stou Sandalski Source: Supplied

But according to Sandalski, there was an unexpected twist at the check-in desk.

A flight attendant said: “I am going to come to the gate and make sure you are still wearing everything”.

Oh dear.

We pity the passengers who had to sit next to them — it would have been a tight squeeze.

news.com.au has contacted Scoot for comment.

Source::::news.com.au

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Joke of the Day…” Who is Standing Next …” ?

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This man was talking to himself. “I wish I could meet some really important people before I die….”
A man walked up to him and said, “Hi, my name is Mike and I overheard you. I can help you because I know everybody on the planet who is alive today.”
“No way, you must be pulling my leg. Let’s go to Jane Hull so you can prove it to me,” said the man.
So they go to Jane Hull’s office, and when she notices Mike, they start to talk about how they were in kindergarten together.
“Okay, it could have been a coincidence that you were in kindergarten together. Let’s go talk to the president!” said the man. So they took a jet to the White House where the President was having a press conference. When the President saw Mike, they started to talk about how they were in band together.
“Okay for your last test, let’s go to the Pope!” said the man. So they took a jet to Rome and when they got there they went to a church were the Pope was giving a sermon. After the sermon, Mike walked up to the Pope and they shook hands and started to talk.
When Mike walked back over to the man, the man said, “You know, I had a hard time believing you even after the Pope until a guy came up to me and said, “Hey who is that standing next to Mike?!”

Source:::joke a day.com

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