humour

Joke for the Day…” Liver alone Cheese mine…” !!!

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering all over themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”

Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says…  “Liver alone. Cheese mine.” !!!

Source…….www.ba-bamail.com

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joke of the day…” Every one is Fine …” !!!

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An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits at the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.  When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies: “Well, you see, I have two brothers.  One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin.  When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together.  So I drink one for each me brothers and one for me self.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints.  All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs.  “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.  But it hasn’t affected me brothers though.”

Source….www.ba-bamail.com

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Joke for the Day…” This little boy has to answer his owner…” !!!

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A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs on it. He hit a stone and fell down along with the cycle. .
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The eggs also fell down and broke. A crowd gathered around the boy..
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As usual free advice started flowing from the on lookers
“Couldn’t you be more careful?”
“What is this, you are cycling , casually without attention?” .
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An old man approached the crowd , saw what had happened and said
“Poor fellow this boy has to answer the Owner of the shop . Ok I will help him , as much as I can”……
saying this handed over Rs10/- to the boy.
And also said “These onlookers are good people, they will not only give advice, they will help you
by giving money also, accept their help”. .
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The onlookers, observing the sayings of the old man and his actions, gave money to the boy. .
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The boy was very happy, since the money collected was more than the value of the eggs broken.
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One of the onlookers asked the boy “young man if that old man was not around , I do not know
what difficulties you would have faced with your owner”
The boy smiled and replied “Sir ,that old man is the owner of the shop where I work ….!!!
Source…unknown…….input from a friend of mine
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joke of the Day…” Wait…I am putting on my shoes …” !!!

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A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing anything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.”

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate!  All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away. The counter-tops have been cleaned and the appliances are sparkling. Even the floor was waxed.  He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.  The carpet has been vacuumed, the furniture cleaned and dusted and the pillows on the sofa plumped. It even watered the plants.

centipede

The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door.   10 minutes later…no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede.  30 minutes later… no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what’s going on.  The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes.  45 minutes later… still no centipede!

He can’t imagine what could have happened.  Did the centipede run away?  Did it get run over by a car?  Where is that centipede?  So he goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “

“I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”

Source….www.ba-bamail.com

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Just for your Laugh …. Start Your day with a Smile !!!

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A little girl comes back home from school and tells her mom:

“Mommy, today I got punished for something I didn’t even do!”
“What?! What do you mean?” Her mother says, angry, “I’m going to call your teacher right now! What is it you didn’t do?”
“My homework.“
 ………………………….
A rich businessman walks down the street when he spots an old man sitting with a fishing rod next to a puddle, trying to fish.
The businessman takes pity on the old deranged man, and invites him to lunch at the coffee shop close by.
After the meal, the businessman asks him with a smile: “So? Did you catch any fish today?”
“Sure did,” answers the old man, “You’re my third one.“
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Mark spent a year in an asylum, thinking he was a mouse. After intensive therapy, he was released.  10 minutes later he appears back inside as if all hell broke loose.
“What happened to you??” Asked his surprised doctor.
“There’s a cat outside!” screams Mark.
“But Mark, I thought you got better! You know you’re not a mouse!” Cried the doctor.
“I do!” Exclaims Mark, “but he doesn’t know that!“
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Teacher: “Daniel, if you had a dollar in your hand and you asked your dad for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in your hand?”
Daniel: “A dollar.”
Teacher: “Daniel, apparently you don’t know math…”
Daniel: “Apparently you don’t know my dad.“
Source…..www.ba-bamail.com
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jokes for the Day……

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An accountant and his neighbor went to the Natural History museum one day. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: “This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old”. “Where did you get this exact information?” “I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.”

 

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Judi went to a “Dude Ranch” on vacation. The cowboy
preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or
English saddle.
Judi asked what the difference was.
“Well, one has a horn and the other doesn’t.”
“Just get the one without the horn. I don’t think
we’ll run into too much traffic out here.”

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Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”
“I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.
“Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour
in the morning and again at night.”
“No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”
“Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”

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A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him: God, how long is a million years to you? God answered: A million years is like a minute.Then the man askedGod, how much is a million dollars to you? And God replied: A million dollars is like a penny. Finally, the man asked:God, could you give me a penny? And God said, “In a minute.

………….

Source……….www.jokes.siliconindia.com

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” This kid’s cheeky exam answer is so good it’s taken the internet by storm…” !!!

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“This kid is going places. But not in a tornado, he’s too smart for that.”

A CHEEKY pupil won over the internet after answering an exam question in the most literal way possible.

The student, who is believed to be from the US, had to answer the question “In your opinion, which location would be the most dangerous during a tornado?”

The question then instructed the clever student to “circle one” of the options, which included “In school”, “At a park” and “In a store”.

The clever student took the question very literally, choosing the instruction to “circle one” as the answer.

The kid went on to explain his answer, saying “it is way to dangerous to circle a tornado”.

The child’s response to the exam question. Picture: Imgur

The child’s response to the exam question. Picture: ImgurSource:Supplied

The answer was posted to image-sharing site Imgur by Patsfan94, where it was applauded by users and quickly gained over 2.3 million views.

One Imgur user commented: “This kid is going places. But not in a tornado, he’s too smart for that.”

Another user was full of anticipation to see what the kid would answer for the next exam question, saying “I want to see what he wrote for the tongue twister.”

Other users commented to ask what the actual answer should be, with the park option the most popular choice for commenters.

This article originally appeared on The Sun.

Source….www.news.com.au

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“These Honest and Powerful Illustrations Show The Problem of Our Modern Life ” !

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https://i0.wp.com/interrete.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/905405-650-1449047608-sarcasm3.jpg

Jean Jullien is a renounced French illustrator currently living in London. His favorite subject is the ways in which modern society’s increasing dependence on phones and social networks is often interpreted mistakenly as signs of a real connection between people.What makes Jean’s work so wonderful is the rich does of irony and sarcasm he adds to every illustrations.

We put together some of his best illustrations that really make us think about many of the absurdities of our urban society  and our way of life — above all, about how much we depend on all this fancy, yet alienating, technology. Maybe it’s time to put down your iPad and start a real conversation instead?

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Source………www.stumbleupon.com

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Joke of the Day….

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 This is AMAZING!!! 
I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. I always thought it had to be determined biologically or by medical examination by experts.
Until now. 
Below are two birds. Study them closely. See if you can determine which of the two is the female.  It CAN be done! Even by one with limited bird watching skills!
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bird gender
Send this to all of the men you know, who could do with a good laugh!!
And to all women who have a great sense of humor…
Source…www.ba-bamail.com
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” “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” !!!

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This wonderful video reminds me of an old saying: “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

Arman Foisy was driving his 101-year-old mother into town when she asked him to pull over to the side of the road. When she hopped out of the car, she started playing in the snow, making a snowball and giggling all the while.

This is proof that if you find pure joy in the simple things, you can live for more than 100 happy years!

Source….. DECEMBER 2, 2015  —  By Binny Gudjonsson in http://www.viralnova.com

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