humour

Just For Laugh !!!!…..No Excuse !!!!

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The Excuse

After a weekend vacation, the seargent got to the military base only to find out that none of his soldiers made it on time. It took 3 hours before they started showing up. By then he was about to explode with rage.

He decided to summon each of them to his office and get an explanation.

The first soldier walks in, and the seargant asks: “Well, what’s your excuse for showing up so late?”

“Sorry, sir! I can explain! You see, I was late for the bus and had to hitchhike, no cars stopped, and then suddenly, an old man driving a horse and buggy stops and offers me a ride! Well, you know, I couldn’t refuse the man’s kind gesture, and I got on, only it took forever to get here, and that’s why I was late!”

“hmmph,” said the surprised Seargant, “I guess that’s a reasonable explanation.” and he let the soldier go.

He called the next soldier in and asked for his excuse.

“Sorry, sir! I can explain! You see, I was late for the bus and had to hitchhike, then this old woman with a horse and carriage stopped for me…” and the soldier tells him the same story, that he was late because the buggy was so slow.

One after another, all the soldiers file in and tell him the exact same story.

The last soldier than walks in, and the seargant, now quite annoyed, says: “I suppose you hitch-hiked too?”

“Yes sir!”

“And I suppose you also got a ride?”

“Yes sir!”

“And I suppose it was on a horse and buggy?”

“No sir!”

“No?” asked the surprised Seargant.

“No sir, it was a 2012 Mercedes, sir!”

“Then why the heck were you late??” Shouted the searganet.

“We tried to make good time sir,” answered the soldier, “but the road was completely blocked with horses and buggies!”

 

source::::::babamailnet

Natarajan

Just For Laugh !!!!!….I am Saw Ree !!!!!!!!!!!

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Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Operator: That’s what I said. I’m Saw Ree…

Caller: Oh… God!!……

 

source::::unknown…input from a friend of mine…

Natarajan

Just For Laugh !!!!!….”Do You Know Me ?”!!!!

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Grandma in Court!
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him”.

The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, said,

“If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”

 

source>>>>babamailnet

Natarajan

See Who Is Having the Last Laugh !!!!

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A rich man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet beagle along for company. One day, the beagle starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering around, he notices a tiger heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The beagle thinks, “I’m in trouble!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the tiger is about to leap, the beagle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious tiger. I wonder if there are any more around here!”

Hearing this, the tiger halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” grunts the tiger. “That was close. That weird creature nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the tiger. So, off he goes.

But the beagle saw him heading after the tiger with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the tiger, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the tiger. The tiger, furious at being made a fool of, says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving little thing.”

Now the beagle sees the tiger coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… and, just when they get close enough to hear, the beagle says: “Where’s that darn monkey? I sent him off over an hour ago to bring me another tiger!”

When he turned around… he was alone.

source:::babamailnet.

Natarajan

Just For Laugh !!!!….Free Fall Flight !!!!

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The Expensive Flight…
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.

“Let’s go to the fair, Matt,” his wife said, “We haven’t been anywhere for a long time.”

Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, “All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything.”

They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money. Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small, old looking airplane.

“Fun flight!” the notice said, “$10 for 10 minutes.”

Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.

“I’ve only got $10,” he told the pilot. “Can my wife come with me for free?”

The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said , “I’ll make a bargain with you. If both of you can hold from screaming or shouting the whole flight, you won’t have to pay for her.”

Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.

The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things, up and down and all around, tricks, fast turns, everything he could to scare them. But they never uttered a word.

Eventually, the pilot said, “O.K., we’ll land now. None of you made a sound so your can have her ride for free.”

“Thank you,” Matt said. “wasn’t easy, especially when she fell out.”

 

source:::::babamailnet

Natarajan

Think Before You Spend !!!!

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AKBARS GOLD COINS

The wisdom of Birbal was unparalleled during the reign of Emperor Akbar. But Akbars brother in law was extremely jealous of him. He asked the Emperor to dispense with Birbals services and appoint him in his place. He gave ample assurance that he would prove to be more efficient and capable than Birbal. Before Akbar could take a decision on this matter, this news reached Birbal.

Birbal resigned and left. Akbars brother in law was made the minister in place of Birbal. Akbar decided to test the new minister. He gave three hundred gold coins to him and said, Spend these gold coins such that, I get a hundred gold coins here in this life; a hundred gold coins in the other world and another hundred gold coins neither here nor there.

The minister found the entire situation to be a maze of confusion and hopelessness. He spent sleepless nights worrying over how he would get himself out of this mess. Thinking in circles was making him go crazy. Eventually, on the advice of his wife he sought Birbals help. Birbal said, Just give me the gold cons. I shall handle the rest.

Birbal walked the streets of the city holding the bag of gold coins in his hand. He noticed a rich merchant celebrating his sons wedding. Birbal gave a hundred gold coins to him and bowed courteously saying, The Emperor Akbar sends you his good wishes and blessings for the wedding of your son. Please accept the gift he has sent. The merchant felt honoured that the king had sent a special messenger with such a precious gift. He honoured Birbal and gave him a large number of expensive gifts and a bag of gold coins as a return gift for the king.

Next, Birbal went to the area of the city were the poor people lived. There he bought food and clothing in exchange for a hundred gold coins and distributed them in the name of the Emperor.

When he came back to town he organized a concert of music and dance. He spent a hundred gold coins on it.

The next day Birbal entered Akbars darbar and announced that he had done all that the king had asked his brother-in-law to do. The Emperor waited to know how he had done it. Birbal repeated the sequences of all the events and then said, The money I gave to the merchant for the wedding of his son �you have got back while on this earth. The money I spent on buying food and clothing for the poor �you will get it in the other world. The money I spent on the musical concert �you will get neither here nor there.

This is true even today.

The money you spend on friends is returned or reciprocated in some form or the other.

Money spent on charity gets converted into blessings from God which becomes your eternal property.

Money spent on pleasures is just frittered away!

So when you spend money, think a little, if not a lot!

 

source::::input from a friend of mine..

Natarajan

மாமுனிவர் குறிப்பிட்ட ” தர்பார் ” !!!!

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காஞ்சிப்பெரியவர் பக்தர்களுக்கு ஆசியளிக்கும் போது, நகைச்சுவையாக பேசுவதும் உண்டு.

ஒரு சமயம், காஞ்சி காமாட்சியம்மன் கோயிலில் நவராத்திரி விழா நடந்து கொண்டிருந்தது. அதில் தினமும் வித்வான்கள் பாடுவர்.விழாவின் ஒருநாள் மாலையில், பெரியவரை தரிசிக்க பக்தர் ஒருவர் வந்தார். எழுத்தாளரான அவர், தன் புத்தகங்களை பெரியவரிடம் காட்டி விளக்கம் அளித்துக் கொண்டிருந்தார். பக்தர்கள் பலர் தரிசனத்திற்காக காத்திருந்தனர். அவர்களைக் கண்டதும் பெரியவர் எழுத்தாளரிடம், “”இப்போது நீ காமாட்சியம்மனைத் தரிசித்து விட்டு வா. அங்கு தர்பார் நடக்கிறது. சீக்கிரம் முடிந்து விடும், வேகமாகச் செல்,” என்றார்.

எழுத்தாளர் சென்றபோது, அம்மன் தர்பார் அலங்காரத்தில் இல்லாமல் வேறு அலங்காரத்தில் காட்சியளித்தாள்.

“”பெரியவர் “தர்பார் அலங்காரம்’ என்று சொன்னாரே!. இங்கு வேறு அலங்காரத்தில் அம்பாள் இருக்கிறாளே!” என்று குழப்பமடைந்தார்.

அப்போது, இனிய கானம் காற்றில் மிதந்து வந்தது. தர்பார் ராகத்தில், “”லோசனா.. கமல லோசனா” என்று பிரபல பாடகி எம்.எஸ். சுப்புலட்சுமி பாடிக்கொண்டிருந்தார்.

“”அடடா..நாமோ தர்பார் அலங்காரம் என்று நினைத்து வந்தோம். இங்கே தர்பார் ராக பாடல் அல்லவா பாடப்படுகிறது! பெரியவர் சொன்னதை இப்படி புரிந்து கொண்டோமே! அவருடைய நகைச்சுவை உணர்வு தான் என்னே!” என்று சிரித்தபடியே, மற்றவர்களிடமும் இந்த நிகழ்வைப் பகிர்ந்து கொண்டார்.

மற்றவர்களும் இதுகேட்டு சிரிக்க, “”அது சரி…தர்பார் ராகத்தில் எம்.எஸ்., பாடுவார் என்பது முன்கூட்டியே எப்படி பெரியவருக்குத் தெரிந்தது! முக்காலமும் உணர்ந்த ஞானி என்று சொல்வது இதனால் தானோ என்று பரவசமும் அடைந்தனர்.

-“நீலக்கல்’ ராமச்சந்திர சாஸ்திரிகள்

Read more: http://periva.proboards.com/thread/3931/darbar-ragam/#ixzz2SUoR6Kat

Natarajan

காஞ்சி சுவாமி ….கஞ்சி சுவாமி. !!!…காஞ்சி பெரியவரின் சிலேடை !!!!

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காஞ்சிபுரத்தில் வேத பாஷ்ய பரிட்சை நடந்தது.ஏராளமான பண்டிதர்கள் கலந்து கொண்டனர்.

அந்த நாள்களில்,ஸ்ரீ மடத்தில் டீ,காபி கொடுக்கும் வழக்கம் இல்லை.வித்வான்களுக்கு மோர்க் கஞ்சி,பால் கஞ்சிதான் கொடுப்பது வழக்கம்.

ஒரு பக்தர்,வித்வான்களுக்கு கஞ்சி கொடுத்துக்கொண்டிருந்தார். கூட்டம் அதிகமாக இருந்ததால் எல்லாரும் கஞ்சிக்காக நின்று கொண்டிருந்தார்கள்.

ஒரு வித்வான் கஞ்சி கொடுத்துக்கொண்டிருந்த நபரைப் பார்த்து,[தனக்கு உடனே கொடுக்க வேண்டும் என்பதற்காக] ‘கஞ்சி ஸ்வாமி….கஞ்சி ஸ்வாமி”என்று உரத்த குரலில் அழைத்துக் கொண்டிருந்தார். [கஞ்சி கொடுங்கோ ஸார் என்பதைப் போல கஞ்சி ஸ்வாமி!]

சற்றுத் தொலைவில் உட்கார்ந்தபடி ஸ்ரீ பெரியவாள் இதைக் கேட்டு ரசித்துக் கொண்டிருந்தார்.

அந்த சமயம் பார்த்து, ஒரு வித்வான் [கஞ்சி கேட்டவரின் குரலைக் கேட்டு] பரபரப்புடன்,”கஞ்சி ஸ்வாமிகள் எக்கட உன்னாரு?” என்று[பெரியவாள் தரிசனத்துக்காக] ஆவலுடன் கேட்டார்.

இரண்டையும் கேட்டுக் கொண்டிருந்த பெரியவாள் மெல்லச் சிரித்தபடியே……

“தெலுங்கில்தான் ‘கஞ்சி ஸ்வாமி’யாக நான் இருந்தேன். இப்போது தமிழிலும் ‘கஞ்சி’ ஸ்வாமியாக [கஞ்சி கொடுக்கும் நபர்] ஆகிவிட்டேன்.ரொம்பப் பொருத்தம்” என்று கூறி, பொருள் சிலம்பம் செய்தார்கள்.
Jaya Jaya Shankara, Hara Hara Shankara !

source::::periva.proboards.com
Natarajan
Read more: http://periva.proboards.com/thread/4050/kanchi-swami/#ixzz2SPk8wxzw

“Men May Come and Men May Go”..But Credit Card Billing Goes on Forever!!!

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Cancel your credit card before you die……… (hilarious! ).. Because ,you can not rule out the possibility of such response from today”s  Customer service call centers of  Banks !!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and  the Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been Rs.0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around Rs.6000.00. A family member placed a call to  Bank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: ‘I am calling to tell you she died back in January.’

Bank: ‘The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’

Family Member: ‘Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. ‘

Bank: ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.’

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’

Bank: ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’

Family Member: ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?

Bank:   Excuse Me …

Family Member: ‘Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?’

Bank: ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.’

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a Rs.0 balance.’

Bank: ‘The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’

Family Member: ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’

Bank: (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’

Family Member: ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)

Bank: ‘Could you fax us a certificate of death?’

Family Member: ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given )

After they got the fax :

Bank: ‘Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.’

Family Member: ‘Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’  Bank: ‘Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.’

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?’

Bank: ‘That might help…’

Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Avinashi, Coimbatore

Bank: ‘Sir, that’s a cemetery!’
Family Member: ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???’

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!         !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

source: unknown… input from a friend of mine

Natarajan