Phrases You Shouldn’t Say to Your Child

Raising a child puts parents in complex situations and presents them with many challenges. Nowadays there is a greater awareness of the importance of interpersonal communication within the family unit. It often feels like many of the old barriers between parents and their offspring have been torn down, especially when compared to the previous generation.

The tone parents use with their kids, as well as what they say requires ongoing sensitivity and awareness. There are times when you think that what you tell your child is exactly what they need to hear, but end up causing damage rather than encouraging them. The following are the ten most commonly used sentences parents say to their kids but shouldn’t.

2. “You’re okay.”

When your child is in distress and crying, your parental instinct will tell you to reassure them by telling them that it’s okay. The only problem is, that when you tell them they’re okay, the message they get is that you are ignoring their distress. The reason your kid is crying is because they are not ok. What you should do instead is give them a hug and acknowledge their situation (“That was a scary moment”), and then ask them if they want a kiss or a Band-Aid to make it better.

4. “I’m on a diet.”

It’s great to stay healthy, but your kid doesn’t need to hear about it. Whether you’re checking your weight every day, calling yourself “fat” or repeating the “I’m on a diet” mantra – your child hears it, and it may lead to them developing an unhealthy body image. You can lead by example and say “I’m eating healthy because I like how it feels” or “It’s a lovely day, I think I’ll go for a run.” Using this type of phrasing will encourage your child to join you in a positive way.

5. “Great job.”

You may think that using such generic affirmation phrases helps build your child’s confidence, but research has shown that it actually makes them dependent on your affirmation instead of their own motivation. Congratulate your kid when they earned it and be more specific (“You were really good at sharing today” or “Nice pass, I like how you looked for your teammates”).

7. “We can’t afford that.”

Every parent had to endure their child begging for something at the store, and often the easiest way out is to state money trouble. The only problem is that your child interprets that as you not being responsible, or that the family unit is in financial danger, which leads to stress. It will also cause anger if you then buy something expensive for the house, making them feel like their needs are unimportant to you. You can tell them that you won’t buy them the toy or candy that they want because you’re “saving money for more important things”. If your child persists in the matter, it can be a great doorway into a conversation about finance and saving.

8. “No dessert until you finish your meal.”

This phrase teaches the kid the value of the dessert rather than the meal. It makes the child want the dessert more and feel like the meal is nothing but an obstruction. The correct phrasing is similar but subtly different: “First we eat our meal, then we eat the dessert”. It may sound the same, but it doesn’t make the meal feel like punishment, but rather like a natural step.

10. “Be careful.”

Using this phrase when you see your child doing something potentially dangerous can distract them and actively cause an accident. The correct course of action is to move quietly and calmly closer to them while keeping an eye on what they’re doing.

Natarajan