Just For Laugh !!!! ….” Where are all The Australians “? !!!!

A Somalian arrives in Australia
as a new immigrant.
He stops the first person he sees walking
down the street and says……..

‘Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me
in this country, giving me housing,
money for food,
free medical care, free education
and no taxes!’
The passer by says,

‘You are mistaken, I am Afgani!’

The man goes on and encounters
another passer by.
‘Thank you for having such beautiful
country here in Australia!’

The person says, ‘I not Australian, I Iraqi!’

The new arrival walks further and
the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says,
‘Thank you for the wonderful Australia!
‘That person puts up his hand and says,
‘I am from Pakistan, I am not from Australia!’

He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
‘Are you an Australian?’
She says, ‘No, I am from India!’

Puzzled, he asks her,

‘Where are all the Australians?’

The Indian lady checks her watch
and says ..
.
‘Probably at work’.

” Walk on The Lake Water on 18 th Birthday ” !!!

An Irish Story !!!!

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.

“Grandma,” he asked, “This me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?”

Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s troubled blue eyes and said, “Because your father, your grandfather and your great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you  were born in August,  You idiot !!!!”

 

source:::::: unknown…. input from a friend of mine

natarajan

” Now You Can Have The Duck ” !!!!

 

‘Scottish Three Kick Rule” !!!
A Glasgow lawyer went duck hunting in rural Aberdeenshire . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Scotland and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Mintlaw. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.’

The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”

The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old guy.  Now it’s my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck.”

If you are educated, you’ll believe only half of what you hear. 
If you’re intelligent, you know which half…  
source:::: unknown…. input from a friend of mine …
natarajan
                  

Longest Living People on Earth !!!!!

China longevity

Xu Yuhe, 103, at home in Chengmai city, in China’s southern Hainan province. The county’s elderly residents are among the longest-lived people on earth. Picture: Wang Zhao

THE elderly residents of one Chinese county have endured invasion, civil war and famine, and many live in unheated concrete shacks on only a few dollars a day. But they are apparently among the longest-lived people on earth.

Chengmai, a string of villages dotted with orange plantations in the tropical island province of Hainan, claims more than 200 residents aged over 100 out of a population of 560,000 – one of the highest ratios in the world.

They are said to include at least three “supercentenarians'” – the name given to those aged over 110 – out of fewer than 400 thought to exist worldwide.

Li Aizhu, whose government-issued residence permit says she was born in 1900, hobbles daily from her tiny concrete bedroom, where an electric fan beats back the intense heat, to watch quacking ducks waddle past her family farmhouse.

“Who are these people?” Ms Li asked relatives when visitors arrived, a shock of white hair framing her wrinkled face.

She aimed the same question at government officials who arrived with a metal plaque declaring her to be a “longevity celebrity”, her family said. It now hangs above a hard wooden bench in her simple living room, entitling her to a 500 yuan ($90) monthly payment, and free medical treatment.

Other clusters of longevity are said to include Cuba, islands off Greece and Japan, and a peninsula in Costa Rica, with researchers finding common characteristics including an emphasis on family, lifestyles requiring physical activity, and a plant-based diet.

As China was swept by dramatic changes – from Japanese invasion, to the Communist victory in the civil war, and a transition from a planned economy to the market – most Chengmai residents carried on doing what they had always done, growing crops.

“I’ve never done any exercise, except hard farmwork,” said 86 year-old Wang Kailu, who lives in a simple concrete shack with his wife Wu Aihe. The couple said they married the day after Japan’s World War Two surrender, 68 years ago.

Their one-storey dwelling is barely furnished and Mr Wang draws water from a well to spread on his small vegetable plot.

Experts on ageing who have travelled to the area say several factors could be involved in the phenomenon.

Jennifer Holdaway, who runs the China Environment and Health Initiative of the US-based Social Science Research Council and visited Chengmai for a government-funded conference last year, pointed out that its economy was centred around agriculture.

“There is not a lot of industry, the climate is good, they can get exercise easily, and the diet is healthy; they have plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, and the soil is also naturally high in selenium”, an essential nutrient, she said.

Locals, though, claimed a healthy reliance on alcohol was vital. Xu Yuhe, whose residency permit lists her as 104, told AFP that she takes daily shots of “Three Coconut Spring” a local grain spirit.

“I drink alcohol every evening, just a little bit, it helps you feel warm,” added Sheng She, an 80-year-old who says she has 31 children and grandchildren.

Experts say an active social life is also a key to longevity, and each morning dozens of Chengmai’s elderly pack out benches in a teahouse, with men at the back playing cards and women at the front, chatting and listening to clattering opera recordings.

“I come here every morning to exercise, watch opera and drink tea,” said Ms Sheng, before darting out to test her strength on a yellow-painted metal exercise machine.

A study commissioned by Chengmai’s Communist Party committee put its residents’ lifespans down to their being “diligent, simple-minded and magnanimous, mainly taking a vegetarian diet, eating sensibly, early to bed early to rise.”

The county has coralled its centenarians into singing concerts and paraded them for the media as it seeks to promote itself as a centre of long life.

Property companies – which have developed large swathes of Hainan in recent years – also hope to cash in, with the island a hotspot for retirees from across China.

Soaring clumps of newly-built apartment blocks dot the county, with one named “Longevity City” trumpeting the ageing population in its advertising.

But while Chengmai has stepped up investment in elderly care – AFP visited a newly built set of huts for housing those whose families cannot look after them – facilities for the aged themselves remain basic.

Experts say longevity zones around the world are rarely in rich areas.

“If you’re living in a climate like that you don’t need very much to be comfortable: simple housing, a mosquito net, some rattan chairs and other people to hang out with,” said Holdaway.

“It’s a different matter if you live in the North where you have to spend a lot of time indoors and fresh food is expensive in the winter.”

Li Aizhu, though, has a simpler explanation. “We asked her once,” said the 113-year-old’s great-granddaughter, Yi Mei. “She said its because she eats a lot of peanut oil, that’s her secret.”
source:::::news.com.au

natarajan

Message For The Day…. Material Wealth Gives You Joy as well as Grief ….

The last day of a Saptaha (seven-day discourse) is called Samaapthi. That word means, according to most people, the final function; but it has a more profound meaning too. Samaapthi means the attainment (Aapthi) of the Samam (Divine or Brahman). That is the final fruit of Shravana, Manana and Nidhidhyasana (Listening, Recapitulation and Assimilation) of key spiritual truths and lessons from discourses. In the worldly sense, it means the conclusion of a period of time. In the spiritual sense, it means transcending time! The lesson that all spiritual discourses wish to convey is that you must give up your pursuit of sensory objects, if you seek lasting peace and joy. Material wealth brings along with it, not only joy but grief as well. Accumulation of riches, multiplication of wants will lead only to alternation between joy and grief. Attachment is the root of both joy and grief. Detachment is the saviour.

 

Sathya Sai Baba

Message For The Day….You Are Only A Trustee of Your ” Property ” !!!!

A millionaire pays income tax with tears in his eyes. A Headmaster joyfully gives up the furniture and laboratory appliances of the school when he is transferred to another place. Why? Because the headmaster knows and believes that he is only the caretaker, and is not the owner. They are not attached to these articles, for they know that these belong to the Government. So too, every one of you must feel that your family, your house, your fields, your car are all the Lord’s property. You are just a trustee and must be ready to give them up without murmur, at a moment’s notice. Sacrifice does not mean that you should not attach value to things. You must indeed care for everything. But remember, that all of them are transient and the joy they give is very trivial and temporary. Know their real worth, do not overestimate them and develop attachment to them.

 

Sathya Sai Baba

Impala Cheetah–ing Death !!!….A Close Call !!!

Desperate times require desperate measures – and when an impala was targeted by two vicious cheetahs, it made a jump for it that will not soon be forgotten.

The distressed animal was captured on camera leaping into a car full of tourists in order to escape the predators.

The terrified animal appeared to be seconds away from death when an unexpected window of opportunity appeared – quite literally.

Close call: The impala jumps into a car to escape two cheetahs in Kruger National Park in South Africa

Close call: The impala jumps into a car to escape two cheetahs in Kruger National Park in South Africa

The animal had been chased by the cheetah along with its herd when it realised it was the only one left behind.

As the two ferocious animals appeared to have cornered the impala – it leaped into a nearby car which happened to have its windows rolled down.

Samantha Pittendrigh, 20, happened to be filming the chase when the impala jumped through the passenger-side window of a Toyota  in front of her.

She said: ‘We started freaking out going crazy. We couldn’t believe it – we were absolutely dumbstruck.

‘We had absolutely no idea what was going on.

‘We watched the cheetah chasing the impala. We saw a few of them turn around in the bushes towards the road they were running from.’

 Sweet escape: A group of impala flee across a road in Kruger National Park, South Africa when one of them take an unexpected turn
 Sweet escape: A group of impala flee across a road in Kruger National Park, South Africa when one of them take an unexpected turnSwift exit: As the last impala cross the road, the cheetahs' intended meal finds a novel way to escape

Swift exit: As the last impala cross the road, the cheetahs’ intended meal finds a novel way to escape‘All of a sudden we saw the impala jump out of the bushes and then someone started screaming ‘it is in the car, it is in the car’.

‘We heard a little girl screaming in the car. The boy sitting outside the car filming looked a lot younger, so it must have been a family.

‘People in other cars screamed ‘open the door, open the door’.’

In the confusion, one of the passengers managed to open a door and the impala is seen just seconds later trotting across the road to freedom.

The cheetahs are just yards away but do not give chase.

The footage was captured in Kruger National Park, South Africa, where according to park rules you must stay inside your vehicle at all times.

As the terrified impala realises it is the cheetahs' chosen meal, it looks for a way out, and spots the car

The bewildered cheetahs are left with long noses and empty stomachs as the impala disappears into the car

The bewildered cheetahs are left with long noses and empty stomachs as the impala disappears into the car

Miss Pittendrigh, who is studying supply chain management at the University of Pretoria, was with her friends Tanith Human, 20, Carmen Thvle, 21, and Michelle De Jager, 21.

Unlike some of her friends, she has made several trips to Kruger National Park but was left stunned by the trip.

She added: ‘My family are so jealous. In all the years my parents have been going to Kruger Park they have never seen anything like it and we do go regularly.

‘It really is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and we managed to be in the right place at the right time.

‘I was very happy to witness something like that but I felt a sorry for the cheetah.

‘There are so many impala, it is not like they will miss one of them.’

However, the world’s fastest land-animal was not completely ‘cheetah-ed’, as one of them managed to make a kill a mere dozen feet along the road, according to Miss Pittendrig

source:::mailonline.com

natarajan

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2359288/Cheetah-ing-death-Impala-escapes-hungry-predators-jumping-car-tourists-let-coast-clear.html#ixzz2Yf9u0Is3
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“LIC பில்டிங்கில் எத்தனை மாடிகள் ? “

1956 – நவம்பர் நுங்கம்பாக்கத்தில் பெரியவா முகாமிட்டிருந்தா. ஒரு நாள் ராத்திரி 10 மணிக்கு மவுண்ட் ரோடில் நடந்து சென்று கொண்டிருந்தார். 15 பேர் கூட சென்று 
கொண்டிருந்தோம். இந்து பத்திரிகை ஆபீஸ் விஜயம்.

LIC கட்டிடம் அருகே வந்த போது கண்ணன பெரியவாளிடம் இது தான் புதுசா வந்திருக்கிற LIC அடுக்குமாடி கட்டிடம் என்று பெரியவாளிடம் கூறினார். சற்று நின்ற பெரியாவா என்னிடம் இதுலே மொத்தம் எததனை மாடிகள் என்றார்.

நான் தவறாக சொல்லி விட கூடாதென்று “சரியாக தெரியாது ..” என்றேன். “எண்ணி பார்த்துவிட்டு வா ..” என்று கூறி விறு விறு என்று நடக்க ஆரம்பித்தார். 

நான் இரண்டு மூன்று முறை எண்ணி’பார்த்தேன். பாதி எண்ணும் போதே கணக்கு விட்டு போய் மீண்டும் எண்ணும் படி ஆயிற்று . ஒருமுறை 12ம் மறுமுறை 13ம் வந்தது. அதற்குள் பெரியவா வெலிங்டன் டாக்கிஸ வரை சென்று விட்டிரு நதார். நான் ஓடி சென்று மூச்சிறைக்க நின்றேன். “எண்ணிட்டையா ? எத்தனை ? ” என்று பெரியவா கேட்டா. கீழிருந்து 13. டேரசை சேர்த்தா 14. ஆனா மாடிகள் 12 தான் வரது என்றேன். பெரியவா சிரித்து கொண்டார்.

“12 மாடிகளா ? இந்த வாரம் ஆனந்த விகடன் மேல் அட்டைலே வந்திருக்கிற பில்டிங் லே 18 மாடிகள் போட்டிருக்கே. நீ பார்த்தாயோ …? :” என்று கேட்டார். எனக்கு தூக்கி வாரி போட்டது. “நான் எண்ணி பார்க்கலே..” என்றேன். :”அப்புறம் போய் பாரு …” என்று நடந்தபடி கூறினார். கண்ணன் என்னை பார்த்து சிரித்தார் .

நான் சற்று பின் தங்கினேன். அந்த அதிர்ச்சியில் இருந்து மீளுவது அத்தனை எளிதாக இருக்கவில்லை. ஒரு பத்திரிக்கையைப் புரட்டுவதிலும் அதில் வரும் செய்திகளைப் படிப்பதிலும், படங்களை பார்ப்பதிலும் சாதாரண வாசகருக்கும் பெரியவளுக்கும் எத்தனை வேற்றுமை இருக்கிறது என்று எண்ணி வியந்தேன். 

மேலட்டையில் பிரசுரமாயிருந்த அந்த நகைச்சுவையைப் படித்தவர்கள் சிரிப்பு வந்திருந்தால் சிரித்து விட்டுப்பத்திரிகையை புரட்டியிருப்பார்கள். சிரிப்பு வராதவர்கள் சிரிக்காமலேயே புரட்டியிருப்பார்கள். 

எத்தனை பேர் ” அந்த கட்டிடத்தில் எத்தனை மாடிகள் வரைய பட்டிருக்கின்றன” என்று பொறுமையாக எண்ணி பார்த்திருக்க போகிறார்கள்.. ? பிறரை சொல்வானேன்? நானே பார்க்கவில்லை. (அந்த ஜோக் என்னுடையது. படம் கோபுலு வரைநதது ).

எதையும் ஆராயந்து நோக்கும் பெரியவாளின் அபூர்வ சக்தி அதிசயிக்கக்தக்கது என்றால் அவரது நகைச்சுவை யுணர்வு மிகவும் ரசிக்கதக்கதாக இருக்கும்.

(From the experiences of Sri Baraneedharan, acclaimed tamil author)
source::::www.periva.proboards.com

natarajan
Read more: http://periva.proboards.com/thread/4707/lic/#ixzz2Yf3g3AUm

Just For Laugh !!!… ” Stay Cool Malcolm ” !!!

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It is obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, Malcolm, we won’t be long . . .. Easy, ..”

Another outburst and she hears the Granddad calmly say, “It is okay, Malcolm, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “Malcolm, Malcolm, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Malcolm.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman, “It is none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Malcolm is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” exclaims the grandfather, “but I am Malcolm … The little devil’s name is Derek.” !!!!!

 

source::::unknown …input from a friend of mine

natarajan

” I do not Have Anything …What Can I give You ? !!!”

Gift of Existence

There lived a Sadhu who regularly used to give discourses. One day at the end of the discourse he was talking of being grateful to existence. “Operate from a space of gratitude, `Kritajna’. This will allow us to expand.” a beggar was sitting in a corner and listening to the discourse, he came up to the Sadhu and said, “Maharaj, your talk was great. But one thing I am not able to do. You said to be grateful to the existence because it has always showered benediction on you. Sorry! But, existence has not given me anything. I am struggling even for one ROTI”.
The Sadhu said, “ I agree with you, I will give you two lacks, right here, will you be grateful?’ The beggar was thrilled. “But I want something in return from you”, said the Sadhu. “I do not have anything, what can I give you? If I have something I will definitely give you.” said the beggar. “I won’t ask you anything that you do not have”, said the Sadhu. The agreement was made.
The Sadhu said, “I will make arrangements for the two lacks; you please give me both your eyes. The beggar was astonished. “What will I do with these two lacks without my eyes! I don’t agree to the deal,” he said. “I prefer my two eyes to the two lacks”. The Sadhu said, “but you said you don’t have anything and were cursing existence.’

This is a beautiful story. Two eyes he had, then two hands, two legs, stomach etc., He is already a multi millionaire. But all these gifts we do not see. For the beggar, money was very important.
That we can see is such a great gift of existence. We can hear. We can walk. All are great gifts. If you say you are unhappy, it is ridiculous. In fact we should dance and celebrate that existence has given us so many gifts. We are normally focused on what is missing in life. The moment you start operating from what you don’t have, whatever you have also go into darkness.

 

source:::::unknown…input from a friend of mine .

natarajan