humour

Joke of the Day….” I think it is God …” !!!

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VATICAN HUMOR – this is hilarious!

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he
doesn’t travel light),
the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at
the Vatican when I was a
cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job!
What if something should
happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that
morning..

‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly
regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors
it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms..

‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal
until they hear sirens.

‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the
driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him,
goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he has stopped a
limo going at 155 kph.

‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

‘I don’t think we want to do that, he is really important,’ said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’

‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘ A senator?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’

Cop: ‘I think it is God!’

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it is
God?’

Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!!!’

Source…unknown….input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Joke of the Day….” Why should I …” ?

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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”
The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
“-or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to YOU??“
Source………www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan

Jokes for the Weekend….

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Chocolate Chip Cookies
An old man was lying on his deathbed.

With only hours to live, he suddenly smelt chocolate chip cookies wafting up from the kitchen. Driven on by his favourite smell, he somehow managed to pull himself out of bed, across the floor to the stairs, and slowly down the stairs to the kitchen.

There, the old man’s wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last bit of energy, mustering everything he had left, he reached for a cookie only to get his hand slapped.

“No,” the wife snapped, “these are for the funeral!”
……………………….

· Where Have You Been???

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, “You good- for-nothing bastard! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago.”
…………………….
Key to a Happy Marriage

For those of us “of a certain age” and for you youngsters, well, these days will come soon enough!

Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. 

Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband’s mobile.

“Hello My Love,” I stammered; I always call him “My Love” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a long period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice.

He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, please come and get me.”

He retorted, “I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”

This is what they call, “a senior moment.”

……………….

· Testing Sons-in-law

An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her three sons-in-law. One a fine day, she was walking along a lake shore with the first son-in-law.

Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help. The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.

The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wording, “Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!”

Another day she went out with her second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell in the lake and started yelling for help. The second son-in-law, too, jumped into the water and dragged her out, onto the shore.

The next day he found a brand new E-Class Mercedes at his doorstep with the wording, “Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!”

The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy got scared and ran away without offering any help to her. The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

The next day the third son-in-law was surprised to see a new brand new Rolls-Royce waiting at his doorsteps with the following wording, “Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law!”
Source….unknown….input from a friend of mine
Natarajan

Joke of the Day….” Is there a problem officer …” ?

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A woman driver is speeding along the highway, when suddenly she gets stopped by a police car which instructs her to pull over.
Woman: “Is there a problem, Officer?”
Officer: “Ma’am, you were speeding.”
Woman: “Oh, I see.”
Officer: “Can I see your license please?”
Woman: “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”cop
Officer: “Don’t have one?”
Woman: “Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.”
Officer: “I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”
Woman: “I can’t do that.”
Officer: “Why not?”
Woman: “I stole this car.”
Officer: “Stole it?”
Woman: “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”
Officer: “You what?”
Woman: “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.”
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Sargent: “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!”
woman wondering
The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: “Is there a problem sir?”

Sargent: “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
Woman: “Murdered the owner?”
Sargent: “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.”
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Sargent: “Is this your car, ma’am?”
Woman: “Yes, here are the registration papers.”
The first officer is stunned.
Sargent: “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Sargent: “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.”
Woman: “I bet the bastard will say I was speeding too.”
Images courtesy of: Naypong, David Castillo Dominici / freedigitalphotos.net
Source…..www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan

Tipu, His Cycle and Daadi. This Story Will Make You Smile…..

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Tipu, His Cycle and Daadi. This Story Will Make You Smile

mage Courtesy: Screengrab taken from YouTube video uploaded by Abbott

In case you’re still wondering whether you should pick up that musical instrument and finally learn how to play it, or read that book you’ve been putting off for later, or even take time out to go travelling, this daadi should be your inspiration.

A lovely new video on YouTube, featuring said daadi and her adorable pota Tipu, will help nudge you towards the goals you’ve shelved for far too long.

The video begins by showing daadi checking the tyre on her grandson’s bicycle. Tipu, meanwhile, has sabotaged the cycle by puncturing the tyre and seems to be avoiding daadi.

When daadi finally gets a hold of him, she drags him out for a bike ride.

“Daadi, please nahi,” he says, walking the cycle. “Arrey tu chal chup chap… darpok kahin ka,” she dismisses him.

“Girne se bahut chot lagegi,” he tries to argue. “Kuch nahi hoga, buddhu, main keh rahin hoon na,” she reassures him.

He tries a few more excuses, none of which hold up against the determined daadi. She ultimately wins this tussle and the coolest thing happens.

We’ll let you watch the video to see what actually transpires between the daadi, pota and their little bicycle. Trust us, you will not be disappointed.

https://youtu.be/-brBg6VoiDo
Source….www.ndtv.com and http://www.you tube.com
Natarajan

Joke of the Day…” What about all this Money …” ?

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A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a locked chest on top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the chest, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
chest
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the chest and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the chest. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the chest. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the other dolls.‘
Source…..www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan

Joke of the Day….” Can i Come with him tomorrow…”?

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An old, tired-looking dog wanders into a man’s gated yard one day. The man is a dog lover, so he lets him in. He examines the dog’s collar and feels his well-fed belly, coming to the conclusion that the dog has a home.
The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and immediately falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tail and leaves.
dog
The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep.
After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tail and leaves.
This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog’s collar: “Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day.”
The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with four children — he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”
“Can I come with him tomorrow?‘
Source….www.ba-bamail,com
natarajan

1947-ல் கூகிள், யூடியூப், ஃபேஸ் புக்……!!!

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ஃபேஸ் புக், வாட்ஸ் அப் போன்ற சோஷியல் மீடியாவின் காலம் இது. ஏதாவது ஒண்ணு நடந்தா போதும் அடுத்த நொடியே அது தொடர்பான கலாய்ப்புகள் சமூக மீடியாவை நிறைத்துவிடுகின்றன. இப்பவே இப்படி இருந்தால் நாடு விடுதலை அடைவதற்கு முன்னதாகவே இந்த இணையம் வளர்ச்சி பெற்றிருந்தால் எப்படி இருந்திருக்கும்? இப்போது முன்னணியில் இருக்கும் ஃபேஸ்புக், வாட்ஸ் அப், ஃபிளிப்கார்ட், இன்ஸ்டாகிராம், கூகுள் போன்ற பல தளங்கள் அந்தக் காலத்திலேயே அறிமுகமாகியிருந்தால் எப்படி இருந்திருக்கும்? நினைக்கவே சுவாரசியமாக இருக்கிறதா?

இந்த எண்ணமே சுவாரசியம் தருவதால்தான் இந்த ஐடியாவை அடிப்படையாகக் கொண்டு, சுதந்திரத்துக்கு முன்னரே இணையம் வந்திருந்தால் எப்படி இருந்திருக்கும் என யோசித்திருக்கிறது இன்1947 என்னும் விளம்பர நிறுவனம். அப்போது இந்த இணையங்களில் எல்லாம் என்ன நடந்திருக்கும் என்று கற்பனை மவுஸைத் தட்டி யோசித்திருக்கிறார்கள். கூகுளில் எதைத் தேடியிருப்பார்கள், யூடியூபில் எந்தப் படத்தை அதிகம் பார்த்திருப்பார்கள், அன்று ஐஆர்டிசி வெப்சைட்டில் நிலை எப்படி இருந்திருக்கும்… இப்படி ஒவ்வொன்று குறித்தும் சுவாரசியமான கிரியேடிவ் டிசைன்களை உருவாக்கியுள்ளது அந்நிறுவனம்.

அவற்றை வசீகரமான படங்களாகக் கொண்ட ஒரு ஆல்பத்தை உருவாக்கித் தனது ஃபேஸ்புக் பக்கத்தில் பதிவிட்டது இன்1947. இதற்கு பெருவாரியான வரவேற்பு கிடைத்திருக்கிறது. ஆயிரக்கணக்கானோர் இந்தப் பக்கத்தை விரும்பியதுடன் சகட்டுமேனிக்கு ஷேர் செய்து தங்கள் சந்தோஷத்தை மற்றவர்களுடன் பகிர்ந்துகொண்டார்கள். அந்தப் படங்களில் சில இங்கே இடம்பெற்றிருக்கின்றன.

முழு ஆல்பத்தையும் காண: https://goo.gl/H0auG2

Source….www.tamil.thehindu.com

Natarajan

Jokes for the Day… Whole Day You Will Laugh …!!!

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With no malice or prejudice towards any one!

Today is Jim’s birthday,
so his wife decides to surprise him, she takes him to a Strip Club.

At the club –

DOORMAN: Hey Jim! How are you? Smiling face with smiling eyes

WIFE: How does he know you? Pouting face

JIM: We play Golf together! Disappointed but relieved face

BARTENDER: The usual beer Jim? Smiling face with smiling eyes

WIFE: And how does he know you? Pouting face

JIM: He’s on the Bowling Team! Face with open mouth and cold sweat

HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jim?

The Wife storms out…… dragging Jim with her, into a taxi! Face with look of triumph 🚖

TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jimmy boy….You picked an ugly one this time…Same Hotel? Flushed faceFlushed face

Smiling face with open mouth and tightly closed eyesSmiling face with open mouth and tightly closed eyesSmiling face with open mouth and tightly closed eyes

Today is Jim’s funeral. 

………………..

n a ladies KITTY PARTY MEETING :
The host asked a question !
When did u last say I LOVE YOU to your husbands ??
One said..today..
other said…2 days back…..someone said…1 week back…

Host said ” Now, all of u send  I LOVE YOU .. SMS to your husbands.                                                          Whoever gets AWESOME reply will get a SURPRISE GIFT..”.

Everyone sent I LOVE U msgs to their husbands.

After sometime, HUSBANDs’ replies are as below…..

1) SWEETY…. Is your health condition Ok??? Face with stuck-out tongue and tightly closed eyesFace with stuck-out tongue and tightly closed eyesFace with stuck-out tongue and tightly closed eyesFace with stuck-out tongue and tightly closed eyes

2) Haven’t you cooked today too?Smiling face with smiling eyesSmiling face with smiling eyes

3) Darling, are you out of balance for money given for home maintenance?

4) What is the matter??

5) Are you dreaming or am I?

6)Did you like someone’s Jewelry in the function you attended today?RingSmiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes

7) I am already tensed up in Office and now you are sending msgs like this… do u have brain?? Disappointed but relieved faceDisappointed but relieved faceDisappointed but relieved faceDisappointed but relieved face

8) How many times did I tell you not to watch those serials ?? 😛😛😛

9) Oho..did you meet with an accident again? Flushed faceFlushed faceFlushed faceFlushed faceFlushed face

10) Should I pick kids from school today also?? 😀😀😀😀

and last one who won SURPRISE GIFT, msg is……..

11) who is this sending msg from my wife’s mobile???

Flushed faceFlushed face..Man and woman holding handsPerson with folded handsPerson with folded handsPerson with folded hands dont laugh alone pass it on.

………………….

I don’t think you will stop laughing at this one..??
Face with tears of joyFace with tears of joyFace with tears of joyFace with tears of joy

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.

The man agreed and said to the car…
Car, go and bring my children from school.

The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.

Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.

He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station.

As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said… “These are your children sir..!”

In the car were their Landlady’s two daughters, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, his secretary’s son and their neighbour’s two sons.

The Wife said in full angerPouting face…
Don’t tell me all these are your children..??

The man asked her calmly…
First you tell me why our children are not in the car..Pouting facePouting facePouting face??

Source…input from a friend of mine

Natarajan

“கடி” தான் ….இருந்தாலும் சிரிக்கலாமே ….!!!

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ஒரு தலைக்கு கட்டிங் செஞ்சா பத்து தலைக்கு இலவசம்னு அந்த சலூன்ல போட்டிருந்தாங்களே போய்ப்பாத்தியா?

பத்து தலையும் ஒரே உடம்புல இருக்கணுமாம்.

பிச்சக்காரன்: ‘பணம் சம்பாதிக்க ஆயிரம் வழிகள்’ என்ற புத்தகத்தை எழுதியது நான் தான்
.
ஒருத்தன்: பிறகு ஏன் பிச்சை எடுக்கிறாய்..?
பிச்சக்காரன்: அந்த ஆயிரம் வழிகளில் இதுதான் முதல் வழி..

 

“தலைவரே என்ன யோசனை…?”

“மெட்ரோ ரயிலை மறியல் பண்ண முடியுமா…முடியாதா…?”

“தலை எல்லாம் பாரமா இருக்கு… காது ரெண்டும் அடைக்குது டாக்டர்…!!”

“மொதல்ல உங்க ஹெல்மெட்டைக் கழட்டிட்டுப் பேசுங்க…!!

டாக்டர் : உங்க மாமாவுக்கு, உடல் எடை குறைய ஒருமாதம் நடக்கணும்னு சொன்னேனே, இப்ப எப்படி இருக்காரு?

மற்றவர்: இப்போ தான் திருச்சி பக்கமா நடந்து போய்க்கிட்டிருக்கேன்னு ஃபோன் பண்ணிச் சொல்றாரு சார்..!

ஒருவர்: எவ்வளவுதான் விலைவாசி உயர்ந்தாலும் “சீப்’பாத்தான் வியாபாரம் செய்வேன்னு சொல்றீங்களே… நஷ்டம் வராதா..?

மற்றவர்: நான் செய்யறது வாழைப்பழ வியாபாரம்..!

வெள்ளிக்கிழமை
என் அம்மா வெள்ளிக் கிழமை மட்டும்தான் வறுவல் பண்ணுவாங்க!

ஏன் அப்படி?

அன்னைக்குத் தானே “ஃப்ரை” டே!”

Source….input from a friend of mine

Natarajan