Jokes for the Weekend…..

“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked to another.
“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”
…………..
A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. “My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”
“It was terrible,” her husband said. “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking ….

.………………………..

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant,
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
……………………..
This little computer,” said the a sales clerk, “will do half your job for you.”
The senior manager studying the machine made his decision; “Fine, I’ take two.  
………………………
The VP hobbled in to his house and was greeted by his wife.
“Dear,” she said, startled, “what are you doing home so early?”
“The boss and I had a fight,” he grumbled. “He would not take back what he said.”
Glowing with pride, his wife asked, “what did he say?
The VP shrugged. “You’re fired.”

………………………….

As a member of an Internet awareness survey team, we had visited a home. The unruly owner asked, “Tell me the difference between washing machine & Internet?” When I was cursing my luck, my colleague answered, “The former washes your cloth and the later washes your brain.”

……………………..

Bill attended a party where he met an old acquaintance, “Hello, Sam,” he said. “How’s your clothing business? I heard you lost a lot on that fall shipment of dresses.”
“That’s right,” Sam responded.
“And you almost went bankrupt.”
“That’s true too.”
“But I understand you made a big profit on another shipment and wound up having a pretty good season after all.”
“That’s correct. Then I guess you heard all about it, Bill.”
“Yeah,” Bill answered, “but this is the first time I’m hearing all the details.”
……………………………………
A man went to a bank and gave them 60 000$ worth of bonds to hold for him and he asked to take out a loan of 1$. The next year he came back to the bank to get his bonds and the accountant asked him “If you have all that money in bonds, why did you need to borrow 1$.” The man replied, “Do you know any other way I can use a safety deposit box for only 7 cents a year?”

…………………………..

SOURCE:::::joke  a day .com
natarajan

Message For the Day…”Have Pure Thoughts…Get Your Body &Senses Purified…”

If you throw a pebble in a pond, a small ripple originates and spreads until the end of the river. You may or may not be able to see, but the ripple starts right at the point where the stone meets the water. Similarly, in the lake of your mind, when you throw a stone of thought, ripples of thought waves start spreading throughout your body. The same ripple reflects in your eyes, brain, ears, heart and also in your hands and legs. Hence you must be very careful with the kind of thoughts that you permit to pervade your personality. When you get pure thoughts, all your senses will be purified by it. However, if you get bad thoughts, your senses will be perverted and this will quickly spread to your eyes, heart, hand and brain. Always have pure thoughts. If you do so, your body, senses and actions will be purified.

 

Sathya Sai Baba

” வாடிய பயிரை பார்க்கும் போது வாடும் ஒரு மனிதர் …”

 

ஜோலார்பேட்டை ரயில் நிலையம் அருகில் வாணியம்பாடி செல்லும் சாலையோரத்தில் இருக்கிறது ஏலகிரி ஓட்டல். அங்குச் சாப்பிட்டுவிட்டுச் சிலர் பணம் கொடுக்காமல் வணக்கம் மட்டும் தெரிவித்து விட்டுச் செல்கின்றனர். கல்லாவில் இருந்தவரும் காசு கேட்பதில்லை. பணத்துக்குப் பதில் வணக்கம் செலுத்தினால் போதுமா? விசாரித்தபோதுதான் மேலே தொங்கிக்கொண்டிருந்த சிலேட்டுப் பலகைகளைக் காட்டினார். விஷயம் புரிந்தது.

‘முதியோர், ஊனமுற்றோர்களுக்கு காலை 8 முதல் 11 மணி வரை இலவச உணவு’ (100 பேர் வரை), ‘பால் வாங்கப் பணமில்லையென்றால் குழந்தைகளுக்கு இலவசமாகப் பால்’, ‘வாரம் 100 மாணவர்களுக்கு இலவசமாக பேனா அல்லது பென்சில்’, ‘1 முதல் 8ம் வகுப்பு வரையிலான மாணவர்களுக்கு காலை முதல் மாலை வரை பாதி விலையில் உணவு’ இந்த அறிவுப்புகள் சிலேட்டுப் பலகைகளில் சாக்பீஸால் எழுதப்பட்டிருந்தன.

ஆச்சரியத்துடன் கேட்டால், “பணத்துக்காக வாழ்றதில்லிங்க; வாழ்றதுக்குதாங்க பணம்” பெரிய தத்துவத்தை எளிதாகச் சொல்கிறார் இந்த ஓட்டலின் உரிமையாளர் நாகராஜ். அவர் இந்தச் சேவையை 25 ஆண்டுக்கும் மேலாகச் செய்துவருகிறார். ஒரு நாளைக்கு ஏறக்குறைய 100 பேர் வரை இந்த ஓட்டலை நம்பியே காலம் தள்ளுகின்றனர்.

ஜோலார்பேட்டை ரயில் நிலையம் வட மற்றும் தென் தமிழகம், கர்நாடகம் மற்றும் ஆந்திரத்தை இணைக்கும் முக்கியச் சந்திப்பு. இந்த நிலையத்தைக் கடந்ததுதான் அனைத்து ரயில்களும் பயணிக்கின்றன.

பயணத்தின்போது காலி தண்ணீர் பாட்டிலை ஜன்னல் வழியே வீசுவதைப்போல குடும்பத்தில் பாரமென கருதப்படும் மனிதர்களை ரயிலில் அழைத்து வந்து இங்கே இறக்கிவிட்டுச் சென்று விடுகின்றனர். அவர்கள் பெரும்பாலும் முதியவர்கள் மற்றும் மனநிலை பாதிக்கப்பட்டவர்கள். மாதந்தோறும் குறைந்தபட்சம் 15 பேராவது இப்படி அனாதைகளாகத் தனித்து விடப்படுகின்றனர்.

திக்குத் தெரியாமல் தவிக்கும் அவர்கள் ஜோலார்பேட்டையிலேயே சுற்றித்திரிகின்றனர். இவர்களுக்கு இந்த ஓட்டல் ஒரு அன்னச் சத்திரமாக இருக்கிறது. “பசி என்ற உணர்வு மட்டும்தான் சுயநினைவு இல்லாத வருக்குக்கூட உணவு நமக்கு தேவை என்பதை உணர்த்து கிறது” என்கிறார் நாகராஜ்.

இவர்கள் தவிர சுற்றுவட்டாரங்களில் வீடுகளில் கவனிக்க முடியாத நிலையில் இருக்கும் முதியவர்களுக்குத் தேவையான உணவை அவர்களது குடும்பத்தினர் வந்து இலவசமாக பார்சல் வாங்கிச் செல்லலாம். நாகராஜின் மனைவி சுஜாதாவும் தன் கணவரின் இந்தத் தொண்டுக்குப் பக்கபலமாக இருக்கிறார்.

மிகச் சின்ன வருமானத்தில் இதையெல்லா எப்படிச் சமாளிக்கிறீர்கள் என்ற கேள்விக்கு, “இவர்களுக் கென்று தனியாக உலை வைக்கப்போதில்லை. வழக்க மாக சமைக்கும் அளவோடு கொஞ்சம் கூடுதலாக சமைக்கிறேன். 5 கிலோ மாவு புரோட்டோ போட்டாலும் 10 கிலோ மாவு போட்டாலும் மாஸ்டருக்கு ஒரே கூலிதான். எரிபொருளும் ஏறக்குறைய ஒரே அளவில்தான் செலவா கிறது.

சில ஆயிரம் ரூபாய் வருவாய் இழப்புதான் என்றாலும் எனக்கு குடும்பம் நடத்தத் தேவையான லாபம் கிடைக்கிறது. மனதுக்கும் சந்தோஷமாக இருக்கிறது” என்கிறார் வாடிய பயிரைக் கண்டபோதெல்லாம் ‘வாடி நிற்கும்’ நாகராஜ்.

source:::::The Hindu….Tamil
natarajan

” Phones Become Smart and People are Running Mad After Phones ” !!!

Mobiles

Interesting and Very True!!!

Mobile Aya
Camera Khatam

Mobile Aya
Wrist Watch Khatam

Mobile Aya
Torch Khatam

Mobile Aya
Radio Khatam

Mobile Aya
MP3 Khatam

Mobile Aya
Letters Khatam

Mobile Aya
Calculator Khatam

Mobile Aya
Computer Khatam

Mobile Aya
Sakoon Khatam

Aur agar apka
“Mobile” ap ki”Girlfriend/wife/husband” ke haath aya toh
Maa Kasam aap “Khatam.”

Ek dum latest …
Badalti Duniya Ka aisa Asar Hone Laga,
Aadmi pagal Aur Phone Smart Hone Laga

source::::input from a friend of mine

natarajan

Message for the Day…” How to do Meditation …” ?

During meditation, care must be taken to keep the back straight and steady without bending forward or backward or sideward. If you bend or move, misdirection of highly potent energy (Kundalini) can occur resulting in mental derangement. Also wear loose clothes. Your eyes must concentrate on the tip of the nose. They must be half-open, so you are neither distracted nor falling asleep. Free your mind from bad thoughts and fill it with sacred ones. To achieve this, you must control your senses. Your ears must be trained to listen only to noble and elevating ideas, and to eschew evil speech and gossip. Your eyes must be tuned to see the Divine. The restless mind must be restrained by making it concentrate on inhalation and exhalation while incessantly repeating the Mantra‘So-Ham’ (I am He). Through these postures and activities, your life-breath is controlled and this will ensure that the great power of Yoga is revealed unto you.   

Sathya Sai Baba

Message for the Day…” How ‘shavam'(corpse) can become Shivam(God)”…

The chief objective of all Sadhana (spiritual striving) is to eliminate the mind, to become A-manaska. Then illusion will disappear and Reality will be revealed. During the dark fortnight of the month, Sadhana must be done to eliminate a fraction of the mind each day; for, every day, a fraction of the Moon is shrinking. On Chathurdasi (the 14th night), the night of Shiva, only a fraction of the moon remains. If some special effort is made that night, through more intensive and vigilant Sadhana, like pujajapamdhyana (ritual worship & meditation), success is ensured. Hence, Shiva must be meditated upon that night, every month, without the mind straying towards thoughts of sleep or food. Once a year, on Mahashivaratri, a special spurt of spiritual activity is recommended, so that the Shavam (corpse) can become Shivam(God), through perpetual awareness of its Divine Indweller. Dedicate the vigil of this Shivaratri night to the Shiva present within each one of you.    

Sathya Sai Baba

 

” Common Sense ” ….A Missing Legend …

 

 

An Obituary printed in the London Times…..
 

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:- 
– Knowing when to come in out of the rain; 
– Why the early bird gets the worm…
– Life isn’t always fair;
– And maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
– by his parents, Truth and Trust,
– by his wife, Discretion,
– by his daughter, Responsibility, 
– and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
– I Know My Rights
– I Want It Now
– Someone Else Is To Blame
– I’m A Victim
– Pay me for Doing Nothing

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Message For the Day…” Meditation Means Offering the Flower of Love to the Divine…”

Meditation is a process that takes place beyond the senses. Consider a rose plant with branches, leaves, flowers and thorns. Locating a rose plant with a flower in a garden requires concentration. Once we have concentrated and identified the flower, the next stage is to pluck it without the thorns. Love is the flower, lust is the thorn. We have to carefully pluck the flower, without the thorn. This is contemplation. Having plucked the flower, what do we do with it? We must offer it to the Lord. Thus, meditation means offering the flower of love to the Divine. In the rose plant of our body, there is the rose of pure and sacred love, emitting the fragrance of good qualities. Below the rose, however, there are thorns in the form of sensual desires. The purpose of this life and meditation is to separate the rose of selfless Love from the senses and offer it to the Lord.   

Sathya Sai Baba

 

Joke of the Day !!!

A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.

She asked him, “Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It’s so beautiful.

Did I really make it to heaven?”

To which St. Peter replied, “Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.” The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. “Spell a word,” St. Peter replied. “What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.” The woman promptly replied, “Then the word I will spell is love.L-o-v-e.”

St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom.

“I’d be honored,” she said, “but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?”

St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her loser husband.

“What happened?” she cried, “Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, “I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?”

To which the woman replied, “Not yet. You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded, “Czechoslovakia.”

source::::joke a day.com

natarajan