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” Well Crafted Lines Lined up For You for a Good Laugh ” !!!

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Modern comedians are great for many types of comedy. But there were times, before we got addicted to visual jokes, that a well crafted line was all you needed to get a good laugh. And throughout the ages, there have been some really good ones. Here are some of our favorites!

“The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good … spit it out.“

Unknown

 

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning, and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.”

George Burns

 

“Santa Claus has the right idea … visit people only once a year.”

Victor Borge

 

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

Mark Twain

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.”

Mark Twain

 

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher

Socrates

 

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

Groucho Marx

 

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”

Jimmy Durante

 

“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.”

Jilly Cooper

 

“I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.”

“I was always a good housekeeper. Whenever I divorced I always kept the house.”

Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

“Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.”

Alex Levine

 

“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”

Ed Furgol

 

“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”

Spike Milligan

 

“I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.”

Mark Twain

 

“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”

Herbert Henry Asquith

 

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”

Bob Hope

 

“A woman drove me to drink … and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her.”

W C Fields

 

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth, or the fourteenth.”

George Burns

 

“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation… As you grow older, it will avoid you.”

Unknown

 

Doctor to patient: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.”

Unknown

 

“By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.”

Unknown

 

source:::ba-ba mail site

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Fate of MH 370… Finally….

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Malaysian authories are assuming beyond a reasonable doubt that the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 has been lost in the Southern Indian Ocean, according to South China Morning Post reporter Danny Lee.

 

NBC News reports that Malaysia Airlines sent a text message to the relatives of the 239 passengers who were on board the plane saying “we have to assume beyond any reasonable doubt that MH370 has been lost and that none of those on board have survived. … We must now accept all evidence that  suggest the plane went down in the Southern Indian Ocean.”

Malaysia Prime Minister Najib Razak will announce the new developments at a press conference on Monday.

The U.S. Navy is now flying a black box detector to the area in hopes of recovering the cockpit voice recorder and flight data recorder. A U.S. Navy plane flying over the possible debris field detected two or three faint radar hits, according to NBC News reporter Bill Neely.

Families of the MH370 passengers are taking charter flights to Australia tonight, according to Sky News.

Both Chinese and Australian aircraft have spotted possible debris in the Indian Ocean. The Boeing 777 plane went missing on March 8 during a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. There were 239 people on board.

Military radar shows that the plane reportedly changed altitutde and dropped to about 12,000 feet after making a sharp turn off its planned flight path, CNN reports.

This could point to the pilots trying to save the plane after something catastrophic happened – dropping to a low altitude is a procedure pilots use when the plane loses pressure. Getting down to a low altitude can save passengers on board because there’s enough air in the atmosphere to keep everyone alive.

 

Here’s The Text Message Malaysia Airlines Sent To The

Families Of The Lost Passengers…

View image on Twitter

 

source::::Business Insider India

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Message for the Day…” Never Give up God …”

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As long as you are in this world, you must follow your duties sincerely. You must respect your parents and teachers, take care of your spouse and children. These are our worldly duties that must be performed sincerely. At times, you may have to disobey others for the sake of God. There is nothing wrong in doing so, provided you have truly established your relationship with the Divine. Meera, Prahlada, Bharatha, have all tread this path and have disobeyed worldly commands out of genuine love for God, for the sake of God. When you have God by your side, who gives you everything, why do you bother about other worldly aspects? When you have a wish fulfilling tree, why do you go elsewhere? Never give up God. You must be ready to do anything for Him. Your focus and whole hearted effort must be to attain God.

 

Sathya Sai Baba

Message For the Day…” Need For Transformation …”

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No object can be enjoyed without undergoing the process of transformation and refinement (Samskara). Take the example of paddy. The paddy that is grown and harvested in the field cannot be consumed as such. It has to be converted into rice through the process of winnowing and thrashing. Once the process is complete, the value of the original paddy increases significantly. The process of transformation makes the object more useful and valuable. The utility value of cotton when spun and transformed into cloth is significantly higher, thanks to the transformation process. Take the example of gold. Again, there is a significant increase in its value when it is transformed to the shiny yellow metal, from its original form in the gold mine. Such being the case, how much more necessary it is for the human being to be transformed?

 Sathya Sai Baba

Image of the Day…

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Saturn’s largest and second-largest moons

The Cassini spacecraft captured this image on June 16, 2011. These are two of Saturn’s moons – the largest moon Titan and second-largest moon Rhea.

Saturn's largest and second largest moons, Titan and Rhea, appear to be stacked on top of each other in this true-color scene from NASA's Cassini spacecraft. Image via NASA/JPL-Caltech/Space Science Institute.

Saturn’s largest and second largest moons, Titan and Rhea, appear to be stacked on top of each other in this true-color scene from NASA’s Cassini spacecraft. Image via NASA/JPL-Caltech/Space Science Institute.

Titan’s north polar hood can be seen. It’s 3,200 miles (5,150 kilometers) across. The hood appears as a detached layer at the top of the moon on the top right.

This view looks toward the Saturn-facing side of Rhea (949 miles or 1528 kilometers across). North on Rhea is up and rotated 35 degrees to the right.

Images taken using red, green and blue spectral filters were combined to create this natural-color view. The images were acquired with the Cassini spacecraft narrow-angle camera on June 16, 2011, at a distance of approximately 1.1 million miles (1.8 million kilometers) from Rhea and 1.5 million miles (2.5 million kilometers) from Titan. Image scale is 7 miles (11 kilometers) per pixel on Rhea and 9 miles (15 kilometers) on Titan.

Via NASA

SOURCE:::: earth sky news site

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Joke of the Day …” It is not Porsche …It is BMW…” !!!

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A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.” The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal.” So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner asks, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.” The hobo says, “Thank you very much, sir. But there’s something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porsche you got there. It’s a BMW..”  

source:::: joke a day.com

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Message for the Day…” Master Your Mind and Become a Mastermind …”

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We think that we are weak. Thinking in this manner is a big mistake. We are not weak. There is no one who is as powerful as a human being. Despite being powerful, people are afraid of many things. They are even afraid or worried about small ailments. Why this fear? Why is a person afraid? This is due to an inherent mistake. If there is no error or mistake, there will be no fear. That mistake is to think and act such that ‘we are the body’. We are not this body. Body, mind, senses and intelligence are instruments and you are the Master. Master your mind and become a mastermind. Enquire into the activities of your daily life and understand and experience the Truth. Become the Master, then you can merge in everything and experience Divinity.   

Sathya Sai Baba

– ‘

World Water Day… 22 March …”Water and Energy are Interlinked and Interdependent…”

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World Water Day 2014: Water and Energy

Azzizia desalination plant, Saudi Arabia – Flickr CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 by Waleed Alzuhair

Water and energy are closely interlinked and interdependent. Energy generation and transmission requires utilization of water resources, particularly for hydroelectric, nuclear, and thermal energy sources. Conversely, about 8% of the global energy generation is used for pumping, treating and transporting water to various consumers.

In 2014, the UN System – working closely with its Member States and other relevant stakeholders – is collectively bringing its attention to the water-energy nexus, particularly addressing inequities, especially for the ‘bottom billion’ who live in slums and impoverished rural areas and survive without access to safe drinking water, adequate sanitation, sufficient food and energy services. It also aims to facilitate the development of policies and crosscutting frameworks that bridge ministries and sectors, leading the way to energy security and sustainable water use in a green economy. Particular attention will be paid to identifying best practices that can make a water- and energy-efficient ‘Green Industry’ a reality.

Objectives of World Water Day in 2014

Selling fuel wood at wood market in Cambodia ©FAO/J. Koelen
Geothermal Power Station in Þingvellir, Iceland – Flickr CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 by Scott Ableman
  • Raise awareness of the inter-linkages between water and energy
  • Contribute to a policy dialogue that focuses on the broad range of issues related to the nexus of water and energy
  • Demonstrate, through case studies, to decision makers in the energy sector and the water domain that integrated approaches and solutions to water-energy issues can achieve greater economic and social impacts
  • Identify policy formulation and capacity development issues in which the UN system, in particular UN-Water and UN-Energy, can offer significant contributions
  • Identify key stakeholders in the water-energy nexus and actively engaging them in further developing the water-energy linkages
  • Contribute as relevant to the post-2015 discussions in relation to the water-energy nexus.

 

 

World Water Day 2014 Key Messages

World Water Day is about what you will do in 2014 and beyond to promote  sustainable practices in the realm of water and energy. The key messages provided below are to be used as a basis to help you frame and design your own activities and messages. You can adapt the messages to your local conditions or to your specific audience to make them more targeted and efficient.

Coal and firewood in Ulaanbaatar ©FAO/Sean Gallagher
Electric motor irrigation pumps for small-scale farming in Kenya CC by DIVatUSAID on Flickr

1. Water requires energy and energy requires water

Water is required to produce nearly all forms of energy. Energy is needed at all stages of water extraction, treatment and distribution.

2. Supplies are limited and demand is increasing

Demand for freshwater and energy will continue to increase significantly over the coming decades. This increase will present big challenges and strain resources in nearly all regions, especially in developing and emerging economies.

3. Saving energy is saving water. Saving water is saving energy

Choices concerning the supply, distribution, price, and use of water and energy impact one another.

4. The “bottom billion” urgently needs access to both water and sanitation services, and electricity

Worldwide, 1.3 billion people cannot access electricity, 768 million people lack access to improved water sources and 2.5 billion people have no improved sanitation. Water and energy have crucial impacts on poverty alleviation.

5. Improving water and energy efficiency is imperative as are coordinated, coherent and concerted policies

Better understanding between the two sectors of the connections and effects on each other will improve coordination in energy and water planning, leading to reducing inefficiencies. Policy-makers, planners and practitioners can take steps to overcome the barriers that exist between their respective domains. Innovative and pragmatic national policies can lead to more efficient and cost effective provision of water and energy services

 

source::::www.unwater.org

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