5 body language mistakes to avoid……

Did you know that nodding too much can make you seem spineless or sycophantic?

Read on to find out how you can perfect your body language.

Body language mistakesAre you questioning why certain things aren’t going your way even when you’re saying all the right things?

Maybe it’s not about your words at all. Maybe it’s something else.

In an interpersonal, normal interaction, our body talks a lot more than our mouth does.

It certainly doesn’t help that the message it puts across is vague and is perceived differently by different people.

You do not have to be saying something for your audience can easily read into it.

A simple action like flexing your fingers can speak a thousand words and give out messages that can either make or break the conversation.

Here are five body language mistakes we commit, but never notice.

#1. The lean

While making conversation, many of us get carried away and become unaware about our bodily movements.

The forward and backward lean is something that sneaks in and ruins our conversation without us even realising it.

Leaning slightly forward during a conversation signifies interest but a little more and you could be playing the risky terrain that is personal space.

The ideology of personal space varies across cultures and one must be mindful of maintaining a decent distance from the person they are conversing with.

Leaning backwards however screams blatant disinterest and disrespect.

It tells the opposite person that either you do not consider him worth listening to or are just going to counter him irrespective of what he says.

When the conversation is about your responsibilities, a backward lean could make you look laid back and uncaring.

To understand this little concept of leaning better, draw front and backward slanting lines on a piece of paper and concentrate on the emotions you counter while drawing each line.

#2. The limb cross

Crossing your limbs, be it your arms or ankles, is a statement your body is making.

This statement, however, is not a very positive one.

Crossing your arms during a conversation makes you look defensive and while answering questions, in fight mode

If you cross your arms during a seminar or a lecture, it gives off the ‘I don’t find you worth listening to’ vibe.

Crossing your ankles with your legs spread in front of you during a serious conversation is also a no-no. It makes you look disinterested and too relaxed.

#3. The excessive nod

It is a good practice to nod at people while listening to them as it shows you are interested in what they are talking and are paying attention.

Although sometimes, when we are bored, tired or genuinely do not wish to pay attention to the person talking, we nod too much to make up for it.

Now, you may not realize it, but the person you are talking to may find this constant nodding patronising and insulting.

This puts people off and gives of a very bad impression about you.

You can be assumed to be arrogant or too self-indulging, people won’t bother taking your exhaustion into account.

Also, nodding too much can make you seem spineless or sycophantic.

Next time when you are tired or disinterested to pay attention to the conversation, be mindful of how often you nod, you could also count to forty-five in your head before every nod.

#4. The constant eye-contact

What happens when you maintain constant eye-contact? You come off as creepy.

It is well known how important maintaining eye contact with your audience is, but if your audience is just one person, it is important to look away for a few seconds.

Looking at the person for too long will make them feel uncomfortable and make your conversation awkward.

Also remember to not look at the person’s mouth or forehead.

A safe area to look at is the triangle that the eyebrows and nose make.

Staring at the forehead intimidates the person while staring at the mouth seems inappropriate.

#5. The fidget mania

Everybody is familiar with this. Either you are guilty of it or have felt the irritation it causes.

Constant fidgeting is a sign of nervousness, insecurity and instability. It shows lack of confidence and trust.

During a conversation, fidgeting may also be perceived as a sign of dishonesty and deceit.

Constant shaking of your leg, twisting your fingers, tapping your fingers on a table or playing with a pen are some common blunders we sub-consciously commit and overlook.

In order to control your fidgeting, make sure your hands are relaxed by your side while standing and resting casually on your thighs while sitting.

Keep conscious of your legs and reduce wobbling. Also, no matter how anxious you feel, do not allow your hands to go anywhere near your face.

This is something many people do very often and don’t realise it.

Touching your face constantly doesn’t paint a very confident and reliable picture of you, so refrain from doing this.

With our usual mindless bodily actions creating space for unnecessary miscommunication, it is necessary to pay heed to the small blunders we commit.

How to use body language to your advantage

1. Exude power, spread your presence

Simply standing with your legs a little further apart and claiming more space through gestures, builds a powerful aura around you.

The more space you claim, more power you seem to command.

Since power helps calm, you will also do away with your nervousness.

2. Sit straight

Sitting straight will automatically make you look and feel attentive, confident and enthusiastic.

3. Gesture while talking

Usage of gestures (in a moderated amount) involves and invites your audience into the conversation.

It also gives you a more open and intelligent look.

 

Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com

Source………www.rediff.com

Natarajan

Message for the Day…..” Firm faith and pure Love are two essential tools for achieving anything in Life “….

For achieving anything in life two things are essential: firm faith and pure love. To experience pure, Divine love, you must be prepared to give up selfishness and self-interest. You must develop purity and steadfastness. With firm faith in the Divine, you must foster the love of God regardless of all obstacles and ordeals. You should never think that pleasure and pain are caused by some external forces; it is not so. They are the result of your own thoughts. There is no meaning in blaming others. If you develop love of God, that love will banish all sorrow and evil tendencies like attachment, anger and envy. One should pursue both spiritual education and secular studies. You have to realise that Nature is also a manifestation of God. Hence, Nature should not be ignored. Nature is the effect and God is the cause. Thus you should recognize the omnipresence of the Divine in the entire cosmos.

Sathya Sai Baba

How a school dropout built a Rs 60 crore business…? …An Inspiring Story !!!

From extreme poverty to building a company worth Rs 60 crore, Raja Nayak’s incredible rags-to-riches story is an inspiration.

Raja Nayak

At 17, Raja Nayak ran away from home.

Like millions before him, he wanted to escape the punishing life that poverty inflicts on its victims.

“I knew I had to earn money. I wanted to earn big money. That was my only focus then,” Raja Nayak, 54, tells me as we settle down in his plush new office in Bengaluru for the interview.

“I had realised as a young boy that it was very hard for my parents to send me and my four siblings to school. My father did not have a steady income and my mother had little to make ends meet often pawning whatever little valuables she had,” he says.

The penny dropped when Raja was loitering with his neighbourhood friends and was persuaded to watch a Hindi movie.

It was the 1978 film, ‘Trishul’, where a penniless Amitabh Bachchan eventually goes on to become a real estate baron.

Those three hours in the dark theatre ignited Raja’s mind and future path as it were.

“I was really taken up by the story. It felt so real to me. Suddenly, I believed that it was possible to make my dreams come true. I wanted to be a real estate baron too,” Raja says with a smile, quickly brushing off the source of his inspiration.

Riding on this belief, he escaped to Mumbai (Bombay then).

But it wasn’t going to be that easy, was it?

He returned home heartbroken, but his mind was constantly engaged in finding the right break.

Today, Raja has a total turnover of Rs 60 crore from his various enterprises that include MCS Logistics, a company he established in 1998 in international shipping and logistics, Akshay Enterprises that’s into corrugated packaging, Jala Beverages that manufactures packaged drinking water, Purple Haze that is in the wellness space with three beauty salon-and-spa centres in Bengaluru.

Nutri Planet (with three other directors and partners) that is working with Central Food Technological Research Institute (CFTRI) to bring products like energy bars and oil made out of Chia rice.

Besides these, he also runs schools and a college under the banner of Kalaniketan Educational Society for the underprivileged and disadvantaged sections of society.

Raja is also the President of the Karnataka chapter of Dalit Indian Chamber of Commerce and Industries (DICCI), where he says, they are inspiring the disadvantaged sections of society to dream big.

“We are making them aware of the opportunities available to make their dreams come true,” he says.

The first take: Small but sure

Son of Dalit migrants from a village in Karnataka, Raja was born in Bengaluru (Bangalore then) and spent the first 17 years of his life in the city without much exposure to the life outside.

Back then in the late 70s and 80s, Bangalore was a sleepy town. But I had this Punjabi friend, Deepak (who is no more), who had seen many more places than I because his father had a transferable government job. We lived in the same locality and I would end up spending most of my time with him.”

Raja gave up studies while he was in first pre-university course (PUC), and with Deepak as his partner, decided to sell shirts on the footpath.

“I had seen people selling wares on the footpath and some traders had even offered us money to sell it for them. We realized if they could make a good business out of this, why not us?” recalls Raja, who was quick to grasp this as an exciting opportunity.

Between them, the two friends collected Rs 10,000 and set out for Tiruppur in Tamil Nadu, a major garment and textile hub.

“My mother would sometimes hide some money in kitchen containers, and because I was her favourite she gave it to me.”

In Tiruppur, they bought export reject surplus shirts for Rs 50 each. They bundled them in a state road transport bus and came back to Bangalore, setting up ‘shop’ on the footpath outside the Bosch office.

“We had seen hawkers outside their gate before and thought it would be a good place to start, more so because it was near our neighbourhood,” says Raja.

It was a perfect plan. Most of the shirts that they had bought were either shades of blue or white.

The male employees of Bosch have a blue shirt as their uniform.

During the hour-long lunch break, Raja and his friend had sold all the shirts at Rs 100 each, making a tidy profit of Rs 5000.

“I had never seen so much money in my life. I was ecstatic,” Raja tells me, reliving that fantastic moment from his past.

Intoxicated by this early success, the two friends reinvested the amount and included more items to sell, going from one place to another to procure them.

“It was like we had wheels on our feet. This was just the beginning. We were not resting till we had made lots of money,” he says smiling.

They would buy cotton hosiery items and inner wear in kilos and set up stalls at large exhibitions employing a few boys to manage them. Whatever was left over, they would hawk them on footpaths.

In three years, they had set up a well-oiled business.

The two friends diversified into Kolhapuri chappals and footwear.

“Till now, no one had asked me which caste I belonged to. Most often people associate cobblers with the Dalit community, and it was here that I would be asked about my caste,” says Raja, replying to my earlier question if his caste ever came in the way of his business.

The bold scene: Take risks

According to Raja, “In all our businesses, we never lost any money.”

However, his friend had to move out of Bangalore, leaving Raja to continue the business on his own.

Around 1991, in the post liberalisation era, Raja started a corrugated packaging business, Akshay Enterprises, with another partner who had the knowhow of this market.

He says, “Wherever there was an opportunity, I encashed it.”

Real estate was also booming around this time, and Raja invested in property, making and reinvesting neat sums along the way.

So you see the pattern? He wanted to make money like everyone else, but what separated him from others was that instead of just wishing or whining, he kept his ear to the ground for any opportunity and never shied away from hard work.

“Like many people, I have also faced hurdles, but fortunately, the risks I took in business paid off,” says Raja.

It is in his personal associations and interactions that, he says, he was cheated by many people but refuses to elaborate.

“I often say this to people and students when I am invited to address them. Do not take my life as an example. It was all luck.”

But seriously, was it just luck?

If so, may be then fortune favours the brave. Because as Raja believes, taking risks is important if you want your dreams to come true.

“My neighbours and friends who I grew up with are still where they were — either employed in some company as clerks or as labour. Sometimes they come to me asking for money which I give. But those days, their condition was better than mine. Their father had a job, they went to school. I could not. But today, I share the dais with the VIPs of India. It is not only because of money. It is because of all the hard work and status I have built over the past 35 years,” he says, emphasising how the risks he took paid off.

The silent, angry young man Raja claims that he never faced discrimination based on his caste. Perhaps, he is being politically correct.

But sometimes silence speaks more than words.

Consider this — In the same lane where Raja and his family lived in Bengaluru in a house smaller than his new office where we are meeting (it is the latest Purple Haze outlet which was inaugurated earlier in the morning), Raja went on to build a four-storey building that houses his office on the top floor and his school below.

The school was started because not only was he unable to complete his education, but his sister was also denied admission.

“When I had some money, I rented a small house, hired a few teachers and started a nursery school for underprivileged children,” he informs me.

Clearly, the soft-spoken, suave entrepreneur I am talking to was an angry young man once.

There’s also this prejudice in society about not eating or drinking water from a low caste person.

So Raja decided to venture into the food business.

Though the eatery he started has shut down, the bottled drinking water venture, Jala Beverages, is doing well in the market.

The romantic interlude

The other driving force behind Raja’s multiple business ventures was his life partner, his wife Anita. “I kept diversifying because I knew there was someone to look after these businesses,” he says.

Anita came to Raja’s school looking for a job when she was around 16.

She is also a school dropout from a poor Dalit home. Her father was an autorickshaw driver.

Anita started helping around the school and later learned the administrative ropes.

“We actually eloped and got married in a temple. The only witness was one of the school staff,” reveals Raja, adding, that till today they do not have a formal marriage certificate.

A happy end

A lot has been written and debated about the suicide of a promising Dalit student in Hyderabad University recently, but stories like Raja’s give hope to the millions who feel oppressed because of a discriminating society like ours.

“I did not climb up using any reservation provisions. Nor have my children studied under any reservation quota (he has three sons). I put them in my school because I believe you do not need a fancy building to learn better. For me, a good school was where good English was taught.”

Raja says that it is not concessions, but connections that he seeks as a Dalit.

 

“Unfortunately, people from my community are only after government jobs. They do not look at self-employment favourably. At DICCI, we are trying to make them aware of the opportunities available to them. We want to have job creators rather than job seekers,” he says.

Though it took Raja a lot more than three hours to turn his life into a miracle that he witnessed on the silver screen as a teenager, he still has one big dream. “I want to be in the Rs 100-crore club. There are some companies there. Toh unse bhi milenge (I shall rub shoulders with them too).”

Yeah, that’s a great leveler.

For as Raja says, when it comes to business only money talks.

Source……….Dipti Nair Mumbai  in www. rediff.com

Natarajan

Message for the Day….”All the good qualities automatically accumulate with the person who practices control of speech and constant contemplation of God…”

Sathya Sai Baba

Look at the crane; it walks pretty fast while in water. But while walking, it can’t catch fish; for that purpose, it must become quiet and stand motionless. So also, if you lead your daily life with greed, anger, and similar qualities, you cannot secure the fish of truth (sathya), dharma, and peace (shanti). Whatever spiritual practice one may be engaged in, one must practise uninterrupted remembrance of the Lord’s Name (nama-smarana). Only then can you master the natural attributes of greed, anger, etc. All the scriptures (sastras) teach this one lesson: since the Lord is the universal goal and this journey of life has Him as the destination, keep Him constantly in view and subdue the mind so that you do not stray from your chosen path. All the good qualities automatically accumulate with the person who practices control of speech and constant contemplation of the Lord.

Message for the Day….” When your Heart is filled with Bliss …”

If you are ill or if your mind is pre-occupied , you will not Ienjoy the taste of delicious food. So also if your heart is full of ignorance (tamas) or is straying, no joy will be experienced, even if you are engaged in remembrance of the name (namasmarana), devotional singing (japa), or meditation. The tongue will be sweet as long as there is sugar on it. Likewise if the pillar of light called devotion continues to burn in the corridor of the heart, there will be no darkness. The heart will be illumined in bliss. A bitter thing on the tongue makes your whole tongue bitter; when qualities like greed and anger enter the heart, the brightness disappears, darkness dominates the scene, and one becomes the target of countless griefs and losses. Therefore those who aspire to attain the holy presence of the Lord must acquire certain habits, disciplines, and qualities. You must modify your daily living through spiritual discipline.

Sathya Sai Baba

Message for the Day…..”The Right Attitude to March Forward to attain the Presence of God …”

Sathya Sai Baba

A farmer clears and levels the land, removes the stones and thorns, ploughs and prepares the field, manures and strengthens the soil, waters and fertilizes it. Then after sowing, transplanting, weeding, spraying, and waiting, he reaps the crop. After winnowing and threshing, he stacks the corn. All these various processes are for the sake of feeding the stomach. So too one must feel that all hunger and thirst, joy and sorrow, grief and loss, suffering and anger, food and appetite are but impulses that help us march forward to attain the Presence of the Lord. When you have this attitude, sin will never tarnish any of your activities. Your appetite for hunger and material desires will also vanish, without a vestige of name or form. On the other hand, if you treat the appetites as more important, you will be sure to earn only sorrow, not joy. It will be impossible to acquire peace.

Message for the Day……” Discipline Consists of….”

Sathya Sai Baba

You must seek Truth and test it thoroughly with all the canons of reasoning. The discipline consists of: 1) The heroism to observe dharma rigorously (Ojas). 2) Fearless self-control (Tejas). 3) Discarding of all feelings of joy or sorrow with equanimity, due to the peaks and troughs of life. 4) Having unshakable faith in dharma and truth(Sahana). 5) Mental and physical health of the most excellent kind, earned by discipline and celibacy (bala). 6) The desire and ability to speak sweetly and straight, won by the practice of truth and love. 7) Withdrawal of the five senses of wisdom (Jnanendriyas) and the five senses of action (karmendriyas) from vice and sin, and the sublimation of all the senses to serve truth (indriya-moha).8) Victory over Self resulting in acceptance by the world. 9) The destruction of one’s prejudices and the pursuit of truth at all times (dharma). It is essential that all humanity today acknowledges the glory of this universal dharma. You must earnestly pray, “May all this be conferred on me” as found in the ‘Chamakam’ hymn.

The Story of the Wise Old Man…..Inspiring Story !!!

Everyone has their own personal outlook on life. Many of us don’t choose it – we just follow our feelings, shaped by circumstance and experience. Others decide to choose what their outlook will be, and follow their minds instead. The old man in this story shows us that it takes some wisdom to be able to live happily…

A 92-year-old man, short, very well-presented, who takes great care of his appearance, is moving into an old people’s home today.

His wife of 70 years has recently died, and he is obliged to leave his home.

After waiting several hours in the retirement home lobby, he gently smiles as he is told that his room is ready. 

 As he slowly walks to the elevator, using his cane, I describe his small room to him, including the sheet hung at the window, which serves as a curtain.

 “I like it very much”, he says, with the enthusiasm of an 8-year-old boy who has just been given a new puppy. 

“Sir, you haven’t even seen the room yet. Hang on a moment, we are almost there.”

This Story Will Inspire You: The Wise Old Man

“That has nothing to do with it,” he replies. 

“Happiness is something I choose in advance.  Whether or not I like the room does not depend on the furniture, or the decor – rather it depends on how I decide to see it. 

“It is already decided in my mind that I like my room.  It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. 

“I can choose.  I can spend my day in bed enumerating all the difficulties that I have with the parts of my body that no longer work very well, or I can get up and give thanks to heaven for those parts that are still in working order. 

“Every day is a gift, and as long as I can open my eyes, I will focus on the new day, and all the happy memories that I have made during my life. 

“Old age is like a bank account.  You withdraw in later life what you have deposited along the way. “

This Story Will Inspire You: The Wise Old Man

For a moment, I thought about the old man’s words, and it all made sense.

He made me realize that in life, we have to deposit all the happiness we can in our bank account of memories. Like this, we will always have a trove of them to cherish.

Source………….www.ba-bamail.com

Natarajan

Message for the Day…” Ways of God’s Showering Grace on HIS Devotee…”

Sathya Sai Baba

Even when you attain the state of living with God and merger in a divine form (sarupya-mukti), there is still a trace of differential feeling. Just because a devotee has a form like the Lord’s, one may not have the powers of creation, preservation, and destruction that the Lord has. Only when all trace of difference disappears and unity is attained, the highest stage is reached. This is real union (Sayujya). This comes of divine grace won by the essence of the spiritual practice of each; it cannot be claimed as the fruit of effort. The devotee wishes to serve the Lord as one pleases and to experience the joy of the form that one has attributed to the Lord. But the Lord, out of His grace, gives the devotee not only existence with the Lord, witnessing always the glory of the Lord, and being suffused with God-consciousness but also Sayujya – union with Him! The path of devotion results also in attainment of ultimate knowledge (Brahma-jnana). Even if the devotee does not crave it, the Lord Himself vouchsafes it to the devotee.

Message for the Day..” Need for Rigorous Practice of Right conduct in one’s life …”

If you are careless about the discipline of truth, every duty laid on you by dharma and every action prompted by dharma will hang heavy as a burden. Hence, you must search for the reality behind all these phenomena in your daily living, and that search will make all your duties, which are dharmic actions, light and pleasant. The Lord has designed people such that they are inclined towards God and are delighted at the expansion of their vision, and are happy when they are moral and virtuous. So, people must serve their own best interests by adhering to their basic nature, by concentrating on the Divine (Brahman), by assiduously cultivating truth, and by rigorously practicing right conduct (dharma).

Sathya Sai Baba