cheerful attitude

Jokes For the Day…” Guess Where” …!!!

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All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture”, and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:

1. On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached
cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for
your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants.”

2. On landing the stewardess said, “There may be 50 ways to leave
your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane.”

3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella.
WHOA!”

4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

5. “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull
it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

………………………….

 

1. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

2. “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with you with our compliments.”

3. “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

4. And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Delta airlines
is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

5. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly
windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to
fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate

………………………………..
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where?

source:::::joke a day.com

natarajan

” பிரெஞ்சு பாஷைல ‘சீ ப்ரே ‘ என்றால் என்ன அர்த்தம் ! …”

NatarajanLeave a comment


ஏதோ ஓர் அறக்கட்டளையை கலைத்துவிட அதன் அறங்காவலர்கள்
முடிவு செய்திருப்பதாகவும், அவர்கள் யாவரும் பெரியவாளின்
பக்தர்களாகையால் அதன் சொத்துக்களை அவர் உயிரினும் பெரிதாக
மதித்த வேதரக்ஷண நிதி ட்ரஸ்டுக்கு மாற்றி விட விரும்புவதாகவும்
அவர்களில் ஒருவர் செய்தி கொண்டு வந்தார். அதற்கு ஸ்ரீ சரணருடைய
அநுமதியும் அநுக்ரஹமும் வேண்டினார்.

ஸ்ரீ சரணர் பளிச்செனப் பதிலிறுத்தார்: “நீங்க ட்ரஸ்டீகளெல்லாரும்
எங்கிட்ட பக்தியா இருக்கேன்னா போறுமா என்ன? ஒங்க பக்தியை,
அபிமானத்தை மனஸார அங்கீகரிச்சுக்கறேன். ஆனாலும் ஒங்க
ட்ரஸ்டோட ஆஸ்தி பாஸ்தியை வேதரக்ஷண நிதிக்கு ட்ரான்ஸ்ஃபர்
பண்றதுன்னா, அதுக்குச் சட்டம் எடம் குடுத்தாதானே முடியும்?
அந்த மாதிரிக் குடுக்கலியே! “ப்ரன்ஸிபள் அவ் ஸீப்ரே”ன்னு
‘லா’வுல இருக்கு. அதன்படி, ஒரு டிரஸ்டைக் கலைக்கும்படி
ஏற்பட்டா அதனோட சொத்துக்களை எந்த லக்ஷ்யத்துல அந்த ட்ரஸ்ட்
ஆரம்பிச்சு நடத்துதோ, அதுக்கு ரொம்பக் கிட்டினதான ஒரு
லக்ஷ்யத்தோட நடக்கற இ்ன்னொரு ட்ரஸ்டுக்குத்தான் மாத்த முடியும்.
ரொம்ப வித்யாஸமான லக்ஷ்யம் இருக்கிற ட்ரஸ்டுக்கு ட்ரான்ஸ்ஃபர்
பண்ண முடியாது. இப்ப ஒங்க ட்ரஸ்டோட லக்ஷ்யமும் வேதரக்ஷணமும்
வித்யாஸமானதுன்னுதான் எல்லாரும் அபிப்ராயப்படுவா.

ஒங்க ட்ரஸ்ட் ஸோஷல் ஸர்வீஸ் லக்ஷ்யத்துல ஏற்பட்டது. வேத
ரக்ஷணத்தைவிடப் பெரிய சோஷல் ஸர்வீஸ் இல்லேன்னு எங்க மாதிரி
சில பேர் வேணா சொல்லலாமே தவிர, அதைப் பொதுவா லோகம்,
கவர்மென்ட், கோர்ட் ஒத்துக்காது. ஆனதுனால், ஒங்க ஆசையைப்
பூர்த்தி பண்ண முடியலியேன்னு எனக்கும் கஷ்டமாத்தான்
இருக்குன்னாலும் அப்படித்தான் சட்டம் கட்டுப்படுத்தறது.
நீங்க இத்தனை அபிமானமா நெனச்சதே வேதரக்ஷண ட்ரஸ்டுக்குப்
பணத்தைக் கொண்டு வந்து கொட்டும்! ஒங்க பணமும் ஒரு நல்ல
சோஷல் சர்வீஸ் ஆர்கனைஸேஷனுக்குப் போய்ச் சேந்து நல்லபடியா
பிரயோஜனமாகணும்னு ப்ரார்த்திச்சுக்கறேன்”- அவருக்கே உரித்தான
ஆழ்ந்த அநுதாபத்துடன் கூறி, அகம் குவித்துச் சிறிது நேரம்
பிரார்த்திக்கிறார்.

அடுத்து அவரது மொழியியல் ஞானம், பன்மொழிப் புலமை
ஆகியவற்றுக்கும் சான்று படைக்கிறார்.

” ‘ஸீப்ரே’-ன்னு சட்டப் பாயின்ட் சொன்னேனே, அதுக்கு ஸ்பெல்லிங்படி
உச்சரி்ப்புப் பாத்தா ‘ஸைப்ரஸ்’னு வரும். ஆனா அது ஃப்ரெஞ்ச்
வார்த்தையானதால, அந்த பாஷையோட லக்ஷணப்படி ஸ்பெல்லிங்
ஒரு தினுஸாவும், உச்சரிப்பு வேறே தினுஸாவும் இருக்கும். இந்த
வார்த்தை ஸ்பெல்லிங்படி ‘ஸைப்ரஸ்’ன்னு ஆகும்.ஆனாலும்
ஸைப்ரஸ் தீவுக்குப் போடற ஸ்பெல்லிங் இல்லை. அந்தத் தீவுக்கு,
C,Y,P,R,U,S-னு ஸ்பெல்லிங் போடறோம். ‘ஸீப்ரே’க்கு C,Y, அப்புறம்
ரெண்டு வார்த்தையை ஒண்ணா சேக்கறப்ப ஸந்தியிலே போடற
ஹைஃபன், ஹைஃபனுக்கு அப்பறம் P,R,E..E, தான் U இல்லே:
U போட்டா ஸைப்ரஸ் தீவுன்னு ஆயிடும்…E க்கு அப்புறம்
கடைசி எழுத்தா S-(CY-PRES). அந்த ‘S’ உச்சரிப்புல வராது.
‘ஸைலன்ட்’ ஆயிடும்.

ஃப்ரெஞ்ச் பாஷைல ‘ஸீ-ப்ரே-ன்னா ‘ரொம்பக் கிட்டே”னு அர்த்தம்.
ஒரு ட்ரஸ்ட் சொத்தை அதனோட லக்ஷ்யத்துக்கு ரொம்பவும்
கிட்டினதான லக்ஷ்யமுள்ள இன்னொரு ட்ரஸ்டுக்குத்தான்
மாத்தணும்னு தெரிவிக்கிறதால அந்த விதிக்கு அப்படிப் பேர்.”   

source::::www.periva.proboards.com

natarajan

Read more: http://periva.proboards.com/thread/455/knowledge-on-laws#ixzz2rfJrmrmS

Jokes For The Week …

NatarajanLeave a comment

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry but you scared the daylights out of me.”

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

…………………..

one Work Joke >>>>

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week !!!

Management

source::::joke a day .com

natarajan

 

Peace… An Art of Remaining Calm in the midst of Noise !!!

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” Nano Trying To Overtake BMW and Porsche …”!!!

NatarajanLeave a comment
A Nano breaks down on a roadside.


A BMW 750 stops to help the driver.
“I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please
flash your lights”

They start up slowly but a only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds
past 150km an hour.

The BMW driver forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap the cop radios the HQ:
“You won’t believe I have seen a BMW & a Porsche racing past 170 km an hour
with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to overtake “–  

source >>>>unknown… input from a friend of mine
natarajan

Joke For the Day… Lost in Hot Air Baloon !!!

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A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the man, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below responded, “You must be a manager.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”   

 

source::::joke a day .com

natarajan

Jokes For the Weekend …. ” Windows Frozen …” !!!

NatarajanLeave a comment
SHORT &  SIMPLE:
Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.”
Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.”
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer really screwed up now.”
………………..
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…. Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”
The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”
“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

………………..
Quick Wit:
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer.” the man began, “I can explain,”.
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…”
“But officer, I just wanted to say….”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

………………….

source::::: joke a day .com
natarajan

Joke of The Day… “Do you Have A Driving Licence ? ” !!!

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A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and said, “Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?” The man said, “Well officer I don’t have a license, it was taken away for a DUI.” The officer, in surprise, said,” What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?” So the man replied, “No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.” The officer stepped back, “There is a gun in the glove box?!?” The man sighed and said, “Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk.” The officer steps toward the back of the car and says,” Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.” The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man said,” Yes officer here it right here.” It all checked out so the officer said,” Is there a gun in the glove box sir?” The man laughs and says,” No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box.” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says, “Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.” The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah and I’ll bet he said I was speeding too.”   

source::::joke a day .com

natarajan

 

Joke For The Day … ” Not only a Can Of Peaches , But also A Can of Peas…” !!!

NatarajanLeave a comment

” > > The concerned husband:
> >
> > A cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery
> > store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager
> > to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her
> > away, complaining and criticizing throughout the process.
> >
> >
> > When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she
> > had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied,
> > “Just a stupid can of peaches.”
> >
> > The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied,
> > “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the
> > store.”
> >
> >
> > The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She
> > replied, “Nine, but what do you care about that?”
> >
> > The judge patiently said, “Well, ma’am, because
> > I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for
> > each peach.”

As the judge was about to drop gavel,
the lady’s long suffering husband raised his hand
and asked if he might speak.
> >
> >
> > The judge said, “Yes, what do you have to add?”
> >
> > The husband said, “Your Honour, she also stole a can of
> > peas.”

 

source :::: input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Just For Laugh… ” We Mind Our Business ” !!!

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An anti-British sign?

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000  TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!’

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, Britain is a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps its greatest liberty.

After all, it is ONLY A SIGN.

You may ask What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?
Answer:

A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID THE SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?!!!!?

source:::: input frtom a friend of mine

natarajan