Joke of the Day…” Are You OK …” ?

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said “Are you OK? I’m so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me.”

taxi

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, “I didn’t realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly.”

The driver replied, “No, no, I’m the one who is sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for 25 years.”

Source…..www.ba-bamail.com

Natarajan

Joke of the Day…. ” They can not trace us …” !!!

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.”
“Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oy, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?”
Abe answers, “Our problems are over, there’s no way they won’t find us now!
Source…..www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan

Laughter ….The Best medicine …!!!

An engineering student attended a medical exam by mistake.  See his answers… the last one is ROFL
1. Antibody – One who hates his body .

2. Artery – Study of Fine Paintings .

3. Bacteria – Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma – Punctuation

6. Genes – Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain – Hurt at Work .

8. Liposuction – A French Kiss .

9. Ultrasound – Radical Sound .

10. Cardiology – Advanced Study of Playing Cards …..

11. dyspepsia : difficulty in drinking Pepsi.

12.Chicken Pox- A dish

13.CT Scan: Test for identifying person’s city

14.Radiology- the study of how Radio works

15.parotitis : inflammation of parrot

16. Urology: the study of European people

Source….input from a friend of mine
Natarajan

“Smile…It makes people wonder what you are thinking….”

Even if it its repeated …. Read with a Smile for a Good Laugh !!!””

And Start your day with a Big Smile ….

 

 

 

A good 30 laughs – Dilbert’s one liners :
Old Classics

🔺 I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.
🔺 A friend in need is a pest indeed.
🔺 Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
🔺 Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
🔺 When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
🔺 The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
🔺 Born free, taxed to death.
🔺 Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
🔺 Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
🔺 Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
🔺 It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
🔺 I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork..
🔺 A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
🔺 The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
🔺 The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
🔺 In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
🔺 Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
🔺 If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
🔺 It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
🔺 I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
🔺 Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
🔺 The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
🔺 Someday is not a day of the week
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
🔺 The road to success…. Is always under construction.
🔺 Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
🔺 In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it !!!
Source…input from a friend of mine
natarajan

Joke of the Day….” Who Washes his Face …” ?

Bill, a fresh computer graduate from a world-class University, goes for an interview in a software company.

The interviewer is Steve, a grubby old man. And the first question he asks Bill is, `Are you good at logic?’

`Of course,’ replies Bill.

`Let me test you,’ replies Steve. `Two men come down a chimney. One comes with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one would wash his face?’

Bill stares at Steve. `Is that a test in Logic?’ Steve nods.

`The one with the dirty face washes his face’, Bill answers wearily.

`Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes his face.’

`Hmm. I never thought of that,” says Bill. `Give me another test.’

Steve holds up two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?’

`We have already established that. The one with the clean face washes his face.’

`Wrong. Each one washes one’s face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes his face. When the one with the dirty face sees the one with the clean face washing his face, he also washes his face. So each one washes one’s face.’

`I didn’t think of that!’ says Bill. `It’s shocking to me that I could make an error in logic. Test me again!’

Steve holds up two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?’

`Each one washes his face.’

`Wrong. Neither one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean too. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty too. But when the one with clean face sees that the one with the dirty face doesn’t wash his face, he assumes it is because the dirty face guy is seeing his clean face so he doesn’t wash his face either. So neither one washes his face.’

Bill is desperate. `I am qualified for this job. Please give me one more test!’

He groans when Steve lifts his two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?’

`Neither one washes his face’, Bill replies, `I have learnt this logic.’

`Wrong, again. Do you now see, Bill, why programming knowledge is insufficient for this job? Tell me, how is it possible for two men to come down the same chimney at the same time, and for one to come out with a clean face and the other with a dirty face? Don’t you see the flaw in the premise?'”

Source…unknown….input from a friend of mine

Natarajan

 

Joke of the Day….” Over Smart Pug….” !!!

A rich man decided to go on a vacation . He took his faithful pet pug along for company. One day, the pug starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering around, he notices a tiger heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The pug thinks, “I’m in trouble!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the tiger is about to leap, the pug exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious tiger. I wonder if there are any more around here!”
poodle
Hearing this, the tiger halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” grunts the tiger. “That was close. That weird creature nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the tiger. So, off he goes.
But the pug saw him heading after the tiger with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the tiger, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the tiger. The tiger, furious at being made a fool of, says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving little thing.”
Now the pug sees the tiger coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… and, just when they get close enough to hear, the pug says: “Where’s that darn monkey? I sent him off over an hour ago to bring me another tiger!”
When he turned around… he was alone.!!!!!
Source….www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan

“Can people actually cash those big novelty checks”….?

A Novelty

Though cashing a check is a relatively simple affair from the cashier’s perspective, the work on the back end is remarkably sophisticated and involves an amazing amount of automated technology and travel for the checks.

With this in mind, it’s clear why virtually all checks come in fairly uniform sizes and designs- it’s just easier for everyone involved that way.  However, even with this, several million checks are sorted through by hand every single year (usually due to them being rejected by a machine for some reason or another); this costs banks money, so is obviously something they are very keen to cut down on.

This might make you think cashing a giant novelty check would be a no-no. However, legally, there’s nothing stopping you from writing a check on, well, anything, such as a napkin, and then sending it to someone you hate.

For instance, according to Brian Black, onetime managing director of operations and technology at the Bank Administration Institute,

 

It [a check] has to contain certain features, and it can be written on anything,  as long as it has the elements, the surface doesn’t make a difference. A check is an order to pay someone, that’s all it is.

So if a novelty check has all the needed information (the amount to be paid; the payer and payee names; the account number; the name of the bank where the payer has the account and what state the bank is in; the payer’s signature, and the date the check was written), there’s no legal reason it can’t be cashed. But, of course, there are practical reasons you wouldn’t want to try. As such, alternate means of transferring the money is used. For instance, a spokeswoman for iWon online sweepstakes, Samantha Better, said that their winners are also given regular sized checks for their own convenience that they can cash instead. She went on to note that most opt to keep their giant check as a souvenir rather than go through the hassle of actually trying to cash it. In other cases, funds are simply transferred directly from account to account, rather than messing with any physical check cashing.

All that being said, many banks have small print in their terms stating that they can reject any non-standard payments. So while the giant novelty checks are technically legal and valid to cash if they’ve got all the needed information, those banks can, if they choose, reject them. Unfortunately for the novelty of it all, when banks do accept them, they don’t send the giant checks off in comically large envelopes. Rather, they simply take the check, then write all the relevant information down and send it off for further processing that way.

Bonus Fact:

Since you almost certainly clicked this to read about someone cashing a stupid check, we want to tell you about, Patrick Combs. The man who, upon receiving a junk-mail check for a little over $95,000, endorsed it with a smiley face and then cashed it. To his surprise, his bank accidentally honored it. Amazingly, because the bank failed to retract their error within 24 hours of the check bouncing, all $95,000+ was legally his. Since the check wasn’t valid, it came out of the bank’s pocket.

When word of Patrick’s hilarious feat of getting one over on his bank hit the news, some of the finest legal minds in banking joined the argument, on Patrick’s side. Essentially, Patrick was home free and in full, legal possession of $95,000 of the bank’s money. Of course, this didn’t stop the bank from having their head of security threaten him, trying to get him to give the money back. But Patrick knew the law was on his side on this one and had fun with it, telling the security officer,

“Give me a letter on official bank stationery stating that you are who you say you are, that you indeed work for the bank, and also put in that letter the reason why the bank is requesting the money back, as I’m a little confused on that. When I get that letter, we’ll go from there.”

The security officer refused, apparently calling Combs several choice names in the process.

Despite the threats, which actually made him less inclined to give the money back, and that at the time he had about $45,000 in credit-card debt, Patrick eventually decided to return the money.  He had meant it as a joke and didn’t actually want to take any money from anyone, not the bank or even the junk mailer who had sent it to him.

He didn’t come off too badly over the thing, though. To this day, he’s still riding the coattails of the story to make a  living in his 75 minute Man 1, Bank 0 stage show.  He was even once hired to perform the show at a major banker’s conference.  Presumably this functions as something of a campfire horror story at banking executive retreats.

Source….www.todayifoundout.com

Natarajan

 

Joke of the Day…” Would you like to buy a tie …” ?

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desperation when suddenly, he sees something far off in the distance. Hoping against hope that it is water, he starts running towards what he thinks is an oasis, only to find a little old man with a little stand, full of ties.

‘Hey you, do you have water?’ Pants the criminal.
The old man replied, ‘I have already finished my water, but would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.
The criminal, frustrated shouted, ‘you moron! Do I look like I need a tie? I should kill you right here, but I have to find some water first!”
There’s no call for threats,’ said the old tie seller indignantly, ‘but even though you don’t want to buy one of my ties and you treat me like this, I’ll help you. If you continue over that hill for about 3 miles, you’ll find a restaurant with great food and all the ice cold water you can drink. Good luck!
Muttering in disgust, the criminal staggered away over the hill. Several hours later the other man sees him crawling on the dune back towards him. When he finally arrives, he lays on his back, panting.
Everything ok?” Asked the tie salesman as he bends over to hear the raspy whisper of the other man.
They won’t let me in without a tie…
Source….www.ba-bamail.com
Natarajan

படித்து ரசித்தது ….துணுக்கு துளிகள் …

‘சிரிக்கத் தெரிந்த மனமே’ நூலிலிருந்து:

தமிழ்க்கடல் ராய.சொக்கலிங்கம் நடத்தி வந்த, ‘ஊழியன்’ பத்திரிகை, சுதந்திர போராட்ட காலத்தில், மக்களிடம் செல்வாக்கு பெற்று விளங்கியது.
‘ஊழியன்’ பத்திரிகையில் உதவி ஆசிரியர் வேலைக்கு, புதுமைப்பித்தனை அனுப்பி வைத்தார் எழுத்தாளர் வ.ரா., புதுமைப்பித்தன் அப்பத்திரிகையில் பணியாற்றி வரும் போது, ஆசிரியர் குழுவில் முக்கியமானவராக இருந்த
ஈ. சிவம் என்பவர், புதுமைப்பித்தனுடன் அடிக்கடி சச்சரவு செய்து வந்தார். அதனால், ‘ஊழியன்’ பத்திரிகையை விட்டு விலகினார் புதுமைப்பித்தன்.
சில நாட்கள் சென்றபின், வ.ரா.,வும், புதுமைப்பித்தனும் சந்தித்துக் கொண்டனர். புதுமைப்பித்தனின் ராஜினாமா விஷயத்தை முன்பே அறிந்திருந்த வ.ரா., ‘என்ன புதுமைப்பித்தன்… ஈ.சிவம் எப்படியிருக்கிறார்?’ என்று கேட்டார்.
‘அவர் ஈ.சிவம் இல்லை; எறும்பு சிவம். என்னைக் அறுத்துத் தள்ளி விட்டார்…’ என்றார் புதுமைப்பித்தன்.

‘உலக மேதைகள்’ என்ற நூலிலிருந்து: பிரபல எழுத்தாளர் மார்க் டுவைன் தன் பக்கத்து வீட்டுக் காரரிடம் பேசிக் கொண்டிருந்த போது, அவரது மேஜை மீது இருந்த புத்தகத்தை பார்த்து, ‘இந்தப் புத்தகத்தை இரவல் தருகிறீர்களா… படித்து விட்டு தருகிறேன்…’ என்று கேட்டார்.
அதற்கு அந்த நண்பர், ‘புத்தகங்களை நான் இரவல் கொடுக்கிறதில்ல; இந்தப் புத்தகத்தை நீங்க அவசியம் படிக்கணும்ன்னு தோன்றினால், என் வீட்டிலேயே உட்கார்ந்து படித்து விட்டுப் போங்கள்…’ என்றார்.
மனவருத்தப்பட்டார் டுவைன். ஆனால், வெளிப் படுத்திக் கொள்ளவில்லை. சில நாட்களுக்கு பின், டுவைன் வீட்டிற்கு வந்த அந்த நண்பர், ‘நண்பரே… உம்முடைய மண்வெட்டியை இரவல் கொடுங்கள்; என் வீட்டுத் தோட்டத்தில் மண்ணை வெட்டிப் பண்படுத்தி விட்டு திருப்பித் தருகிறேன்…’ என்று கேட்டார்.
‘மண் வெட்டியை நான் பிறருக்கு கடன் கொடுப்பதில்லை; உங்களுக்கு அவசியம் என்று தோன்றினால், என் மண்வெட்டியைக் கொண்டு, என் வீட்டுத் தோட்டத்து மண்ணை வெட்டிப் பண்படுத்துங்கள்…’ என்றார் மார்க் டுவைன்.

தமிழறிஞர்கள்’ நூலிலிருந்து: பண்டிதமணி கதிரேசன் செட்டியாருக்கு ஒரு பிரமுகர், விருந்தளித்தார். விருந்து முடிவில், ஒரு தம்ளரில் பால் தரப்பட்டது. பாலை வாங்கிய பண்டிதமணி அதை உற்று கவனித்து, ‘திருப்பாற் கடலில், எவ்வளவு அழகாக சீனிவாசன் துயில் கொள்கிறான்!’ என்றார்.
விருத்தளித்தவர், பால் தம்ளரை வாங்கிப் பார்த்தார். அப்போது தான், பண்டிதமணி சொன்னதன் உண்மை விளங்கிற்று. ‘சீனி’ (சர்க்கரை)யில் வாசம் செய்யக் கூடியது எறும்பு என்பதால், சீனிவாசன் என்று குறிப்பிட்டு, அது, பாலில் மிதக்கிறது என்பதை, பண்டிதமணி நயமாகக் கூறியதை ரசித்தார் அவர்.

‘தெரிந்து கொள் தம்பி’ நூலிலிருந்து: ஆகாய விமானத்தைக் கண்டு பிடித்த, ‘ரைட்’ சகோதரர்கள், ஒரு விருந்துக்கு அழைக்கப் பட்டிருந்தனர். பல அறிவியல் அறிஞர்கள், பொறியியல் நிபுணர்கள் அங்கு வந்திருந்தனர். விருந்துக்கு தலைமை வகித்தவர், ‘அடுத்து, நம் ரைட் சகோதரர்களில் மூத்தவரான, வில்பர் ரைட் தங்கள் சாதனைகள் குறித்துப் பேசுவார்…’ என்று அறிவித்தார்.
வில்பர் எழுந்து, ‘ஒரு தவறு நேர்ந்து விட்டது; என் தம்பி ஆர்வில் ரைட் தான் நன்றாக சொற்பொழிவாற்றத் தெரிந்தவன். எனக்குப் பேசக் தெரியாது…’ என்று கூறி அமர்ந்து விட்டார்.
தலைமை வகித்தவர், ஆர்வில் ரைட்டை அழைத்து, பேசும்படி கூறினார். அவர் ஒலிபெருக்கி முன் வந்து, ‘என் அண்ணன் வில்பர் ரைட் அற்புதமாகப் பேசிவிட்ட பின், நான் பேசுவதற்கு என்ன இருக்கிறது…’ என்று கூறி அமர்ந்து விட்டார்.

Source….தி்ண்ணை!….www.dinamalar.com

Natarajan